Puck in 1st class

[tonyreptiles]

My little white terrier, Puck, travels with me a lot. He's mostly well behaved, and much more so off lead than on the lead, so I let him off as much as possible. This is particularly sensible in busy train stations, where Puck on a lead would just be a trip hazard. It's fun to see the look on people's faces as Puck weaves through the forest of legs, keeping up with me as I head to the platform.

A few months ago we were in one of the London stations about to catch a train back north. Puck was off the lead, tarting it up to all of the people who wanted to give the cute dog some fuss. Eventually we boarded the train and made our way to our pre-booked seat. Next thing I know, we're getting an ear-holing from the woman who is booked on the seat next to us. Apparently, she doesn't like dogs, won't sit next to one and wants us both to move. Of course, I'm very accommodating.

AFter she finiahed whining:
"He's a very nice dog, very well behaved and polite. You could learn an thing or two!"
After other passengers tell her to quit whining:
"It seems like my dog is more popular than you are."
After she turns purple:
"You look upset. Are you upset? Do you need a cuddle?"

Anyway, I decide to move elsewhere. Not because I want to do what she says, but because I don't want to sit next to a miserable trout for the whole journey. I grab my bag, whistle to Puck to follow and make my way up the train. I swear I saw Puck turn back and give her the big furry finger. However, gy this time, the train is full and the only place for us is in the vestibule between carriages, outside first class. We're there for a few minutes when a train attendant turns up.

"Are you the man with the dog who had the trouble with the lady in coach X?" she asks
"Yes. " I respond.
"Follow me." she says.

And promptly sits us in a seat in first class and proceeds to give Puck lots of fuss and attention.
"You're so lovely. How could that lady be so horrible to you, you lovely creature. I wish I could take you home"
"Sounds great! Can I bring my dog!" I replied.

Apparently, she wasn't addressing me.

After about 5 minutes, the atttendant returns with a cup of tea and two pieces of cake - one for me, one for Puck. And all was lovely until the smell hit us. For some reason only known to my disgusting feral dog, he took the first class hospitality to mean he could let rip with a stinker. And, boy, was it a stinker! We were getting sucked-lemon look from the people in seats half way down the carriage. Then the attendant turns up.

"That smell. Is that your dog?"
"Yes. Do we have to leave?"
"Yes."
"Bugger!"

So, thanks Puck. First you get us into first clas by being cute.
Then you get us kicked out of first class for being minging.

Nice work dog. Nice work.


TR

[Meatyfool]

Talking of dog farts, I hope you don't mind me reposting my favourite post from TMF (just in case they don't re-appear in the future).

Dated 4th Feb 2010

"I hired a car for a few days earlier this week to visit a few friends down south. I purposefully didn't check the fine print to ascertain if they allowed canine passengers* but decided it would be a good idea to cover the seats with sheets and quilt covers to avoid leaving hairs and muddy paw prints.

Final stop was a friend in Gloucester so we let Puck into the garden to go do his thing before the long drive home. We caught him a few minutes later polishing off the last of the turds left by the next door's cat. It's a disgusting habit and one I thought I'd broken him of, but these turds seemed particularly tempting, so there you have it.

It was on the way home it all started to go wrong. Having worked with animals for a quarter of a century, I'm quite versed and resilient when it comes to the smells an animal can produce. But dear god holy jesus mother of mercy...I have never smelled a smell like the one I smelled when Puck regurgitated his last meals. It smelled like beelzebub's gusset. With the window wound down to get a full blast of fresh(ish) air, I made it to the next services where it became apparent that Puck had re-eaten the evidence.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of it. Although his farts were not quite as bad as the original puking, the smell was simply foul and it was all I could do to resist the inclination to abandon dog and car on the hard shoulder. All the way home I was plagued by the intermittent stench of rancid dog fart. My language was similarly disgusting.

Eventually we reached home and I unloaded dog, luggage and seat covers before returning the car to the hire company. (I checked for stains and thankfully there were none.) This particular hire company have a particularly useful customer service facility where they will pick you up before and drop you off after your hire period. So after the girl from reception checked the exterior for damage we both got into the car so she could drive me home.

It wasn't until we got in that I realised how disgusting it did actually smell inside that vehicle. As we sat down she looked at me and I looked at her and I could spot a slight grimace on her face. Realising there was no way I could blame it on the dog I had no choice but to shoulder the responsibility. There was no conversation for the 5 miles back to my boat, where upon I was greeted by an exuberant white terrier looking like butter wouldn't melt.

Does anyone know of a cheap car hire place in West Yorkshire and if there is such a product as a humane doggy roof rack?

TR"

Absolutely fantastic!

Meatyfool..

[Dorsetbird]

Tony I like the way you write.

Also glad to hear that Puck is still with you. He can't be a young man any more?

[Slarti]

Both of those stories brought to mind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4wzJZdmelA


Slarti

[tonyreptiles]

Thanks all.

Yeah, Puck's still going. He'll be eight this January. He's a little fatter and slower, but then, aren't we all.

Happy Xmas!
TR