Tips

[brightncheerful]

Busy Executives: - Don't buy a Dachshund. Their amusing sausage shape means they take 50% longer to stroke than other dogs, and time is money.

Motorists! - Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

Shoes last twice as long if only worn every other day

Banging two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

[Mike4]

Parents: - If your child is choking on an ice cube, simply pour a kettle of boiling water down its throat. The ice will melt and you'll have saved its life.

Viz roolz.

[brightncheerful]

Parents! Don't lose sight of your child at the beach - I always fasten a brightly coloured helium balloon to my son's belt so that I can see wherever he goes without worry.

[Mike4]

Bus drivers: - Pretend you’re an airline pilot by wedging your accelerator pedal down with a heavy book, securing the steering wheel with some old rope, and then strolling back along the bus chatting casually to the passengers.

[Dicky99]

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

[Lootman]

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

A more effective approach might be allowing some drool to emanate from the corner of your mouth, whilst shaking jerkily.