The Lemon Fool

Last week I bitched about Cross Country Trains (albeit on DAK and not here). And how "Due to Covid" they claim their seats are "sold out" when they are not, and try and force everyone into getting seat reservations.

My whine this week is about banks but I realise there is a common theme here. That is, businesses and entities that use Covid as a pretext to do what they really want to do anyway. Never waste a good crisis, and all that.

So I want £350 in cash. As usual I want specific denominations and so want a human teller.

First they make me wait outside the branch until various people leave, even though it wasn't crowded. Then I wait in a queue to get to the human teller, and then finally I tell her what I want:

Lootman: £350 in fifties please
Teller: Why not use the machine?
L: Because I want specific denominations
T: What is a denomination?
L: Specific note sizes
T: OK, so go to the machine, take out £350 then bring it back here and I will change it into fifties
L: So you want me to do this in 2 steps rather than 1?
T: Yes, it will be quicker
L: How can 2 steps along with waiting in a queue for each possibly be quicker than you just giving me what I asked for right now?
T: Oh, OK then.

After that it went fine. But I cannot help but think that this is all a vast right-wing conspiracy to deter customers visiting banks, so that they can close more branches and fire all these hapless tellers. I was doing her a favour.

PS: This was HSBC and I am Premier. Presumably a normal customer would have received worse service.

Strewth! I think I've taken out £50 cash in the past year-and-a-half. Not much use for cash any more, and since I was never an enthusiast for it I'm not sorry.

But if you want it, that's your business, not mine, and you have every right to be mildly vexed at the attitude you encountered. Though it could have been a lot worse!

T: What is a denomination?

You want catholic banknotes or protestant banknotes?

Our latest village magazine has this tale:

An elderly lady went to her bank to make a withdrawal. She handed her bank card to the cashier and said “I would like to withdraw £10”.

The cashier told her “for withdrawals less than £100, please use the cash machine."

The old lady wanted to know why... The cashier returned her bank card and irritably told her “these are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”.

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the cashier and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her “you have £500,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?"

The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The cashier told her any amount up to £3,000. “Well please let me have £3,000 now.”

The annoyed cashier went down to the vault and counted out £3,000 in various denominations came back and gave it to the old lady. Is there anything else I can do for you today?

The old lady put £10 in her purse and asked the cashier to deposit £2,990 back into her account.

The moral of this story is....
Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skill.

Banks make it so difflcult these days
A few years ago I went into my local Santander branch to pay in a cheque
Oh you can't do that at the counter said the Manager, you have to use the machine over there as this is a personal branch and you are paying into a business account.
WHO knew that Santander barnches were designated personal and business, there are no signs in building themselves
anyway the machine didn't work so he had to come over and show me how to do it manually
Karma i thought, it would have just been easier to take it at the counter !
PS the manager at that branch banks at Nat West - says a lot about Santander

pje16 wrote:Banks make it so difflcult these days

PS the manager at that branch banks at Nat West - says a lot about Santander

That would never have been allowed in the old days - you were forced to use your employer. On the basis, IIRC, that the bank needed to have visibility of its employees finances.

UncleEbenezer wrote:Strewth! I think I've taken out £50 cash in the past year-and-a-half. Not much use for cash any more

I get through far less cash than I used to but there are still a few situations where I like to use cash e.g.

1) It's a contractor or vendor who gives a discount for cash.
2) At a restaurant where card tips are pooled but cash tips go 100% to the waiter
3) Anywhere I do not want the business or individual knowing anything about me.
4) Paying for celebrations where the staff need to be paid in cash.

genou wrote:

pje16 wrote:the manager at that branch banks at Nat West - says a lot about Santander

That would never have been allowed in the old days - you were forced to use your employer. On the basis, IIRC, that the bank needed to have visibility of its employees finances.

It is still the case for investment banks, for what I think are much sounder reasons. Your IB wants to know what you are trading because of insider trading issues. Although there were always ways around it.

Lootman wrote:

UncleEbenezer wrote:Strewth! I think I've taken out £50 cash in the past year-and-a-half. Not much use for cash any more

I get through far less cash than I used to but there are still a few situations where I like to use cash e.g.

1) It's a contractor or vendor who gives a discount for cash.

Long lIve Hooky Street

pje16 wrote:

Lootman wrote:

UncleEbenezer wrote:Strewth! I think I've taken out £50 cash in the past year-and-a-half. Not much use for cash any more

I get through far less cash than I used to but there are still a few situations where I like to use cash e.g.

1) It's a contractor or vendor who gives a discount for cash.

Long lIve Hooky Street

It is 40 years since that show first aired. Perhaps it is a sign of how much UK society has changed in that time, but the activities and attitudes presented in that show seemed quite normal at the time (although entertaining of course) whereas now it seems such activities are frowned upon.

I had my own Del Boy moment in the early 1980s. I was working in the City and, when I came into a consignment of food processors (as you do), my first thought was to offer them to the guys at work for half price, cash. Demand was brisk and I had orders for the lot. So on a Sunday evening I drove my Jag to the City, parked in the forecourt of our building, and shifted the items from my boot to my office at work. I felt like Jack the Lad.

Never happened again and now I suspect that would be viewed in a very negative light.

Anyway, another use for cash, cabbies seem to prefer it.

I think a lot of us have/did have an inner Del Boy

Lootman wrote:Anyway, another use for cash, cabbies seem to prefer it.

That was when I got the £50 out.

Had been planning to cycle somewhere - about 10km and some serious hills (Dartmoor). Found I had a puncture. No time to fix it or to walk, so hasten into town to get a cab. After 20 minutes at the rank, was about to give up when one turns up (by now I'll be 15-20 minutes late but it's a better-late-than-never event). Ask about card payment expecting no problem (after all, even the buses take it nowadays), but cash only. So go to cashpoint and get £50. Back to cab, only to find he's picked up someone else Give up and go home

Conclude I need to use an app if I want a bloomin' cab!

The latest example of banks wishing to excel in bad customer service happened today. I rang HSBC to increase the credit limit on my HSBC credit card.

I was told that I can no longer do that by phone and must use either mobile or internet banking to do that, neither of which I have any remote interest in using. Clearly having tried to deter me from visiting my local bank branch, they now wish to deter me from ringing their central number as well (*).

Net result? I went down to my local branch and used up 45 minutes of the manager's time until he agreed to apply on my behalf. How do you like them apples, HSBC?

I feel I am engaged in a full-time war with banks now. It is a good thing I am retired and have the time for this.

(*) The recording says "Due to unusually high call volumes, wait times are longer". Maybe if you staffed the branches properly we would not all need to ring in the first place!

Lootman wrote:The latest example of banks wishing to excel in bad customer service happened today. I rang HSBC to increase the credit limit on my HSBC credit card.

I was told that I can no longer do that by phone and must use either mobile or internet banking to do that, neither of which I have any remote interest in using. Clearly having tried to deter me from visiting my local bank branch, they now wish to deter me from ringing their central number as well (*).

Net result? I went down to my local branch and used up 45 minutes of the manager's time until he agreed to apply on my behalf. How do you like them apples, HSBC?

I feel I am engaged in a full-time war with banks now. It is a good thing I am retired and have the time for this.

(*) The recording says "Due to unusually high call volumes, wait times are longer". Maybe if you staffed the branches properly we would not all need to ring in the first place!

Surely all the big name banks' fierce reductions in staffing levels in both branches and call centres are the reason they are able to pay us all such fantastic rates on their savings accounts?

My whine of this week so far 2 (and it's not even lunchtime on Monday) and several last week
are spam calls from Amazon thanking me for renewing my Prime subscription.
Press 1 to cancel, 2 to talks about it
(these calls are spam)
They come from a differnt number every time even though I am on the TPS list
https://www.tpsonline.org.uk/register
If you're not on it it does stop a lot of junk calls and it's free
Anyway on my most recent Amazon call I just pressed 2
and left them saying "hello" "hello is anyone there" which went on for just over a minute
Perversely satisfying

pje16 wrote:My whine of this week so far 2 (and it's not even lunchtime on Monday) and several last week
are spam calls from Amazon thanking me for renewing my Prime subscription.
Press 1 to cancel, 2 to talks about it
(these calls are spam)
They come from a differnt number every time even though I am on the TPS list
https://www.tpsonline.org.uk/register
If you're not on it it does stop a lot of junk calls and it's free
Anyway on my most recent Amazon call I just pressed 2
and left them saying "hello" "hello is anyone there" which went on for just over a minute
Perversely satisfying

TPS doesn't work against criminals.

pje16 wrote:My whine of this week so far 2 (and it's not even lunchtime on Monday) and several last week
are spam calls from Amazon thanking me for renewing my Prime subscription.
Press 1 to cancel, 2 to talks about it
(these calls are spam)
They come from a differnt number every time even though I am on the TPS list
https://www.tpsonline.org.uk/register
If you're not on it it does stop a lot of junk calls and it's free
Anyway on my most recent Amazon call I just pressed 2
and left them saying "hello" "hello is anyone there" which went on for just over a minute
Perversely satisfying

I just got one of those at about the same time as you. I like to waste their time if I'm in the mood and see what the latest wheeze is. Last year I had 2 fake Amazon sites taken down by their hosts, a small victory. Today's was the less sophisticated install Anydesk routine.

- Check if I have a Windows key, I do but surprisingly the keyboard works with Linux too
- Then hold Windows key + R
- Then type 'cmd'
- Then type 'assoc' - to 'check your Amazon licence number'

- 'I'll just hand you over to my supervisor', short pause.

- Open Chrome, 'sorry I don't have Chrome', 'What sort of browser do you have?', 'The one that comes with Windows 10'
- 'OK, open that', 'OK', 'What do you see?' 'My browser', 'Do you see a search bar?', 'Where?', At the top of the screen', 'Oh, right'
- 'Type A for Alpha'
- 'N for November'
- etc...
- 'What do you see?'
- 'Anydisk'
- 'No, that should say Anydesk.
- 'What? I'm hard of hearing, say again, Anydisk?
- 'brrr' call disconnected.

RC

pje16 wrote:Anyway on my most recent Amazon call I just pressed 2
and left them saying "hello" "hello is anyone there" which went on for just over a minute
Perversely satisfying

It's odd how well that one still works, given that the remedy you describe has been around for thirty years or more. You'd have thought the scammers would have got wise to it by now.

But no. All I need to say is "that's really interesting, but excuse me, I'd better let the cat out", and they'll hang on for ages while they wait for you to return to the phone. My best ever was 45 minutes. Why, I almost felt sorry for the poor girl. Almost.....

BJ