Child contact

[gawabsky]

We recovered our son from a rented room in London over a year ago back to our family home.He was broken, had anxiety & depression and was medicating on alcohol, and not well enough to look after his children. His ex was keen for him to return. He'd left his family home (he being the sole owner) and young children because of the bad atmosphere and emotional control from his ex Russian partner. Her boyfriend then moved in to the house with her. She was furious and abusive and wanted him back but had we not intervened we feel sure he would have died.

Our son had been paying her child maintenance. Her scheme was for him to sign over half the house which he had already done. She then requested him to sign the house over in its entirety to herself and the boyfriend. On our advice he asked her to contact his solicitor. A month later she made allegations that he was abusing his children. A year later following a thorough investigation the police can find no evidence to prosecute. He remains frightened of her and hasn’t seen his children for 18 months .Now having an entitlement to legal aid we believe she will proceed through the family court to prevent contact with his children. Our son has been diagnosed as a life long Autistic with ADHD which explains his vulnerablity to exploitation recently and in the past.

Gradually our son is starting to improve but would not cope well with a court case after everything he has been through.

Gawabsky

[mark88man]

I'm very sorry to hear your situation. I am unable to help, however I do feel sure that other posters will want to understand what advice you are seeking. Is it advice on the abuse trial, or is it to do with the house?

You will get useful help and advise from here, but posters are not mind readers, so possibly could you clarify what you are seeking

[oldapple]

I too am very sorry to read about your son's situation. Perhaps this organisation could give some proper help or advice.

https://www.fathers-4-justice.org/our-c ... e-support/

Getting your son away from his abusive partner is a major step towards beginning a recovery. You did well to do so.

Very best wishes.

[AsleepInYorkshire]

We recovered our son from a rented room in London over a year ago back to our family home.He was broken, had anxiety & depression and was medicating on alcohol, and not well enough to look after his children. His ex was keen for him to return. He'd left his family home (he being the sole owner) and young children because of the bad atmosphere and emotional control from his ex Russian partner. Her boyfriend then moved in to the house with her. She was furious and abusive and wanted him back but had we not intervened we feel sure he would have died.

Our son had been paying her child maintenance. Her scheme was for him to sign over half the house which he had already done. She then requested him to sign the house over in its entirety to herself and the boyfriend. On our advice he asked her to contact his solicitor. A month later she made allegations that he was abusing his children. A year later following a thorough investigation the police can find no evidence to prosecute. He remains frightened of her and hasn’t seen his children for 18 months .Now having an entitlement to legal aid we believe she will proceed through the family court to prevent contact with his children. Our son has been diagnosed as a life long Autistic with ADHD which explains his vulnerability to exploitation recently and in the past.

Gradually our son is starting to improve but would not cope well with a court case after everything he has been through.

Gawabsky

Sometimes words aren't enough are they? Sometimes hell does appear on earth. I can both sympathise and empathise, having experienced similar events, albeit a very long time ago. Your son will be fine in time. He has a diagnosis which will support him through his life and clearly he has the support of his parents. He really couldn't be in a better position to move forwards with his life. Of course he will have bad days as well as good. But they will become less with time.

I am by no means a legal expert but from what little you have said I suspect a good case can be put together on your sons behalf. However, as you have said this isn't something he will be able to cope with for some time yet. It falls then on someone else to look after his affairs. I can't help with that choice and the dichotomy will be costs versus emotional pressures.

Time will heal.

Take care

AiY

[gawabsky]

mark88man wrote:

"You will get useful help and advise from here, but posters are not mind readers, so possibly could you clarify what you are seeking"

Counselling ?

Thank you for your kind replies.

Regards,

Gawabsky

[johnhemming]

My general advice on private family law proceedings is to keep things out of court as much as you can. Also it is best really not to start in court or with solicitors letters unless there really is no choice. At times (and I have seen this on a number of occasions) the court battle between ex partners becomes psychologically so important to one or both of the ex-partners that the children take a second place. Even a solicitors letter can kick off a legalistic war that lasts for years.

I too am very sorry to read about your son's situation. Perhaps this organisation could give some proper help or advice.
https://www.fathers-4-justice.org/our-c ... e-support/

There is another organisation that works in the realm of private family law
https://fnf.org.uk/

FFJ can be a bit over the top sometimes and FNF may be able to give more effective advice.

An important thing to note about Private Family Law proceedings is that it can get very expensive and as with all litigation you are best managing the cost from the start. Although there are a lot of charlatans who offer paid advice as unregulated Mackenzie Friends (or legal assistants who are not qualified) there are also quite a few competent and cost effective people as well. I am aware of family court appeal cases which have been won through litigants in person and lay advisors (but it is rare).

At the same time you can find really good solicitors who can provide cost effective help, but it is important to manage the costs part of this.

That's where organisations like FNF or potentially FFJ can help with the processes in identifying if there is anyone available where you are or which solicitors they might recommend.

Hence if aiming to issue court proceedings for contact be careful from the start about who you ask to help.

Detailed advice cannot be provided via a forum.

[gawabsky]

Thanks Johnhemming,

We will take on board your comments.I have to say I am not optimistic he will see the children again.

It was clear years ago things would not end well. His ex has always demanded high control , had low empathy
and was exploitative and livid and abusive following his recovery. We and he believe informal contact would not be possible.

Remarks from his solicitors indicate they have their eye on the proceeds of his house equity for child contact proceedings.

We'll see what he decides to do.

Gawabsky