That BJ Press Conference in full

[simsqu]

PM …and in conclusion, can I just say that this great country of ours has been second to none in vaccine delivery, certainly more than those sausage-eating Germans or those garlic-breathing Frenchies, and I urge everyone to go get their British Brexit Booster jabs and GET VACCINES DONE!! Thank you very much. Now..er…I think there might be time for just one quick question…

LK Laura Kuennsberg from the BBC Prime Minister…

PM Ah yes, of course, Laura my dear lady, please make it a quick one as my wife said to me this morning hahaha…

LK Prime Minister what do you have to say about the incriminating video that’s just been released of you munching on camembert, quaffing a most agreeable Montrachet, and snogging one of your junior researchers at last year’s Downing Street Christmas party?

PM Well, yes, er…of course, this party, which may or may not have taken place…

LK But there’s a video of you!

PM Well Laura, if I may say so, I think it’s best to wait for the cabinet enquiry that I will speedily put in motion in the fullness of time, to er …establish the facts before…

LK But the fact is that you were at the party!

PM Well, I think we should wait for the outcome of the enquiry first, and let me say that if it turns out that I was at the party, which has yet to be established…

LK There’s a video of you!

PM forgive me, forgive me, if I may continue, if I was in fact at the party, then I shall instruct myself, in no uncertain terms, to be very sorry, and furthermore…

LK There’s a video of you!

PM …er…furthermore, we must learn the lesson and punish severely all those responsible of doing such a shoddy job of covering our tracks. Thank you all, and to all a good night

Exit Johnson, who can be heard whispering, “I think that went rather well Allegra, care to join me for a sharpener?”