Old Dads

[UncleEbenezer]

As soon as possible, introduce her/him/them to adult food. Age two upwards....?
Teach them to eat well and wisely so they won't get fat.

Sorry to break it to you, but the biggest determinant of obesity in later life comes long before age two. It's breast-feeding vs bottle-feeding.

Allow no dietary fads.

Fads are what adults (erm, and older children) sometimes do, and "not allowing" may be pretty powerless against an anorexic.

[88V8]

As soon as possible, introduce her/him/them to adult food. Age two upwards....?
Teach them to eat well and wisely so they won't get fat.

Sorry to break it to you, but the biggest determinant of obesity in later life comes long before age two. It's breast-feeding vs bottle-feeding.
Fads are what adults (erm, and older children) sometimes do, and "not allowing" may be pretty powerless against an anorexic.

Fads .... 'I don't eat greens' or 'I'm vegan' and the spectrum inbetween

Breast vs bottle, not that I'm likely do either but is breast best?

Another determinant, surely, seen in some supermarkets, the rotund parents waddling around with their trolley full of crisps and convenience foods, sugar, salt, their slim but doomed children trailing behind them... so sad.

V8

[bungeejumper]

Breast vs bottle, not that I'm likely do either but is breast best?

That's the current theory. Some say it's because bottle fed babies don't get all the beneficial gut bacteria that will keep their little innards running efficiently when they're older. So they're 25% more likely to grow up obese. (Apparently. )

Others incline toward the view that breast feeding is more likely to be on demand, so that you get a different feeding pattern from bottle feds, who might grow up more anxious about when the next meal is coming? And who are therefore more likely to eat now, just in case it doesn't?

BJ

[Mike88]

Being an older dad at 52 is daunting. I can only recall my experience of being a grandad at that age with responsibility for looking after the child. It was a shattering experience but the best thing about it was when the child was handed back to their parents at the end of the day. Children are great - they really are - but very hard work. They will always be a problem but the saying that children are always a problem to their parents, as the problems change with age, is correct.

If you have any choice in the matter I wouldn't recommend having a child at the age of 52. My son is great and I regard him as a friend as much as being his parent but you will be 96 when your child reaches 42/43. I recall that when my wife had her child at the age of 28 some 43 years ago she was regarded as being an older mother.

[redsturgeon]

I had my first child at 41 and my second at 44, best things that ever happened to me.

I am now 65 and enjoy immensely watching both of them make their way in the world. I am now old enough to be able to have more time to enjoy them and help them if necessary.

Many younger dads miss much of their children growing up due to work pressures, `i know many fathers who left the house before their young children woke in the morning and got home from work after they were in bed.

Children are a responsibility but not a burden, unless you make them so. (Ill heath aside but that's just life's lottery)

Relax and enjoy your child...every moment!


John

[Gerry557]

I read this yesterday but was unsure on how to comment positively rather that just give horror stories!

Being a parent is difficult at the best of times, it's hard work but can be rewarding, that's without the age issues.

Hopefully you are a young version of your age and in good health. Chasing after toddler is going to be the order of the day so how are you going to maintain this fitness. Maybe you are already doing weights and cardio. If not maybe you need a crib and a weights bench!

My initial concerns were if you were not in good health. Taking steps to have your kin looked after as best as could be. Some financial planning and extra life insurance. Hopefully you are in much better position financially than most young dad's.

Unfortunately, I know a couple in early 30s, two kids, unmarried, no life insurance recently bought a house when he passed away. A difficult time made much more difficult than it could of been with a few simple choices.

As others have mentioned it's much harder looking after kids at your age and from experience I would agree. I regularly have my two grandchildren stay over. I find it much harder having lack of sleep and keeping up with constant entertainment. Unfortunately they are limited on screen time so can't just stick them in front of the box all day. Luckily we don't have to fight with them and they see us as a treat. It would be much different if we had to do much of the day to day things and install the discipline or get them to eat their green etc. I think we have more quality time with the grandkids than our own. We even managed to keep them for a while when their parents tested positive for covid.

Often you "do" from experience or from observed parenting. Yours might be outdated and you might have to learn new techniques. IE smacking was the order of the day in your childhood but studies now think there are better ways and is banned in some places. There are no hard and fast rules, just do what works for you and your child. Even when I had everything "sussed" with my first, the same things didn't work with the second.

If you read Jack Reacher, "Plan for the worst, hope for the best"

[dealtn]

Your choices aren't be a young dad against being an old dad. They are to be an old dad, or no dad. That choice appears to have been made.

It will be the greatest journey you will take, so try and relax, and make sure you enjoy it as much as you can. It is literally life changing, but also life enhancing.

You will be fine. Look around you, and consider all the other folk that have become parents. Do you think you can't do at least as good a job as the average parent (and then consider half of them will be doing worse than that!).

Congratulations.

[servodude]

Your choices aren't be a young dad against being an old dad. They are to be an old dad, or no dad. That choice appears to have been made.

It will be the greatest journey you will take, so try and relax, and make sure you enjoy it as much as you can. It is literally life changing, but also life enhancing.

You will be fine. Look around you, and consider all the other folk that have become parents. Do you think you can't do at least as good a job as the average parent (and then consider half of them will be doing worse than that!).

Congratulations.

Couldn't agree more!

It'll be harder than you hope for and easier than you're worried about

You'll be the dad you are going to be
- any advice you get, any book you read, will probably be out of date and irrelevant before you get to the end of it; and your kid won't have read or heard it anyway

Give yourself the time and space to make the most of it
- as even if you get the chance to do it again... it won't be the same

Have fun

-sd

[pje16]

I had my first child at 41 and my second at 44, best things that ever happened to me.
John

Just to say I am one of 2 siblings and having a brother who is just over 2 years younger is fantastic
we got on as kids and now we are are both in our 60s we still treat each other as best mates and would do anything for each other

[kiloran]

Hi HYD

I'm inferring that you are either on the way to becoming a father (pregnant partner) or thinking about going down that path and are concerned or a little anxious about becoming a father at a mature age. Or is a friend doing so?
Can you say more?
Interesting thread.
Cheers

First sensible response, thanks BP, I knew that I could rely on you.

Yes to all of the above and it’s me, at the age of 52.

I’ll do a long post soon but the short version is that we have spent a heck of a lot of money (about £25k) trying to get pregnant and at the very last attempt before we ran out of money, it seems to have worked.

Still very very early days, 8 weeks. And given the age of my wife, 44, nothing is taken for granted. But exciting times for me and the Mrs.

HYD

Sounds like you've gone through several rounds of IVF. Been there, done that, sadly failed, and it is stressful, very stressful, especially for your wife.

If you've gone through all that and survived, parenthood will be a doddle.

Good luck!

--kiloran

[servodude]

I had my first child at 41 and my second at 44, best things that ever happened to me.
John

Just to say I am one of 2 siblings and having a brother who is just over 2 years younger is fantastic
we got on as kids and now we are are both in our 60s we still treat each other as best mates and would do anything for each other

The intervening 40 years though?

Joking! Well, mostly... most of the bones I've ever broken are in my brother 2 years younger
- the two brothers younger than him were never old enough (relatively) to be annoying enough to warrant intervention

-sd

[pje16]

I find a 2 year gap is fine
mind you my brother has two daughters 7 years apart
The elder one "mothered" her sister when she was very young and now in their late 20s and early 30s they get on very well and are so funny whenever I see them together
we don't tend to break bones, ours or each others

[UncleEbenezer]

Never forget. For the child, This be the verse.

[GrahamPlatt]

No advice from me - but Congratulations!

[stevensfo]

Yes, congratulations!

I had our two sons when I was 30-35 and even then, still remember being so tired that I was falling asleep after reading/telling stories in bed, and my wife waking me up cos I was snoring. The thought of them as teenagers in my 60s is terrifying, but I'm sure you'll cope. Just feign deafness, forgetfulness, keep some valium etc.

There was a 'golden age' approx when they were 2-12, when we could enjoy things together, play with toys, go to the park etc, but that changes somewhat when the hormones start and 'Dad' becomes another boring adult who is sooo uncool, listens to awful classical music like Chopin, The Sex Pistols, Deep Purple, Dire Straits etc.

One great advantage is you get to explore toy shops without people staring at you and calling security.

I'm still waiting for the arrival of grandchildren so I can continue where I left off.

Steve

[bluedonkey]

Yes, congratulations!

I had our two sons when I was 30-35 and even then, still remember being so tired that I was falling asleep after reading/telling stories in bed, and my wife waking me up cos I was snoring. The thought of them as teenagers in my 60s is terrifying, but I'm sure you'll cope. Just feign deafness, forgetfulness, keep some valium etc.

There was a 'golden age' approx when they were 2-12, when we could enjoy things together, play with toys, go to the park etc, but that changes somewhat when the hormones start and 'Dad' becomes another boring adult who is sooo uncool, listens to awful classical music like Chopin, The Sex Pistols, Deep Purple, Dire Straits etc.

One great advantage is you get to explore toy shops without people staring at you and calling security.

I'm still waiting for the arrival of grandchildren so I can continue where I left off.

Steve

I identify with a lot of that. Well said regarding the "golden age", teenagers .... aargh! "Hello Mr & Mrs Bluedonkey, it's the school here, could you come in to discuss a few issues with little bluedonkey?" It was great playing with a toddler, they really know how to enjoy themselves! And the only time I've ever impressed someone with my ball kicking skills was back then.

[dubre]

Most of the above replies are taken from the point of view of the parents. I am an expert on the subject as the child sees it.My recollections of being the son of elderly parents are these, some of which were quite traumatic at the time.
1.My mother was frequently tired. Caring for children is hard work.
2.Elderly parents will seem "old fashioned" to their children and to the friends of their children, no matter how hard they try to "keep up".
3.Two of my grandparents died before I knew them. the other two lived to a great age and still died when I was quite young.
4.People, on meeting my parents for the first time, assumed they were grandparents. Other age related events were embarrassing at times.
5.It has had the knock on effect of my own children being young when their grandparents died.

However, do not mis-understand. My parents were wonderful people who gave me a happy home life with all the care and attention that I needed. I just wish that I had had them for longer.

[Clitheroekid]

I’ll do a long post soon but the short version is that we have spent a heck of a lot of money (about £25k) trying to get pregnant and at the very last attempt before we ran out of money, it seems to have worked.

Advice? Just remind them of this when they start asking for pocket money!

And congratulations.

[Howyoudoin]

Most of the above replies are taken from the point of view of the parents. I am an expert on the subject as the child sees it.My recollections of being the son of elderly parents are these, some of which were quite traumatic at the time.
1.My mother was frequently tired. Caring for children is hard work.
2.Elderly parents will seem "old fashioned" to their children and to the friends of their children, no matter how hard they try to "keep up".
3.Two of my grandparents died before I knew them. the other two lived to a great age and still died when I was quite young.
4.People, on meeting my parents for the first time, assumed they were grandparents. Other age related events were embarrassing at times.
5.It has had the knock on effect of my own children being young when their grandparents died.

However, do not mis-understand. My parents were wonderful people who gave me a happy home life with all the care and attention that I needed. I just wish that I had had them for longer.

Do you know what? I don’t care about any of the above (very good!) points that you make.

It is my Wife’s dream to have a child. Since my Wife became part of the HYD family 4 years ago, it has been amazing how quickly they have accepted her. Not just that but she will babysit and take my nieces/nephews out at a moments notice.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, yes I’m an old Dad, and yes, she’s an older Mother. But, we have a lot more money behind us now than we did 20 years ago so are better positioned to support our child than we were 20 years ago.

I understand why some are concerned. But we have the means to better support our child.

HYD

[Howyoudoin]

Being an older dad at 52 is daunting. I can only recall my experience of being a grandad at that age with responsibility for looking after the child. It was a shattering experience but the best thing about it was when the child was handed back to their parents at the end of the day. Children are great - they really are - but very hard work. They will always be a problem but the saying that children are always a problem to their parents, as the problems change with age, is correct.

If you have any choice in the matter I wouldn't recommend having a child at the age of 52. My son is great and I regard him as a friend as much as being his parent but you will be 96 when your child reaches 42/43. I recall that when my wife had her child at the age of 28 some 43 years ago she was regarded as being an older mother.

Hi Mike, I understand your concern but it's not fair to say that you are so happy with your son and I will be too old to do the same.