The Lemon Fool

Howyoudoin wrote:

Mike88 wrote:Being an older dad at 52 is daunting. I can only recall my experience of being a grandad at that age with responsibility for looking after the child. It was a shattering experience but the best thing about it was when the child was handed back to their parents at the end of the day. Children are great - they really are - but very hard work. They will always be a problem but the saying that children are always a problem to their parents, as the problems change with age, is correct.

If you have any choice in the matter I wouldn't recommend having a child at the age of 52. My son is great and I regard him as a friend as much as being his parent but you will be 96 when your child reaches 42/43. I recall that when my wife had her child at the age of 28 some 43 years ago she was regarded as being an older mother.

Hi Mike, I understand your concern but it's not fair to say that you are so happy with your son and I will be too old to do the same.

It's a very different world from what it was 20 or 30 years ago.

People are aging better and healthier than they were when I were a kid; today's 70 is the 50 of years gone by.

So most anecdotal experiences in this area from folk (in this forum at least I'd wager) are likely going to be out of date.

The age of parents matters much less than it used to; health and general condition is much more important than age
My eldest has just finished high school and her friends have parents between their 30s to late 60s

The distribution of fuddy-duddies was pretty even among them

Hope it's all going well; start stocking up on sleep.

-sd

Howyoudoin wrote: yes I’m an old Dad, and yes, she’s an older Mother. But, we have a lot more money behind us now than we did 20 years ago so are better positioned to support our child than we were 20 years ago.

I understand why some are concerned. But we have the means to better support our child.

From my perspective the only potential problem is money. When your child goes to Uni, and with all that expense, you will be 70, presumably retired and your income will be much lower.

If that is not a problem, as you say, then do it. You are going to be 70 either way, so wouldn't it be better to be 70 with a child that you clearly both want? Rather than 70 with no child?

Lootman wrote:

Howyoudoin wrote: yes I’m an old Dad, and yes, she’s an older Mother. But, we have a lot more money behind us now than we did 20 years ago so are better positioned to support our child than we were 20 years ago.

I understand why some are concerned. But we have the means to better support our child.

From my perspective the only potential problem is money. When your child goes to Uni, and with all that expense, you will be 70, presumably retired and your income will be much lower.

If that is not a problem, as you say, then do it. You are going to be 70 either way, so wouldn't it be better to be 70 with a child that you clearly both want? Rather than 70 with no child?

Thanks, I completely agree.

Money, thankfully, is not a problem. We are both higher earners and relishing the chance of raising a child.

HYD

Lootman wrote:

Howyoudoin wrote: yes I’m an old Dad, and yes, she’s an older Mother. But, we have a lot more money behind us now than we did 20 years ago so are better positioned to support our child than we were 20 years ago.

I understand why some are concerned. But we have the means to better support our child.

From my perspective the only potential problem is money. When your child goes to Uni, and with all that expense, you will be 70, presumably retired and your income will be much lower.

If that is not a problem, as you say, then do it. You are going to be 70 either way, so wouldn't it be better to be 70 with a child that you clearly both want? Rather than 70 with no child?

That can play rather well, if it helps the offspring qualify for various means-tested funds.

As my nephews have done in recent times. One of them (now recently graduated) mentioned a package of £16k/year as a student at Durham.

UPDATE

My Crimean wife had her 20 week scan a couple of weeks ago and . . . it’s a boy.

Due on the same day as my birthday in August, which is coincidentally when we are due to move from our 1 bed flat in West London to a 3 bed flat house further out. No pressure then.

Exciting times.

HYD

dubre wrote:Most of the above replies are taken from the point of view of the parents. I am an expert on the subject as the child sees it.My recollections of being the son of elderly parents are these, some of which were quite traumatic at the time.
1.My mother was frequently tired. Caring for children is hard work.
2.Elderly parents will seem "old fashioned" to their children and to the friends of their children, no matter how hard they try to "keep up".
3.Two of my grandparents died before I knew them. the other two lived to a great age and still died when I was quite young.
4.People, on meeting my parents for the first time, assumed they were grandparents. Other age related events were embarrassing at times.
5.It has had the knock on effect of my own children being young when their grandparents died.

However, do not mis-understand. My parents were wonderful people who gave me a happy home life with all the care and attention that I needed. I just wish that I had had them for longer.

Although I understand to a certain degree, I think it’s a shame that you talk about your ‘older’ parents this way.

It is what it is. However, if items 1-5 above are considered ‘Cons’ can I add one to the ‘Pro’ list?

1. My son will have the latest clothes, trainers and iPhone. He will also be the only kid dropped off at school in a new sports car. * The other kids will be like ‘Whoa dude, your dad is so cool. Where did you get those fly threads?’.

So there.

HYD

* Not really

dubre wrote:2.Elderly parents will seem "old fashioned" to their children and to the friends of their children, no matter how hard they try to "keep up".

4.People, on meeting my parents for the first time, assumed they were grandparents. Other age related events were embarrassing at times.

Got news for you.
- All parents are seen as old fashioned to their children.
- They are all embarrassingly old.

I remember an interesting example of a child's perspective from when my son was 5 years old. He suddenly chirped up once "Before Grandpa, there were dinosaurs...."

Howyoudoin wrote:

dubre wrote:Most of the above replies are taken from the point of view of the parents. I am an expert on the subject as the child sees it.My recollections of being the son of elderly parents are these, some of which were quite traumatic at the time.
1.My mother was frequently tired. Caring for children is hard work.
2.Elderly parents will seem "old fashioned" to their children and to the friends of their children, no matter how hard they try to "keep up".
3.Two of my grandparents died before I knew them. the other two lived to a great age and still died when I was quite young.
4.People, on meeting my parents for the first time, assumed they were grandparents. Other age related events were embarrassing at times.
5.It has had the knock on effect of my own children being young when their grandparents died.

However, do not mis-understand. My parents were wonderful people who gave me a happy home life with all the care and attention that I needed. I just wish that I had had them for longer.

Although I understand to a certain degree, I think it’s a shame that you talk about your ‘older’ parents this way.

It is what it is. However, if items 1-5 above are considered ‘Cons’ can I add one to the ‘Pro’ list?

1. My son will have the latest clothes, trainers and iPhone. He will also be the only kid dropped off at school in a new sports car. * The other kids will be like ‘Whoa dude, your dad is so cool. Where did you get those fly threads?’.

So there.

HYD

* Not really

Take care not to let him become a spoilt brat. Money and 'the latest' of everything is not usually very important in the scheme of things. One modest disadvantage of being a Dad at that age would I suppose be that as I said, the kid might be showered with the 'latest' and that he may well be an only child, but other than that just get on with it and enjoy the new challenges. I wish you and your wife well.

Dod

Giving your son your time is more important than giving trainers.

Howyoudoin wrote:UPDATE

My Crimean wife had her 20 week scan a couple of weeks ago and . . . it’s a boy.

Due on the same day as my birthday in August, which is coincidentally when we are due to move from our 1 bed flat in West London to a 3 bed flat house further out. No pressure then.

Exciting times.

HYD

Congratulations. So the plan is to go into labour from the 1 bed flat, give you a few hours to paint the new nursery, pop out the wee boy and back to the new three bedder. Sounds like a plan. Your misses can save on birthday cards too, you can share.

Leothebear wrote:Giving your son your time is more important than giving trainers.

Perhaps it wasn't clear but my post was tongue in cheek for a number of reasons:

(i) I wouldn't have a clue about the latest clothes/trainers, nor should anyone in their 50s I think.

(ii) The Mrs and I don't have the latest phone so the chances of the boy getting one are zero. Nor would I buy any phone for a child under 10.*

(iii) I haven't driven for over 10 years and can think of more important things to spend our money on than a new sports car. Like the gas and electric bills at our new house now we are upgrading from a 1 bed flat.

HYD

* I would have no qualms letting them use my iPhone/iPad at home and out with supervision though. My Wife's friends came to visit with their 5yo at the weekend and it amazed me that not only do they not have a TV at home but they do not allow him to use a phone/iPad on long car journeys. Each to their own but that will not be my parenting style. Having said that the 5yo was allowed to get away with what he wanted on our trip out and rarely bothered responding to 'no' from his parents, not that they said no very often when I thought they should have. Example - he climbed all over the vintage scooters on show in my local Italian Restaurant. I was horrified that the parents didn't even ask if that was ok, never mind say 'no'.

Congratulations HYD, so pleased for you. Just practice saying "hogyn da" (hoggin da) it's Welsh for good boy, he might as well grown up tri-lingual

R6

Congratulations HYD. I've no kids of my own and at 49 have resigned myself to probably never having any, however last time I was in a relationship (quite a while ago now!) my then girlfriend had three kids from her marriage. They were 10, 7 and 6 at the time and really were cracking good fun. I think at that age they look up to you and I tried to treat them like I would my own children. I remember the 6 year old (who was a bit of a bruiser) getting on my knee one day and saying "I love you Mr Lester", it really brought a tear to my eye. Unfortunately the girlfriend dumped me after about a year and I never saw the kids again but I still remember them.

I hope it works out great for you.