"Poses to Pass Gas"

[jfgw]

Most of these yoga poses, also called asanas, are best done alone...

I think my order of preference (favourite first) would be:

1. No. 5: Squats;
2. No. 3: Happy baby pose;
3. No. 2: Knee to chest pose (as long is it's not too smelly);
4. No. 1: Child's pose;
5. No. 4: Seated forward pose;
6. No. 6: Twists.

Julian F. G. W.

[UncleEbenezer]

You'll be hard pressed to beat the late, great Dave Allen, here.

At the dinner table, you just raise yourself fractionally to make a clean pass.

[nimnarb]

I can speak from personal experience. You young things will know when it's time to retire or get some help. So visualize the scene. In a really busy shoe store and I bend down on one knee to help my wife put on some shoes and a real popper of a clapperoo just propels itself out of nowhere. I couldn't believe it. I've passed a few in my day but not like that! People started looking at me and I just continued as if nothing had happened and was hoping that they perhaps thought it wasn't me, could it be the lady who was sitting down. God help me if I even went there and oh boy did she give me such a look. Wife was trying several pairs of shoes on and after 15 minutes forgot all about what I did, albeit giggling internally like a schoolboy originally. Yes you guessed it, I did it again, except louder and a smelly one at that and this time it was obvious where it came from and I just couldn't stop laughing. Actually it was uncontrollable! Oh I do love a good fart but this has never happened when on one knee, I can though summon it up sometimes at will(can't wait for a Snorvey story here) . It didn't end well though as the wife bundled me out of there, apologized to others due to my love for eggs it seems and got no shoes. Don't think we spoke for the day. Well I really couldn't blame her as I hadn't laughed so much for ages as it saved me a bunch of money and the tears were streaming down my gaseous eyes and you know what happens when you laugh, perhaps have a problem in that department, not to mention that was the day that they came out like a category 4 hurricane at approximately every 2 minutes.

So for me, don't drop on one knee as produces an air corridor of opportunity. Well that was about three years ago and I no longer need to drop on one knee or have any type of pose to produce a form of flatulance that is. Take me for a good curry, then I suggest everybody leaves. Wife refuses to have a curry with me, wonder why. Any pose will do depending on the occasion. Get in there

[jfgw]

This might have worked better if I had provided the link

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321556#poses


Julian F. G. W.

[ReformedCharacter]

I prefer the 'Moon Rocket' where you gently lift yourself off your seat as you expel flammable propellant.

In reality, there are far more poses than the half dozen or so in the article. When performing my signature two tone 'British Rail' or the hauntingly beautiful 'whalesong' I have to adapt the correct posture so I can get the correct adjustments /flow settings.

There's a lot of work that goes in to these things.

As ever, I'm grateful to those Lemonfools who generously - and modestly - offer their knowledge on various topics without trumpeting their own expertise.

RC

[OLTB]

I always remember reading the descriptions of ‘freep’ and ‘brompton’ in the wonderful book, The Meaning of Liff’ by Douglas Adams. A ‘Brompton’ is that which is said to have been committed when you are convinced you are about to blow off with a resounding trumpeting noise in a public place and all that actually slips out is a tiny ‘pfpt’. A ‘Freep’ is a pathetic little fart that sounds like a trimphone.

Cheers, OLTB.

[AsleepInYorkshire]

I can seldom claim to be an expert in any subject. But flatulence is an area I have become well versed in. CPAP or continuous positive airway pressure is the gold standard treatment for my condition (severe obstructive sleep apnea). It works. But one of the side effects can be that "one" swallows the air. This has two ways of leaving the body. Of course it has to work its way through ones entire digestive system first. As this gas is not created by the act of digestion it's distinctly odourless. However, when it does emerge it can often reverberate for a substantial period of time. Recently my CPAP machine was changed. The new machine has a way of recognising my demand for air and can reduce or increase that requirement by 25% from the default constant pressure setting.

There has been a corresponding and dramatic reduction in solo trumpet renditions for which I am eternally grateful.

AiY

[UncleEbenezer]

I should get one of those machines. It would be like fuelling the space shuttle prior to launch.

What, can't you function without being full of cpap?

Next thing, you'll be admitting a need for \/|@gra.

[nimnarb]

I should get one of those machines. It would be like fuelling the space shuttle prior to launch.

What, can't you function without being full of cpap?

Next thing, you'll be admitting a need for \/|@gra.

In Florida, every place you go have these places that sell medical equipment and they normally are on busy roads. When your eyes are going and you have no idea what a cpap is plus you are traveling at over 40 mph and about 30 yds from the sign in the window that states "We sell Cpap" the first p looks like an r and one does a double take. Took me a year or so to work it out.

[AsleepInYorkshire]

I should get one of those machines. It would be like fuelling the space shuttle prior to launch.

What, can't you function without being full of cpap?

Next thing, you'll be admitting a need for \/|@gra.

Apart from the microchip within my CPAP device there is another way to know if I am getting a good nights sleep. And I suppose it's the bodies natural Viagra Approximately 50% of our REM sleep occurs in the last cycle of our sleep. There being approximately 4-5 cycles per night. During REM sleep our blood pressure "spikes". This is true for both men and women. However, men have a physical side effect connected to this.

To the best of my knowledge the CPAP does not reinforce this natural occurrence

But a good nights sleep does

AiY

[stevensfo]

I was always put off talking about this sort of thing after an embarrassing evening when I was a teenager and my parents had a visitor. At that time I had a friend who rode a sports moped - 50cc but looked like a real motorbike - and there was a loud noise just like it that made me jump up and say something like "You have to be kidding!" I realised too late that at 9pm it was unlikely to be him, and it was the visitor who had made the most amazing impression of an over tuned 50cc 2-stroke engine coming up a hill.

Up until a few years ago, my wife served as an alarm clock, with regular wake-ups farts at about 6.30. Then she stopped going to the works canteen and I had to rely on the other clock.

I find that red kidney beans and apples are a certain trigger. Though if you cut down on meat, it's just the initial blast that hits you, not the fallout!

Steve

[jfgw]

Maybe it's time to revisit this,
https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisboese/592408465
And this,
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0830515/me ... 1296763648

Julian F. G. W.

[servodude]

Maybe it's time to revisit this,
https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisboese/592408465
And this,
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0830515/me ... 1296763648

Julian F. G. W.

and this?
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0271609/

-sd

[bungeejumper]

Surely nothing has ever beaten this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf4zzVbuq58

BJ

[UncleEbenezer]

I was always put off talking about this sort of thing after an embarrassing evening when I was a teenager and my parents had a visitor. At that time I had a friend who rode a sports moped - 50cc but looked like a real motorbike - and there was a loud noise just like it that made me jump up and say something like "You have to be kidding!"

If the Turing test measures conversation, what test did that incident pass?

[marronier]

One of Leonard Rossiter's finest roles was as Le Petomane ( The Fartiste ) ?

[bungeejumper]

One of Leonard Rossiter's finest roles was as Le Petomane ( The Fartiste ) ?

I note that one of his co-stars rejoiced in the name of Michael Ripper.

BJ