Death

[Rhyd6]

Why are people so afraid to use this word? People no longer say he/she died - they passed away, left us, departed. There was an announcement in our local paper todat re the death of a local funeral director and even they referred to "his demise". I've left strict instructions to my children that when I die the notice they put in the paper must refer to me "Popping my clogs". it might make someone smile.

R6

[Bouleversee]

Why are people so afraid to use this word? People no longer say he/she died - they passed away, left us, departed. There was an announcement in our local paper todat re the death of a local funeral director and even they referred to "his demise". I've left strict instructions to my children that when I die the notice they put in the paper must refer to me "Popping my clogs". it might make someone smile.

R6

I use "popping my clogs" when referring to my death in the future but when it actually happens I want my family to announce that I have died.

[pje16]

That got me thinking - why do we say that, well...

In Victorian times, many factory workers would wear clogs, due to malnutrition many would suffer from edema (swollen feet/limbs etc) to the point of death. Many were found with their clogs broken due to the swelling of the feet. Hence the phrase “popped his clogs”

[Dod101]

I entirely agree and have at times been tempted to ask the same question of some who have commented on these Boards on the death of some celebrity or another as, they 'passed away'.

Unfortunately it is simply part of life (so to speak) and I have given strict instructions that my death is to be announced as such (if anyone really cares)

I have literally watched two wives die, much younger than either should have but that is life whether we like it or not.

Dod

[6Tricia]

I, too, find these euphemisms weird to say the least! Just recently I received a message that an acquaintance had "passed". I almost wanted to ask "passed what? - an exam?. Maybe it's because I'm old that people are reluctant to use the word die in my presence, but when I refer to my death that's what I say - "after my death ".

Tricia

[redsturgeon]

I always refer to a death as precisely that, when my mother died a couple of years ago I wondered whether I would start using euphemisms but no, she died and remains dead.

John

[bungeejumper]

Like Tricia, I've been interested to see how the word "passed" has taken hold, as a replacement for "passed away". I assume it came from America?

On the one level, the shortened terminology seems a bit less fanciful than the traditional one, which always struck me a a bit "curtains drawn by angels borne" and pseudo-religious anyway. The deceased was implicitly assumed to be "passing away" from one place to another (if you get my drift), whereas you widened your options a bit when you took away the "away", which implied that the death had a transitional direction. "Passed" is a neutral assumption, which suits our modern attitudes about afterlives etc, rather better.

But I haven't quite got rid of the fact that when medics talk about a patient passing, it normally has more to do with wind or water or some other bodily function.

BJ

[pje16]

When my Mum (RIP) passed after a long illness my Dad (I live a 5 mins drive from him) called and said "Paul I think she's gone"
She had been bedridden for over 2 years and we could see her getting worse week by week
She had some lunch, no drink then went to sleep and didn't wake up
Whenever I go, I want it to be like that... so very calm
As you see I still use the term passed

[scrumpyjack]

I completely agree. Call a spade a spade.

I really don't like the term 'passed'. An American euphemism I think, possibly implying that the person has 'passed on' from this life to some other one, which, as an atheist, I find an irritating assumption.

I have personal experience of a hospital doctor using the word 'gone' when death had not occurred and another doctor, the mandatory 2nd opinion, disagreed. It was extremely and unnecessarily distressing.

Death/died is unambiguous and those are the words that should be used.

[AsleepInYorkshire]

Why are people so afraid to use this word? People no longer say he/she died - they passed away, left us, departed. There was an announcement in our local paper todat re the death of a local funeral director and even they referred to "his demise". I've left strict instructions to my children that when I die the notice they put in the paper must refer to me "Popping my clogs". it might make someone smile.

R6

They can play this when I shuffle off this mortal coil
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9SMUzj-_4Q

The last laugh is on me

AiY

[Allitnil]

I think it was the great NYPD Blue where the detectives always said "sorry for your loss" when talking to the relatives of victims and I remember thinking it was a bit of an odd phrase.

My father died at the end of last year and my mother was very explicit that he had died and that she didn't want anyone to say lost, passed away or gone. She was right. He lived a long and mostly very happy life and we don't invent euphemisms for that, so why do so for death? He lived, he died. He lives on in our memories.

[dealtn]

He lived a long and mostly very happy life and we don't invent euphemisms for that, so why do so for death?

Sounds like he had a good innings. I think we do have euphemisms for that too.

[Lootman]

I think it was the great NYPD Blue where the detectives always said "sorry for your loss" when talking to the relatives of victims and I remember thinking it was a bit of an odd phrase.

Yeah, that is a widely used phrase when someone feels that they have to say something.

45 years ago my first job out of Uni was as a hospital manager, back when the public sector was somewhere that people wanted to work. On my first day somebody shoved a file onto my desk called "deaths". I later learned that none of the other hospital managers wanted to deal with deaths, not least because they never knew what to say and yet felt they had to say something.

It didn't bother me at all and from that day on I was the "deaths guy". I would deal with the families, the doctors, the mortuary manager (man, he was a weird one), the pathologist (also weird), undertakers (all weird). It never bothered me because, after all, I did not know any of the deceased. And yes, they all "died".

Of course there was the one time a guy died and both his wife and his mistress turned up at the same time to claim the body. I was not paid enough for that.

[ReformedCharacter]

Of course there was the one time a guy died and both his wife and his mistress turned up at the same time to claim the body. I was not paid enough for that.

Someone I know gathered with his mother and siblings at his father's deathbed in hospital only to be joined by another family who arrived for the same reason. Quite a time to find out that you have half-siblings.

RC

[UncleEbenezer]

I later learned that none of the other hospital managers wanted to deal with deaths, not least because they never knew what to say and yet felt they had to say something.

It didn't bother me at all and from that day on I was the "deaths guy".

Hehe. I can imagine it. Completely insensitive to the nuances of euphemism. Doubtless the best way to deal with the vast majority of cases.

Of course there was the one time a guy died and both his wife and his mistress turned up at the same time to claim the body. I was not paid enough for that.

A comedy sketch starring Lootman with Hattie Jacques and Barbara Windsor?

[bungeejumper]

Of course there was the one time a guy died and both his wife and his mistress turned up at the same time to claim the body. I was not paid enough for that.

Great story. To have two women fighting over you, and not just to the end, but beyond!

My friend's dad dropped dead on the pavement, aged ninety, having parked his convertible on a double yellow line while he popped into the shop for some of his favourite cheese. I could think of worse ways to go.

BJ

[Lootman]

Of course there was the one time a guy died and both his wife and his mistress turned up at the same time to claim the body. I was not paid enough for that.

Someone I know gathered with his mother and siblings at his father's deathbed in hospital only to be joined by another family who arrived for the same reason. Quite a time to find out that you have half-siblings.

There is a great play by Arthur Miller called "The Ride down Mount Morgan". Basically it is about a guy who has two wives, two families and two homes, neither of whom know about each other. Then, one night, whilst driving his car down Mount Morgan, he crashes and ends up in hospital, whereupon his two wives show up and, well, I won't spoil the rest.

[bungeejumper]

On my first day somebody shoved a file onto my desk called "deaths". I later learned that none of the other hospital managers wanted to deal with deaths, not least because they never knew what to say and yet felt they had to say something.

It didn't bother me at all and from that day on I was the "deaths guy".

The first job that trainee newspaper reporters are given is the doorstep run. That's when they get sent round to the house of the newly-bereaved to interview the grieving widows.

If you've ever wondered how TV reporters manage to ask, "so how did you feel when your five year old son fell off the boat and was eaten alive right in front of you by the prowling sharks?", it's because they have the school of hard knocks hammered into them in their very first week on the job. After a few weeks of case-hardening, they learn to be unsentimental and unashamed about intruding on people's grief. They never quite lose it.

BJ

[Clariman]

I don't think there should be any rules for it. When a loved one dies/passes away it is a very difficult time so let's be sensitive to that.

I'm fairly matter of fact so have always talked about when my parents died but some people find the word difficult. If someone talks to me about a loved one 'passing away' I generally use that term when responding. It feels more respectful to use the words they prefer when they are upset.

Clariman

[PhaseThree]

Lots of choices here without mentioning Death once...

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

Personally I've always liked "pushing up the daisies" but could be persuaded by "off the twig".