The Lemon Fool

Rhyd6 wrote:Why are people so afraid to use this word? People no longer say he/she died - they passed away, left us, departed. There was an announcement in our local paper todat re the death of a local funeral director and even they referred to "his demise". I've left strict instructions to my children that when I die the notice they put in the paper must refer to me "Popping my clogs". it might make someone smile.

'People' is too much of a generalisation, don't you think?

Some people are, some people are not. Those people who prefer to use the death word are more likely to notice when other people don't. And vice versa. Probably. So while it's a valid topic for discussion it's ultimately pointless because there are no rights or wrongs about it, only personal preferences and respecting other people's choices.

Much the same could be said about funerals. Some people seem to want lavish funerals with all the trimmings, which is perfectly fine by me. Personally, I hate funerals and do not understand why anyone would want to make a big thing about such a sad event as someone's death. But again, there are so many different traditions and beliefs surrounding death that there cannot be just one way to deal with it. Personal preferences.

I've left my body to medical science. When I die they will come and collect me and that will be that. No funeral, no announcements in the papers, no cost, no fuss. Anyone wanting to say nice things about a dead person really ought to make the effort to do it while they are alive, rather than say it to a coffin, when it's too late really. But that's just my own personal preference.

jdoe wrote:
I've left my body to medical science. When I die they will come and collect me and that will be that. No funeral, no announcements in the papers, no cost, no fuss. Anyone wanting to say nice things about a dead person really ought to make the effort to do it while they are alive, rather than say it to a coffin, when it's too late really. But that's just my own personal preference.

That is your choice of course. But I don't think the funeral and saying nice things about the deceased is for your benefit (well it can't be can it?). It's for the benefit of those very close to the deceased. When my parents died (on separate occasions) while I found the funeral stressful, I found the wake afterwards very cathartic and hearing the fond memories people had of them very comforting. It doesn't end the grief, but I think it does start the healing process.

Absolutely.

My ideal is to omit the actual burial/cremation/whatever bit altogether (hence the body donation), wait a few weeks until the initial shock/grief has subsided and then have some sort of commemorative gathering or party at which everyone can reminisce about all the happier times rather than focus on the sadness of the actual death.

Similar in principle to a funeral/wake but just with an extended timeline I suppose.

The bell’s a tolling
And it’s for me
I didn’t realise but time’s not free
The end is nigh,
It’s time to die,
For I am dead but do not cry

Rejoice for me, I’ve run my race
The time has come to leave this place
But I’ve not gone, I’m still around
Above your head, beneath the ground
The wind and breeze, the moss covered rocks
Dolphins and gales and birds in their flocks

I cannot leave while you’re still here
I’m in your thoughts, in every tear
I have not left, nor have I gone,
I’m in your breath, I’m in your song,
Remember me with smile and grace
For I am in a better place

When you’re down and feeling low
Think of me and I will show
I’ll stand by you, an eternal dove,
Your ever friend, your ever love
The morning dew the evening glow
Think of me and I will show

AiY (Copyright AiY)

AiY - may I have your permission to copy this and use it at a wake in the not too distant future. My friend is in the final stages of ovarian cancer and your poem sums up how her friends feel about her.

R6

Rhyd6 wrote:AiY - may I have your permission to copy this and use it at a wake in the not too distant future. My friend is in the final stages of ovarian cancer and your poem sums up how her friends feel about her.

R6

If it helps of course you can

AiY

AiY - never knew you were a poet. Have you (or anyone) also set it to music?

Rhyd6 wrote:AiY - may I have your permission to copy this and use it at a wake in the not too distant future. My friend is in the final stages of ovarian cancer and your poem sums up how her friends feel about her.

R6

Some more great pieces for that (putting AiY in good company).

Shakespeare, in Finzi's arrangement.
Or this, from Goodall's Eternal Light.

I've sung the first (with organ accompaniment) at a funeral myself. I'd certainly do the second too if the occasion arose.

UncleEbenezer wrote:AiY - never knew you were a poet. Have you (or anyone) also set it to music?

Rhyd6 wrote:AiY - may I have your permission to copy this and use it at a wake in the not too distant future. My friend is in the final stages of ovarian cancer and your poem sums up how her friends feel about her.

R6

Some more great pieces for that (putting AiY in good company).

Shakespeare, in Finzi's arrangement.
Or this, from Goodall's Eternal Light.

I've sung the first (with organ accompaniment) at a funeral myself. I'd certainly do the second too if the occasion arose.

I think I'm far from being anything close to that of a poet. But thank you for your kind words. My knowledge of music could be written on the back of a stamp with a magic marker

AiY

I prefer "passed away' - it softens the impact on the listener.

For myself, as and when i would like it to be known I have relocated.

brightncheerful wrote:I prefer "passed away' - it softens the impact on the listener.
For myself, as and when i would like it to be known I have relocated.

Please leave a forwarding address for your post etc

pje16 wrote:

brightncheerful wrote:I prefer "passed away' - it softens the impact on the listener.
For myself, as and when i would like it to be known I have relocated.

Please leave a forwarding address for your post etc

PO Box xxx
Cloud

Reading this reminds me of two things. First, I don't know how many of you are familiar with Jeremy James, a small boy (age 4?) who has lots of adventures. In one, he and his family go to stay at a hotel, and the hotel owner doesn't have a husband, because she has lost him. Also, she used to have a son, but has lost him as well. Anyway, JJ thinks it's a bit daft not to be looking for them, and ends up getting himself locked in a cellar because he thinks he has heard one of them down there. Lots of his adventures are about grown ups not saying what they mean.

Second, I was speaking with some people who I meet regularly, but don't know very well. One of them said she had passed her A-levels, and a minute or two later someone said something about someone (who I didn't know) having passed. I looked blank for a second and was about to ask "A-levels? Driving test?" when the conversation moved on and I realised the person had died.

My mum died a couple of years ago. I find it's less confusing for me. But I appreciate that not everyone feels the same, so if other people are using different language in a conversation I will probably copy their word use to some extent. Unless I'm confused...