Donate to Remove ads

Got a credit card? use our Credit Card & Finance Calculators

Thanks to johnstevens77,Bhoddhisatva,scotia,Anonymous,Cornytiv34, for Donating to support the site

The Start of a Retirement Plan

A virtual pub for off topic, light hearted pub related banter and discussion. No trainers
AsleepInYorkshire
Lemon Half
Posts: 7383
Joined: February 7th, 2017, 9:36 pm
Has thanked: 10514 times
Been thanked: 4659 times

The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448399

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 6th, 2021, 9:15 pm

I've been thinking about what I will do when I retire. Whilst that day is some time off I have decided to indulge my dreams.

I imagine my last day at work may not be a full shift ;)

And having arrived home early I will go into the garage and grab the largest hammer I can find. Then I will smash seven shades of manure out of my calculator. I'll probably burn my ppe too. I'll go to bed early and sleep the sweetest night I've ever had.

When I wake at about 11am the next morning I'll go down stairs and break open a bottle of champagne. I'll watch Star Wars and also pop out to the local supermarket, where I will grab the largest trolley in sight and promptly stand in the entranceway for an incredibly long time whilst I survey the shop in front of me. I'll make sure I walk down the middle of every aisle and buy nothing. Except the biggest tub of ice cream I can find. I'll drop the first one and watch it split open before I reach for another.

Then I'll go into the supermarket cafe and tell them I'm a pensioner and get 10% of my cup of tea. I'll spend about 5 minutes looking for my debit card, discount card and points card. Then I'll pay for my £1.40 cup of tea.

When I've finished my cuppa I'll amble out of the supermarket and back home. My ice cream will be liquid by this time, so I'll drink it.

I'll make sure I ring all my friends, which will take at least 2 minutes and tell them I've retired and would they like to join the lawn green bowling club with me. A gentleman's sport.

I can't wait

AiY

monabri
Lemon Half
Posts: 8396
Joined: January 7th, 2017, 9:56 am
Has thanked: 1539 times
Been thanked: 3428 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448463

Postby monabri » October 7th, 2021, 9:30 am

Hah! Sounds like a plan. You are also allowed to complain loudly, it says so on the free bus pass. There you go, travelling round Yorkshire for free ...another possible past-time, chatting to and annoying the driver.

p.s. you need to find out where all the toilet stops are! ;)

Midsmartin
Lemon Slice
Posts: 777
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 7:18 am
Has thanked: 211 times
Been thanked: 491 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448466

Postby Midsmartin » October 7th, 2021, 9:39 am

I'm self employed, and my retirement day has been creeping up on me by stealth. First I couldn't be bothered to advertise much. Then I realised life would be better if I discouraged my least favourite customers. Suddenly I discover I'm only really working 2-3 days a week.

The only niggle is that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, let alone when I'm retired.

sg31
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 1543
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 11:35 am
Has thanked: 925 times
Been thanked: 708 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448485

Postby sg31 » October 7th, 2021, 10:37 am

Midsmartin wrote:
The only niggle is that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, let alone when I'm retired.


I'm already retired and I get the same feeling. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Maybe the answer is 'alive'.

swill453
Lemon Half
Posts: 7962
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 6:11 pm
Has thanked: 984 times
Been thanked: 3643 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448491

Postby swill453 » October 7th, 2021, 10:57 am

Make sure your visit to the supermarket is between the hours of 12 and 2. Working people love to have the company of pensioners while they're rushing round the shops in their lunch hour.

Scott.

monabri
Lemon Half
Posts: 8396
Joined: January 7th, 2017, 9:56 am
Has thanked: 1539 times
Been thanked: 3428 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448501

Postby monabri » October 7th, 2021, 11:35 am

I was going to suggest a move to Idle as that is still "within country" but that might be a move too far ! :shock:

(You could visit the Idle recreation ground on a daytrip...and do nowt!).

kempiejon
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 3488
Joined: November 5th, 2016, 10:30 am
Has thanked: 1 time
Been thanked: 1145 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448508

Postby kempiejon » October 7th, 2021, 11:50 am

Midsmartin wrote:I'm self employed, and my retirement day has been creeping up on me by stealth. First I couldn't be bothered to advertise much. Then I realised life would be better if I discouraged my least favourite customers. Suddenly I discover I'm only really working 2-3 days a week.


Put your prices up or threaten to so the favourite customers are encouraged to shop around to replace you?
I used to have a side hustle (as I understand part time self employedment is now called) only a handful of customers and only working a few days each month but it was a bit of extra bunce. I decided I valued my free time more and as I already had a full time job taking holiday from my day job or giving up evening and weekends for the extra money seemed less attractive so I just kept putting my prices up. Annoyingly my loyal customers thought I was worth it and I still got a few referals from them. For a bit too long I couldn't turn the money down. I moved that fixed it.

brightncheerful
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2209
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 4:00 pm
Has thanked: 424 times
Been thanked: 799 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448516

Postby brightncheerful » October 7th, 2021, 12:04 pm

I'm self-employed and envisaged continuing working indefinitely. That is until recently when I was contacted by some surveyors wanting me to join forces with them for a new venture. They hold me / my achievements in high esteem so apparently I can have whatever i want. If only I knew. Thinking about it I could end better under the auspices. and it would provide me with succession planning. presupposing I don't outlive them.

As for retirement, i started long ago when i realised that if I combined my life-style with my work i could take time off whenever. In the past time off meant going shopping without being paid to do so; now it means going to the dentist or having a haircut.

I do not have an urge to travel: i have visited most parts of England, some of Wales and Scotland. I've been to Greenland and the Faroe Islands, Hong Kong and St Lucia. Other European countries too. Travel abroad is not what it was.

Most certainly i do not have a desire to do all the things I dreamt of but could not because I've been working.

stevensfo
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 3435
Joined: November 5th, 2016, 8:43 am
Has thanked: 3805 times
Been thanked: 1398 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448526

Postby stevensfo » October 7th, 2021, 12:38 pm

swill453 wrote:Make sure your visit to the supermarket is between the hours of 12 and 2. Working people love to have the company of pensioners while they're rushing round the shops in their lunch hour.

Scott.


Another Top Tip: When doing your big shop at lunchtime, wear trousers and jackets with lots of pockets and randomly distribute your bank cards, loyalty cards and cash among them, preferably with some expired cards to keep people entertained while you methodically check each one.


Steve

Loup321
Lemon Slice
Posts: 287
Joined: November 17th, 2016, 9:52 am
Has thanked: 104 times
Been thanked: 145 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448538

Postby Loup321 » October 7th, 2021, 1:30 pm

Midsmartin wrote:The only niggle is that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, let alone when I'm retired.


I'm going to be a pirate when I grow up. The having adventures type from stories, not the modern ones. Went to see the Cutty Sark in the summer holidays, and the sleeping quarters leave a lot to be desired at my age though :lol: Can't even contemplate camping these days!

UncleEbenezer
The full Lemon
Posts: 10689
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 8:17 pm
Has thanked: 1458 times
Been thanked: 2965 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448560

Postby UncleEbenezer » October 7th, 2021, 2:55 pm

Loup321 wrote:I'm going to be a pirate when I grow up.

Like the famous Cornish pirate who couldn't reach the age of majority before his ninth decade?

richlist
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 1589
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 3:54 pm
Has thanked: 33 times
Been thanked: 477 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#448587

Postby richlist » October 7th, 2021, 5:39 pm

My advice is to retire disgracefully......I can recommend it.

csearle
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 4762
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 2:24 pm
Has thanked: 4809 times
Been thanked: 2083 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#449374

Postby csearle » October 11th, 2021, 7:19 pm

Last year I decided to retire for one day a week, Friday.

As a self-employed electrician this is fairly easy. I just marked all Fridays as booked. Use the time to relax, shop, do silly little jobs that need doing but are basically uneconomic, do things that can only be done during the working week/when the market is open. Might catch up on paperwork, which while still work is miraculous at making the rest of my long weekend more relaxed.

This arrangement is flexible. If I run out of spondulies I can cancel it for a while easily; or if it all goes well then adding Thursdays is not inconceivable. C.

AsleepInYorkshire
Lemon Half
Posts: 7383
Joined: February 7th, 2017, 9:36 pm
Has thanked: 10514 times
Been thanked: 4659 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#449385

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 11th, 2021, 8:03 pm

csearle wrote:Last year I decided to retire for one day a week, Friday.

As a self-employed electrician this is fairly easy. I just marked all Fridays as booked. Use the time to relax, shop, do silly little jobs that need doing but are basically uneconomic, do things that can only be done during the working week/when the market is open. Might catch up on paperwork, which while still work is miraculous at making the rest of my long weekend more relaxed.

This arrangement is flexible. If I run out of spondulies I can cancel it for a while easily; or if it all goes well then adding Thursdays is not inconceivable. C.

Have you thought about the trauma this is causing, not just to me, but all your fellow Fools, who have to work five days a week? On those grounds I have no option other than to report this post - to the Human Rights Council. Be afraid - very afraid :lol:

AiY ;)

Lootman
The full Lemon
Posts: 18674
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 3:58 pm
Has thanked: 628 times
Been thanked: 6559 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#449390

Postby Lootman » October 11th, 2021, 8:27 pm

Here is all you need to know about retirement. The best time of the week suddenly becomes Monday morning when everyone else buggers off. The worst part of the week becomes 5 p.m. on Friday. In other words the reverse of everything you thought whilst working.

And more generally that you can be as cantankerous and ornery as you want and everyone will excuse you on account of you being post-functional.

Beware those who tell you that you have to "do something" in retirement. You do not. The real joy of retirement is doing nothing and not feeling guilty about it.

Oh, and ignore those who ask: "But what do you do with all the time"? My pet answer? "I pass time pleasurably". And I do.

tjh290633
Lemon Half
Posts: 8208
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 11:20 am
Has thanked: 913 times
Been thanked: 4096 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#449402

Postby tjh290633 » October 11th, 2021, 9:04 pm

AsleepInYorkshire wrote:Have you thought about the trauma this is causing, not just to me, but all your fellow Fools, who have to work five days a week? On those grounds I have no option other than to report this post - to the Human Rights Council. Be afraid - very afraid :lol:

AiY ;)

In that case those of us who have retired from paid employment have much cause to fear. Retirement is, of course, a full-time job.

TJH

AsleepInYorkshire
Lemon Half
Posts: 7383
Joined: February 7th, 2017, 9:36 pm
Has thanked: 10514 times
Been thanked: 4659 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#449413

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 11th, 2021, 9:46 pm

tjh290633 wrote:
AsleepInYorkshire wrote:Have you thought about the trauma this is causing, not just to me, but all your fellow Fools, who have to work five days a week? On those grounds I have no option other than to report this post - to the Human Rights Council. Be afraid - very afraid :lol:

AiY ;)

In that case those of us who have retired from paid employment have much cause to fear. Retirement is, of course, a full-time job.

TJH

I may need to revisit my retirement date and push it back some :lol:

AiY

MrFoolish
Lemon Quarter
Posts: 2284
Joined: March 22nd, 2020, 7:27 pm
Has thanked: 553 times
Been thanked: 1115 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#449415

Postby MrFoolish » October 11th, 2021, 10:04 pm

AsleepInYorkshire wrote:I'll watch Star Wars


Remember what happened to Luke after he retired?

AsleepInYorkshire
Lemon Half
Posts: 7383
Joined: February 7th, 2017, 9:36 pm
Has thanked: 10514 times
Been thanked: 4659 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#449420

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 11th, 2021, 10:10 pm

MrFoolish wrote:
AsleepInYorkshire wrote:I'll watch Star Wars


Remember what happened to Luke after he retired?

He went bush, built himself a great mancave and went fishing twice a week. Not only that he had no utility or rates bills, no neighbours and didn't need a TV to watch anything he wanted.

AiY

Midsmartin
Lemon Slice
Posts: 777
Joined: November 4th, 2016, 7:18 am
Has thanked: 211 times
Been thanked: 491 times

Re: The Start of a Retirement Plan

#449427

Postby Midsmartin » October 11th, 2021, 11:09 pm

Lootman wrote:Beware those who tell you that you have to "do something" in retirement. You do not. The real joy of retirement is doing nothing and not feeling guilty about it..


This may be the most useful thing I've read for months. The world is full of tips to make your retirement fulfilling, often by doing unpaid work, and that if you fail in this, you will suffer depression, anxiety and more. I've started worrying that this will be a problem for me, and now I feel more relaxed again! So thanks for that!


Return to “Beerpig's Snug”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 12 guests