I just asked a young lady...

[simsqu]

...to fondle my testicles

A few weeks ago I found a lump under my right nipple. Doc thought it was probably nothing serious but referred me to the hospital just in case.

Yesterday I attended my appointment

Doc (middle aged chap) Hello Mr S, now please take your shirt off and lie down here. Oh by the way, this is Dolores Voluptuosa, a medical student

OK, that wasn’t her name, but she probably could have been called that: she was gorgeous

So I’m lying there, and the doc’s having a good feel around. Poke, poke, prod, grasp, caress…

Doc Hmmm, hmmm, ah yes, hmmmmm, mmyeeessssss, I see, ok, right, well, Dolores, come and have a feel…

…and Dolores shimmies over and tentatively, timidly as first, but with mounting urgency has a good feel of my right breast.

So far so good

Doc OK Mr S, now please just pull down your trousers and pants, I am going to examine your testes

Well, I don’t recall signing up for THIS. I took a furtive look around for the Kinky Medical Students youtube feed, and then meekly obeyed, not really knowing what the hell was going on. Why didn’t I ask?

So there I am, trousers around my knees, in all my resplendent glory, and the Doc goes in. There’s cupping. There’s coquettish caressing, followed by a good probe and a downright sassy POKE. He seems satisfied and withdraws.

And then, in a moment of madness instantly regretted, which I will no doubt revisit in the dark watches of the night for years to come, as my mind pours a sickly pale green watery light onto the dark, hunched, shrouded figure of my shame, I said,

“Hey, Dolores, do you want to have a feel?”

“In your dreams, Mister.”

Ok , she didn’t actually say that, but she might as well have done. She actually just said, “no thank you”

I felt rejected, disappointed, dirty and shameful all at the same time

At which point the Doc clears his throat and says testily, “right, well Mr S you can put all your clothes back on, the examination is finished”

I skulk out, off for a scan. Could I hear the sobs of a young gal through the door that had just been slammed in my face? I think , hope, my imagination was working overtime.

Turned out to be a benign, harmless, fatty lump, not unlike its owner

[CliffEdge]

She will have rightly been told off for not having a feel.

[UncleEbenezer]

I expect part of the training for a young quack (especially a young lady quack) is how to say No to Dirty Old Men.

You've contributed your little bit there.

[simsqu]

I expect part of the training for a young quack (especially a young lady quack) is how to say No to Dirty Old Men.

You've contributed your little bit there.

Indeed.

In my defence, I genuinely wanted to further her medical knowledge, but it didn't come out like that.

Similar to the time of a prostate exam when I got behind the curtain, assumed the position, and then called out to the doctor "readeeeee" in a singsong voice that a Thai ladyboy would have been proud of

[kempiejon]

I expect part of the training for a young quack (especially a young lady quack) is how to say No to Dirty Old Men.

You've contributed your little bit there.

Indeed.

In my defence, I genuinely wanted to further her medical knowledge, but it didn't come out like that.

Similar to the time of a prostate exam when I got behind the curtain, assumed the position, and then called out to the doctor "readeeeee" in a singsong voice that a Thai ladyboy would have been proud of

I was swapping stories with a mate about his annual MOT and he was regaling me with tales of his digital examination, apparently so much lube had been used the Dr had a job wiping him clean properly afterwards probably because he didn't get any kissing first.

[Mike4]

I expect part of the training for a young quack (especially a young lady quack) is how to say No to Dirty Old Men.

You've contributed your little bit there.

Indeed.

In my defence, I genuinely wanted to further her medical knowledge, but it didn't come out like that.

Similar to the time of a prostate exam when I got behind the curtain, assumed the position, and then called out to the doctor "readeeeee" in a singsong voice that a Thai ladyboy would have been proud of

Reminds me of when I had to have a prostate examination. GP said "You realise this is a digital examination?", to which I wisecracked "Oh excellent, you do it with a computer now instead of a finger up the bum?"

Not even a shadow of a smile....

[servodude]

I expect part of the training for a young quack (especially a young lady quack) is how to say No to Dirty Old Men.

You've contributed your little bit there.

Indeed.

In my defence, I genuinely wanted to further her medical knowledge, but it didn't come out like that.

Similar to the time of a prostate exam when I got behind the curtain, assumed the position, and then called out to the doctor "readeeeee" in a singsong voice that a Thai ladyboy would have been proud of

As long as you weren't replied to with "there's your tea and biscuits doctor"

I was once in a similar position waiting to receive a steroid injection for hayfever; it was a dose for a 6mth trip to be delivered under the fat of a buttock
The nurse doing the honours was a family friend (as well as being the district nurse that had seen to me and all my brothers when we were babies).
Anyways just before she delivers the jab she decides to distract me..
"Here look at this" she says...
...and leans over my right shoulder from behind to let me have a look at the needle..
Now bearing in mind some buttocks are more buttocky than others this needle looked like it was going to deliver the dose in my tonsils.
But before I could scream and pass out she'd whipped it back and it was in
- I barely felt it in puncture the bun in my immediate panic
- but by all things holy could I feel it come out!!

I was offered a steroid injection for hayfever this year for the first time since; the blood must have drained from me, as the doc, looking puzzled, said he didn't remember me having a problem with needles. I had to explain that this one had been special; apparently you can have it in the arm these days

-sd

[Lootman]

I was once in a similar position waiting to receive a steroid injection for hayfever; it was a dose for a 6mth trip to be delivered under the fat of a buttock.

The nurse doing the honours was a family friend (as well as being the district nurse that had seen to me and all my brothers when we were babies).
Anyways just before she delivers the jab she decides to distract me..
"Here look at this" she says...

Having my tonsils out at age 9 evidently required a needle in the bum as well.

To distract me, the nurse invited me to get onto the bed onto my hands and knees and pretend to be a train. This sounded like fun so I assumed the position and started making choo choo sounds, whereupon Ms. Chucky stuck me in the backside.

I am not falling for that again.

[servodude]

I was once in a similar position waiting to receive a steroid injection for hayfever; it was a dose for a 6mth trip to be delivered under the fat of a buttock.

The nurse doing the honours was a family friend (as well as being the district nurse that had seen to me and all my brothers when we were babies).
Anyways just before she delivers the jab she decides to distract me..
"Here look at this" she says...

Having my tonsils out at age 9 evidently required a needle in the bum as well.

To distract me, the nurse invited me to get onto the bed onto my hands and knees and pretend to be a train. This sounded like fun so I assumed the position and started making choo choo sounds, whereupon Ms. Chucky stuck me in the backside.

I am not falling for that again.

Crikey!
That sounds like it's one rung away from a bin bag and an orange
Were you having your tonsils removed at the conservative club?
(My dad's were removed in the family kitchen)

-sd

[Lootman]

I was once in a similar position waiting to receive a steroid injection for hayfever; it was a dose for a 6mth trip to be delivered under the fat of a buttock.

The nurse doing the honours was a family friend (as well as being the district nurse that had seen to me and all my brothers when we were babies).
Anyways just before she delivers the jab she decides to distract me..
"Here look at this" she says...

Having my tonsils out at age 9 evidently required a needle in the bum as well.

To distract me, the nurse invited me to get onto the bed onto my hands and knees and pretend to be a train. This sounded like fun so I assumed the position and started making choo choo sounds, whereupon Ms. Chucky stuck me in the backside.

I am not falling for that again.

Crikey!
That sounds like it's one rung away from a bin bag and an orange

Were you having your tonsils removed at the conservative club?
(My dad's were removed in the family kitchen)

They were removed in a nissan hut which had served as an emergency hospital during WW2 and then was never decommissioned afterwards. This was in the 1960s.

The nitrous oxide for the extraction was fun though.

[XFool]

I never had my tonsils out. (Is this still a 'thing' ?)

I am far from convinced it was ever a genuine or necessary medical procedure, rather than a coming of age ritual. The sort of thing parents do because it's what parents do: rather as the upper middle classes send their children to boarding school, because it's what upper middle class parents do.

[bungeejumper]

Well, I nearly had my tonsils punched out by a young lady for whom I'd politely opened a door in Selfridges. Apparently I was a condescending, smug, patriarchal vestige of the old social order, and if she wanted to go through a door she didn't damn well want a man (hawk, spit) opening it for her.

Never mind, my doctor's surgery used to have a nurse who cheerfully told me that pushing her fingers up men's bottoms was one of her biggest joys in life. I don't know whether I felt reassured or intimidated.

BJ

[genou]

Never mind, my doctor's surgery used to have a nurse who cheerfully told me that pushing her fingers up men's bottoms was one of her biggest joys in life. I don't know whether I felt reassured or intimidated.

BJ

I think she could have made more money in non-medical contexts.

[AleisterCrowley]

I never had my tonsils out. (Is this still a 'thing' ?)

I am far from convinced it was ever a genuine or necessary medical procedure, rather than a coming of age ritual. The sort of thing parents do because it's what parents do: rather as the upper middle classes send their children to boarding school, because it's what upper middle class parents do.

Well I had mine out in the early 90s (aged about 27) after repeated courses of antibiotics and finally a ENT specialist consultation.
('Hmm... whip em out')
The op wasn't too bad, but one side started bleeding again a week later so I ended up back in hospital. No fun at all, coughing up blood etc

I've had pain in the ...lower areas... recently so ended up seeing the 'nurse practitioner '(?) when I was back home in July. Was expecting a course of antibiotics but got the chat then 'sit down over there, take off your trousers and pants and I'll have a look '
Got the full yank, squeeze , prod , tut tut, then doctor on the phone to nurse and walked out with 28 days of Trimethoprim - which hasn't really helped.
I must go back to local GP , but I'm frankly cacking myself in case I'm on the way out. She did suggest a PSA test but warned they are a bit 'nuanced'... which I think means only marginally better than useless.

Oh well, that's age I guess.

[tjh290633]

They were removed in a nissan hut which had served as an emergency hospital during WW2 and then was never decommissioned afterwards. This was in the 1960s.

The nitrous oxide for the extraction was fun though.

Sounds rather like Cuckfield Hospital, of blessed memory.

TJH

[scrumpyjack]

The moment I really felt old was when a young lady got up and offered me her seat on the London Underground.

By the way were you all brought up in France? It is they that do everything via suppository!

[Mike4]

Well, I nearly had my tonsils punched out by a young lady for whom I'd politely opened a door in Selfridges. Apparently I was a condescending, smug, patriarchal vestige of the old social order, and if she wanted to go through a door she didn't damn well want a man (hawk, spit) opening it for her.

OMG I had a near identical experience in Heelas in Reading. I held a door open for a woman of about my age and got the "hair dryer treatment" lecturing me along exactly the same lines as you, i.e. she didn't need a man to hold a door open for her, did she look like she couldn't open a door for herself? Etc etc. Alex Ferguson must have learned the technique from her.

Such a shame some people are SO angry with the world.

[Watis]

Well, I nearly had my tonsils punched out by a young lady for whom I'd politely opened a door in Selfridges. Apparently I was a condescending, smug, patriarchal vestige of the old social order, and if she wanted to go through a door she didn't damn well want a man (hawk, spit) opening it for her.

OMG I had a near identical experience in Heelas in Reading. I held a door open for a woman of about my age and got the "hair dryer treatment" lecturing me along exactly the same lines as you, i.e. she didn't need a man to hold a door open for her, did she look like she couldn't open a door for herself? Etc etc. Alex Ferguson must have learned the technique from her.

Such a shame some people are SO angry with the world.

My response, should this happen to me, will be along the lines of: "I hold the door open for everyone; it's the polite thing to do".

Watis

[XFool]

The moment I really felt old was when a young lady got up and offered me her seat on the London Underground.

Snap!

What did you do? I declined and remained standing.

[Dod101]

All of this is a bit old hat. The first story is just silly if indeed it is true. The poster deserved all he got (or not as the case may be)

Why on earth do we put up with this sort of rubbish?

Dod