I just asked a young lady...

[UncleEbenezer]

The moment I really felt old was when a young lady got up and offered me her seat on the London Underground.

Snap!

What did you do? I declined and remained standing.

"Are you going to sit in my lap?"

I recollect long ago, someone on t'wireless arguing that chaps should give up a seat not only for the old or infirm, but also for young ladies. The rationale: she might be in the early stages of pregnancy. Erm .. right. Well, if she's a decent person she'll decline unless, against all the odds, she really needs it . And if she guesses the reason, she'll likely be offended. And if everyone is a perfect logician, the offer becomes equivalent to asking her if she's pregnant.

Hmm, also once heard an anecdote from a young lady who got offered a seat. Confusion all round, until she and her boyfriend realised someone had taken the bum-bag she was wearing under her jumper as a baby-bump. Happily everyone involved then saw the funny side.

And of course a person of any age and either sex might have a medical condition that makes it a problem to stand.

[stevensfo]

The moment I really felt old was when a young lady got up and offered me her seat on the London Underground.

By the way were you all brought up in France? It is they that do everything via suppository!

Actually, having both our sons born while I was working in France, I can say that suppositories were absolute lifesavers! Inserting a small suppository was far easier than trying to get a spoon of calpol or other medicine down a crying baby's throat, with all the associated pleasures of the stuff being brought back up again.

I honestly thought it quite bizarre that they weren't used more in the UK.

Steve

[Mike4]

All of this is a bit old hat. The first story is just silly if indeed it is true. The poster deserved all he got (or not as the case may be)

Why on earth do we put up with this sort of rubbish?

Dod

Because we are in the snug?

Here's a pint of Scruttock's Old Dirigible... get it down you and you'll probably feel loads better!

[scrumpyjack]

The moment I really felt old was when a young lady got up and offered me her seat on the London Underground.

Snap!

What did you do? I declined and remained standing.

I thanked her but said I was getting off at the next stop.

[csearle]

Reminds me of when I had to have a prostate examination. GP said "You realise this is a digital examination?", to which I wisecracked "[i]Oh excellent, you do it with a computer now instead of a finger up the bum?"

Was trying to work "an' a log" into some witty response, but found wasn't witty enough to do it. C.

[TUK020]

Reminds me of when I had to have a prostate examination. GP said "You realise this is a digital examination?", to which I wisecracked "[i]Oh excellent, you do it with a computer now instead of a finger up the bum?"

Was trying to work "an' a log" into some witty response, but found wasn't witty enough to do it. C.

Doctor could have responded "we can do it via Zoom, if you would lend me your phone"

[bungeejumper]

Doctor could have responded "we can do it via Zoom, if you would lend me your phone"

The hospital doctors who perform colonoscopies have heard just about every wisecrack (hey, geddit?) over the years, but they still manage to laugh politely. Don't ask me how I know, I've had a fair few. Hopefully finished now.

But the all-time best line still has to be: "Careful with that thing, doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before."

BJ

[servodude]

Doctor could have responded "we can do it via Zoom, if you would lend me your phone"

The hospital doctors who perform colonoscopies have heard just about every wisecrack (hey, geddit?) over the years, but they still manage to laugh politely. Don't ask me how I know, I've had a fair few. Hopefully finished now.

But the all-time best line still has to be: "Careful with that thing, doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before."

BJ

"Don't rush me! I need to check Uranus for Klingons first"

[TUK020]

Doctor could have responded "we can do it via Zoom, if you would lend me your phone"

The hospital doctors who perform colonoscopies have heard just about every wisecrack (hey, geddit?) over the years, but they still manage to laugh politely. Don't ask me how I know, I've had a fair few. Hopefully finished now.

But the all-time best line still has to be: "Careful with that thing, doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before."

BJ

Watching the monitor, "This is [expletive deleted], what's on the other channel?"

[SimonS]

Doctor could have responded "we can do it via Zoom, if you would lend me your phone"

The hospital doctors who perform colonoscopies have heard just about every wisecrack (hey, geddit?) over the years, but they still manage to laugh politely. Don't ask me how I know, I've had a fair few. Hopefully finished now.

But the all-time best line still has to be: "Careful with that thing, doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before."

BJ

I informed the doctor that I had a reaction to anaesthetics, coupled with bradycardia. They showed me the monitor and told me I could watch my colon on that, then gave me the muscle relaxant. I was out cold in about 5 seconds, and woke up three hours later in the recovery ward still with a pulse rate in the low forties and blood pressure well below 100. the recovery nurse said that it was, for her, a first; a colonoscopy that had cleaned out the doctors as well as the patient.

[Sorcery]

Doctor could have responded "we can do it via Zoom, if you would lend me your phone"

The hospital doctors who perform colonoscopies have heard just about every wisecrack (hey, geddit?) over the years, but they still manage to laugh politely. Don't ask me how I know, I've had a fair few. Hopefully finished now.

But the all-time best line still has to be: "Careful with that thing, doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before."

BJ

I informed the doctor that I had a reaction to anaesthetics, coupled with bradycardia. They showed me the monitor and told me I could watch my colon on that, then gave me the muscle relaxant. I was out cold in about 5 seconds, and woke up three hours later in the recovery ward still with a pulse rate in the low forties and blood pressure well below 100. the recovery nurse said that it was, for her, a first; a colonoscopy that had cleaned out the doctors as well as the patient.

What do you think might be for her (a female nurse) a first. Can you go back, ask her out for dinner and get her to explain it?

[SimonS]

The hospital doctors who perform colonoscopies have heard just about every wisecrack (hey, geddit?) over the years, but they still manage to laugh politely. Don't ask me how I know, I've had a fair few. Hopefully finished now.

But the all-time best line still has to be: "Careful with that thing, doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before."

BJ

I informed the doctor that I had a reaction to anaesthetics, coupled with bradycardia. They showed me the monitor and told me I could watch my colon on that, then gave me the muscle relaxant. I was out cold in about 5 seconds, and woke up three hours later in the recovery ward still with a pulse rate in the low forties and blood pressure well below 100. the recovery nurse said that it was, for her, a first; a colonoscopy that had cleaned out the doctors as well as the patient.

What do you think might be for her (a female nurse) a first. Can you go back, ask her out for dinner and get her to explain it?

I gave that (asking nurses on dates) up after surgery in Haslar. There was an attractive theatre sister who was hardened to the fact that many of the patients awoke from the anaesthetic, that first fleeting resurfacing and asked her out to dinner.All were trumped by a Royal Marine who woke in the middle of the operation, stared round and locked his arms round the sister with a grip so determined that they either left her in his arms or broke his fingers to release her. On waking he asked her to marry him as the price of release. They still are.

[csearle]

I awoke after surgery once, opened my eyes to see a nurse bent over me. I recall simply saying "you are so beautiful" to her. She thanked me. I meant it too but it's not something I would normally be comfortable saying to a stranger (unfortunately).

Didn't realise this was a known thing.

Chris