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Just chatting

A friendly ear
AsleepInYorkshire
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Just chatting

#440776

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » September 8th, 2021, 8:40 pm

Twenty one years ago I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. The diagnosis arrived 21 years after I began complaining about my symptoms to the NHS.

Sixteen years after that diagnosis I was diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea (OSA). Since then I have been dealing with other health issues which were "cloaked" by the OSA.

Last week we were fortunate enough to go on holiday to Tenerife.

We returned from holiday to find

  1. Whilst on holiday me and my daughter managed to get colds. I even went so far as to get a chest infection
  2. Our two dogs had caught kennel cough in the kennels we'd put them in
  3. The decorator doing our lounge and dining room had contracted C19 and couldn't complete the job for our return
  4. My Mother in Laws heart operation had been brought forward by a day
  5. My Mum was in Acute Assessment (and it's probable her cancer has spread to her brain)
21 years ago I asked TMF to open Comfort Cafe. It was a place, not just for me, to go when things weren't quite going too well.

21 years later I have come to post here once again. Not because I cannot deal with the above news. But because I can.

Tomorrow morning, first thing, I am taking a small bunch of flowers to my cousin's boss. When Mum wasn't well on Monday and we were in Tenerife he (my cousins boss) allowed my cousin to take a day off work to take Mum to hospital and sort everything out. I'm not always a kind person. I try. There are those, like my cousins boss, who are kind though.

Tomorrow morning I will wake and put my feet down on the grey carpet ready to head for a shower. I will look down at those two feet and accept that's as good as it gets. Everything else is just noise or kindness.

Being able to cope with the noise is a significant bonus in my life.

Be kind or at least try please - who knows, every once in a while someone you don't know will do something kind for you too.

Take care

AiY

dealtn
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Re: Just chatting

#440788

Postby dealtn » September 8th, 2021, 9:13 pm

Duly rec'd, and thank you for letting me "listen".

Fluke
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Re: Just chatting

#440821

Postby Fluke » September 8th, 2021, 11:30 pm

I signed up this week for a course in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction or MBSR, it's supposed to help you change how you deal with stress and anxiety when it rears its head as it inevitably will from time to time, and as it did with you this week. Avoiding stress and anxiety is futile, but learning how to deal with it calmly and rationally so that it doesn't cause a melt-down, is a skill worth having.

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Re: Just chatting

#440836

Postby servodude » September 9th, 2021, 3:18 am

AsleepInYorkshire wrote:21 years ago I asked TMF to open Comfort Cafe.


Thanks for that!

I think it's worked really well since; one day we might find your blue plaque one the wall (over there >>> might work?)

There thankfully appears to be a lot more awareness of the benefit/need of this kind of space these days (incidentally today is RUOK day https://www.ruok.org.au/ down this way - which is great example)
- but 21 years ago you would must have been a bit of a trailblazer

Stay well
- sd

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Re: Just chatting

#441908

Postby Clariman » September 13th, 2021, 3:22 pm

Sorry to hear about your current difficulties but delighted to hear of the way you are now able to handle them. And thanks for recommending the creation of Comfort Cafe on TMF. It was one of the aspects of the site that drew me in. I remember reading someone suffering from, IIRC, the late stages of cancer and to witness how they were getting support and comfort from complete strangers on the Internet. Of course, they weren't necessarily 'complete strangers' but people who had only 'met' or communicated online.

I am glad that we also brought it here and that it is still being useful.

Clariman

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: Just chatting

#441912

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » September 13th, 2021, 3:39 pm

Clariman wrote:Sorry to hear about your current difficulties but delighted to hear of the way you are now able to handle them. And thanks for recommending the creation of Comfort Cafe on TMF. It was one of the aspects of the site that drew me in. I remember reading someone suffering from, IIRC, the late stages of cancer and to witness how they were getting support and comfort from complete strangers on the Internet. Of course, they weren't necessarily 'complete strangers' but people who had only 'met' or communicated online.

I am glad that we also brought it here and that it is still being useful.

Clariman

It's a much smaller community here and CC doesn't get used too much, which in part is a good thing. But as someone has also mentioned there's now a wider knowledge and acceptance of mental health problems.

It's still very a much a postcode lottery for treatment though and that saddens me greatly.

If the government can slap 1.25% tax to create a social care fund/buffer then I they could do similar for mental health in my opinion. If 1.25% raises £12BN then a meagre 0.125 would raise over a billion straight to mental health and it's needed.

Thank you for bringing CC with you ... a tribute to it's success and the kindness people can provide when needed.

AiY

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Re: Just chatting

#443437

Postby Sunnypad » September 18th, 2021, 11:12 pm

Hello AiY

How have the last few days been?

I've only just seen this. I am sorry for your troubles. Impressed that you are learning to block out the noise etc.

Comfort Cafe is such a great place, I didn't know it was your great idea. Thank you.

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: Just chatting

#443464

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » September 18th, 2021, 11:56 pm

Sunnypad wrote:Hello AiY

How have the last few days been?

I've only just seen this. I am sorry for your troubles. Impressed that you are learning to block out the noise etc.

Comfort Cafe is such a great place, I didn't know it was your great idea. Thank you.

Hi Sunnypad,

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. Comfort Cafe isn't just my idea. It's real. It's a place to come where no one judges you. It's a secure environment. Safe. A home where those in difficulties can venture into with no fear. It's tranquil and serene.

Yesterday I was told that my 80 year old Mum has weeks to live. I was hoping for a little more. But mother nature isn't going to oblige me. We are born and ultimately we will die. The bit in the middle is a muddle for many of us. I'm not sad though. I will miss Mum. Of course I will. But for now it's not about me. It's about Mum. And that's the underlying spirit of Comfort Cafe. A place to put others before yourself. Why? Because it's the right thing to do. Because it warms every fibre, every limb, every waking moment.

A place to feel comfortable, always.

AiY

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Re: Just chatting

#443468

Postby Spet0789 » September 19th, 2021, 12:20 am

I am sorry to hear that. I lost my mother when she was in her early 50s. I have recently passed a sad milestone in that I have lived longer without her than with her.

Time certainly heals. The scars remain but you will remember the happy times.

Sunnypad
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Re: Just chatting

#443507

Postby Sunnypad » September 19th, 2021, 10:10 am

Sorry to hear that AiY

Is your mum able to listen? Well actually, I had good advice from the local vicar, who has spent a lot of time with hospice patients. He said, even if think your dad can't hear you, talk to him like it's a normal day.

He came to and engaged, from semi consciousness, when I was telling him about a new bank account with half decent interest!
This also made us both laugh!

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Re: Just chatting

#443657

Postby csearle » September 19th, 2021, 7:09 pm

Blimey, just read this, you hang on in there old bean! Let's have that VC when I've got my head in a better place. :)

All the best,
Chris

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Re: Just chatting

#444587

Postby Sunnypad » September 22nd, 2021, 11:13 pm

How are you, AiY?

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: Just chatting

#444593

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » September 22nd, 2021, 11:58 pm

Sunnypad wrote:How are you, AiY?

Sorry Sunnypad I missed this.

It's very kind of you to ask. Very thoughtful and I'm genuinely grateful.

We managed to get Mum home from hospital last night. Understandably she wanted to come home. And as her oldest and [geographically] nearest child I arranged that for her. Mum knows she's come home to die. Currently the prognosis is 3-12 weeks. She's been referred to Sheffield Oncology as they have a speciality treatment not available locally. If they accept they can help and the treatment is successful the prognosis changes to 6-9 months.

However, that doesn't answer your kind question. I'm coping as well as could be expected thank you. I have the support of two very loving and caring people, my good lady and my daughter. And I also have the support of my Mum too. She's helping us in our journey. And I'm grateful.

I have mixed emotions currently, ranging from helplessness, sadness and numbness to stoicism, loyalty and of course love.

AiY

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Re: Just chatting

#444657

Postby Sunnypad » September 23rd, 2021, 10:36 am

Glad you have support AiY. Best wishes to you all.


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