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Random chat on Monday

A friendly ear
Sunnypad
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Random chat on Monday

#449258

Postby Sunnypad » October 11th, 2021, 12:00 pm

On the wild off chance that anyone wants this

Or is bored at work more likely :lol:

I am hoping to move next year and have various jobs to do around the flat so I can put it on the market.

But I sometimes think I am getting signs that I shouldn't move...it's partly anxiety and partly laziness though. The area is now terrible.

There's a plumber coming this week for some issues in the kitchen...I need to book an electrician but in fairness I have been putting that off for a while.

This morning, I went to open the curtains in the lounge and the rail fell down.

Is the universe trying to tell me something?! Fancy having to fork out all this and then move. Never mind all the other stuff that needs doing.

Hope others had a better start to the week!

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: Random chat on Monday

#449269

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 11th, 2021, 12:49 pm

Sunnypad wrote:On the wild off chance that anyone wants this

Or is bored at work more likely :lol:

I am hoping to move next year and have various jobs to do around the flat so I can put it on the market.

But I sometimes think I am getting signs that I shouldn't move...it's partly anxiety and partly laziness though. The area is now terrible.

There's a plumber coming this week for some issues in the kitchen...I need to book an electharician but in fairness I have been putting that off for a while.

This morning, I went to open the curtains in the lounge and the rail fell down.

Is the universe trying to tell me something?! Fancy having to fork out all this and then move. Never mind all the other stuff that needs doing.

Hope others had a better start to the week!

I think my Monday mornings start on Sunday evening when I start thinking about what awaits me at work. And in fairness the only person who can help me with that behaviour is me :lol:

If your flats feels like home, but needs some minor jobs doing then you should consider staying there. But if the area you live in doesn't feel "friendly" then that's not good. I wonder if the cost of our homes is connected, in part at least, to the area it's in.

As you know I've had long term health issues and my income has been, shall we say, inconsistent. And our home reflects this. We're working our way through it all, but have a mountain to climb.

However, I'm at peace with that. I'm holding work down, the money is flowing back in and we are planning potential retirement. It's taken me 7 years to get here though and it's been exhausting.

There's always a job to do in any home. Always something going wrong. If it's not the dishwasher it's a carpet. We have a carpet in the hallway landing and stairs that's 26 years old. It will be replaced within the next 4 months. That's what I call patience. We've had to prioritise and make do and mend. We have a utility room that is completely unusable as there was a leak and the floor was damaged. I will get round to fixing it next year. In the meantime not only do I not have the time (or the inclination) I have tennis elbow and I can't lift anything with my left arm :(

We're still here and we're still fighting. We've got some plans and we will try and make them happen.

No matter how small the progress it is actually just that. It's progress.

You've booked a plumber - progress ;) It doesn't get any better than that really.

Keep going and in your own time arrange for other jobs to get done. I've been working on our home for 7 years and am half way through. Progress :)

Sometimes there's not enough money. Sometimes I have to wait for tradesmen. Sometimes I don't have time. Sometimes I can't use my tools due to injury.

But sometimes all of the above don't get in the way and we make progress. My daughter has a beautiful lounge of her own. It really is gorgeous. She has a wooden desk and oak filing cabinets at one end where she can do homework. She has two fish tanks at the other end for a little hobby that we share with her. And in the middle is a sofa and TV where she can watch her own programmes or have her own space and have friends around. That was my priority. To get my daughter a part of the home where she wasn't looking at the other areas that are "run down". Her bedroom was finished earlier this year and that too is really stunning. Her bathroom is in need of a complete refurbishment, but she never grumbles. She uses our shower in our ensuite as hers leaks. We have just about finished the lounge and dining room and the results are very satisfying. Our bedroom was finished earlier this year too. But the kitchen is a wreck and the back garden a civil engineering work in progress.

We've 2 years to complete the house. Which will require patience, time and money. But somehow, in the same way as we managed to get here we will make progress.

Always lovely to talk with you :)

AiY

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#449286

Postby Sunnypad » October 11th, 2021, 1:33 pm

AiY, that sounds lovely, all the stuff you've done. If you don't mind the question, why two years?

Sunday night dread is very common, I think.

I've been lucky here that not much has happened to need fixing. It just all decided to come along as I decided to get the flat ready to move.

The area is just awful now. It's sad because the building is great.

With my health and inconsistent income, it's possible that I'll move somewhere the same size or smaller, which is a great shame but the prices are reflected in the area going down.

I admit it's possible I'll opt to stay but that would partly be laziness. As usual, the mum problem is a factor. I don't want to end up doing the trip twice a week as she gets older.

But also, it's a lovely sunny day and I don't fancy a 30 min lunchtime walk because the area is so horrible. It's less of a factor in winter but a very sad thing in nice weather when I could get a brisk walk before darkness falls but don't because it's grim here.

Neighbours are lovely...but I have lived in several different places and have been lucky with neighbours so maybe I'll be lucky again!

I figure by the time I've got all the jobs done, I'll be clearer about wanting to move or not....! If we didn't have such an insane house buying system, it would certainly be less of an issue.

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#449352

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 11th, 2021, 5:51 pm

Sunnypad wrote:AiY, that sounds lovely, all the stuff you've done. If you don't mind the question, why two years?

Of course I don't. Partly it's down to cost. I am extremely fortunate to have skills that the market demands and I get paid reasonably well. But we are trying to put money into pensions and tidy up the house and perhaps have a little bit of family time too. So our finances are pointing in lots of different directions. A new kitchen won't be cheap so we've left that whilst the end. We've had two new puppies over the last three years and the second has chewed her way through much of the existing kitchen, so we want to be sure she wouldn't chew new units. Recent events with my Mum have galvanised my thoughts about retirement a little more and I've decided I would like, if at all possible to retire when I'm 64 which is about 4 1/2 years away. My good lady will be 59. So we do need to raise the amount invested in pension pots to bring that about. I'm tired too. There needs to be some time for me now.
Sunnypad wrote:Sunday night dread is very common, I think.

I used to get it as a child :(
Sunnypad wrote:I've been lucky here that not much has happened to need fixing. It just all decided to come along as I decided to get the flat ready to move.

Buses :lol: . Always arrive in three's after a four hour wait :roll:
Sunnypad wrote:The area is just awful now. It's sad because the building is great.

That is sad, yes.
Sunnypad wrote:With my health and inconsistent income, it's possible that I'll move somewhere the same size or smaller, which is a great shame but the prices are reflected in the area going down.

I understand the inconsistency issues all too well and I know, like me, you have to factor that into your plans for your future.
Sunnypad wrote:I admit it's possible I'll opt to stay but that would partly be laziness. As usual, the mum problem is a factor. I don't want to end up doing the trip twice a week as she gets older.

Understandable :)
Sunnypad wrote:But also, it's a lovely sunny day and I don't fancy a 30 min lunchtime walk because the area is so horrible. It's less of a factor in winter but a very sad thing in nice weather when I could get a brisk walk before darkness falls but don't because it's grim here.

That's sad again. I'm sorry to hear that your local area has gone that way.
Sunnypad wrote:Neighbours are lovely...but I have lived in several different places and have been lucky with neighbours so maybe I'll be lucky again!

Yes. Good neighbours do make a difference to the quality of your life.
Sunnypad wrote:I figure by the time I've got all the jobs done, I'll be clearer about wanting to move or not....! If we didn't have such an insane house buying system, it would certainly be less of an issue.

There's plenty of time for you to mull over options and decide what you feel is best for you.

I do have one piece of advice I'd like to offer if I may though please. When the sun is shining make sure you go for a walk and do please buy a lottery ticket :D

Look after yourself, take it easy and count all the good things in your life :)

And we can both say we have now survived another Monday so where's our medals :lol:

AiY

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#449370

Postby Sunnypad » October 11th, 2021, 7:02 pm

AiY, yes, I get the whole "finance allocation" thing.

I think retirement is a brilliant idea and my own plan is to do it much earlier. I only have myself to consider so as long as I give up the dream of house and garden...

I don't feel as if I have a lot of time because I'd like to have moved by summer. Chains can take sooo long.

You are right, we survived Monday. The ever changing moods can be an issue as you know...yesterday I was in a great mood and got lots done and today, when the day began with the curtain rail falling down, it wasn't the best start...

I'm partly on here as I am still getting used to the rather empty social landscape that I have at present, so thank you for chatting with me. Some days are fine bit there is still a gap left by vanished friends and chat helps a boring work day go so much quicker. It's still a bit odd that people who use to chat via text or email for chunks of the day are just gone.

oddly, I bought a lottery ticket last week. I did do some yoga after doing my duty call to mum but it definitely wasn't a day to absorb the er, delights of the local park or anywhere else really.

Thanks again and have a lovely night, you and all Fools.

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#449388

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 11th, 2021, 8:19 pm

Sunnypad wrote:AiY, yes, I get the whole "finance allocation" thing.

I think retirement is a brilliant idea and my own plan is to do it much earlier. I only have myself to consider so as long as I give up the dream of house and garden...

My plan is flexible. It has to be as I am reliant upon staying in work for the next five years and some reasonable growth in my pension pot. I'm aware I may have to work a little longer to achieve retirement. Whilst that fills me with dread I also keep reassuring myself that I have to stay positive. Not just for me but for my good lady and my daughter.
Sunnypad wrote:I don't feel as if I have a lot of time because I'd like to have moved by summer. Chains can take sooo long.
Yes they can. It's a very stressful process. Prepare yourself. Perhaps buy a punch bag and hit it hard to ease some of the stresses house moving can bring :)
Sunnypad wrote:You are right, we survived Monday. The ever changing moods can be an issue as you know...yesterday I was in a great mood and got lots done and today, when the day began with the curtain rail falling down, it wasn't the best start...

It's difficult I know. Coping strategies don't always work. But, if you look back over your life to date what you will see is that in some way you have coped. You've managed to get through. And that's a strength you can rely upon as you move forward.
Sunnypad wrote:I'm partly on here as I am still getting used to the rather empty social landscape that I have at present, so thank you for chatting with me. Some days are fine bit there is still a gap left by vanished friends and chat helps a boring work day go so much quicker. It's still a bit odd that people who use to chat via text or email for chunks of the day are just gone.

I am the epitome of "Billy No Mates". My illness completely reduced my social network to nothing. I'm working on that slowly and working hard to reverse that. It's been difficult. I understand the meaning of lonely. Been there, seen that, done it and got the t-shirt. Do what you can, when you can and with time you'll find new friends and social activities that interest you.
Sunnypad wrote:Oddly, I bought a lottery ticket last week. I did do some yoga after doing my duty call to mum but it definitely wasn't a day to absorb the er, delights of the local park or anywhere else really.

Next time buy two please - one for me :lol:
Sunnypad wrote:Thanks again and have a lovely night, you and all Fools.

You too

AiY

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#449938

Postby Sunnypad » October 13th, 2021, 8:11 pm

AiY
And anyone else who fancies a chat - hello!

Hope your week is going well

No room for a punchbag, sadly.

In many ways, I am extremely lucky and I have to keep remembering that. If I buy us a lottery ticket each, how do I decide whose is whose? :lol:

I'm sorry your friends didn't stick by you. If by illness you mean depression, I never discussed that much. I am still a bit stunned to have become Billy no mates so quickly due to random circumstances. I must admit, I'd always imagined people who are married to feel this less.

I am starting to see the advantages of having fewer people around. It might be perimenopause, it might be dealing with mum, but my irritability is very very high. Mum has been on the phone fretting about sorting an anniversary gift last minute (which irritated me, nit her fault). I like having people who can pop by for tea and cake, but I've never enjoyed the kind of friendships that warrant a lot of going out and sorting gifts and going to weddings and christenings etc.

I watched Joker last night. As well as being completely brilliant, it made me feel better in a lot of ways, as "dark" films often do. I put that in inverted commas because we all find different things dark. I didn't find this dark. I really laughed when he laughed at his therapist asking "do you have negative thoughts". I don't know the franchise but it's a brilliant film. Joaquin Phoenix is extraordinary.

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#449995

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 14th, 2021, 12:15 am

Sunnypad wrote:AiY
And anyone else who fancies a chat - hello!

I'm a Yorkshireman. We can chat for England :lol:
Sunnypad wrote:Hope your week is going well

Thank you. Mum's back in hospital after a fall on Monday. We're coping. We stay positive as it helps.
Sunnypad wrote:No room for a punchbag, sadly.

What about a smash 'em up video game :lol:
Sunnypad wrote:In many ways, I am extremely lucky and I have to keep remembering that. If I buy us a lottery ticket each, how do I decide whose is whose? :lol:

That's so easy. The winning one is mine
Sunnypad wrote:I'm sorry your friends didn't stick by you. If by illness you mean depression, I never discussed that much. I am still a bit stunned to have become Billy no mates so quickly due to random circumstances. I must admit, I'd always imagined people who are married to feel this less.

There's some science behind it, but I won't bore you too much. My depression was a symptom of a lack of sleep. And so was the aggression, the personality changes and behavioural problems. When we see a two year old crying and irritable we all seem to know s/he needs sleep. When we see a twenty year old man behaving the same way we chastise him and exclude him.
Sunnypad wrote:I am starting to see the advantages of having fewer people around. It might be perimenopause, it might be dealing with mum, but my irritability is very very high. Mum has been on the phone fretting about sorting an anniversary gift last minute (which irritated me, nit her fault). I like having people who can pop by for tea and cake, but I've never enjoyed the kind of friendships that warrant a lot of going out and sorting gifts and going to weddings and christenings etc.

I'm not an expert in perimenopause. But my good lady was more than irritable due to it. It was a difficult time for both of us. I was in no fit state to support her as I had my own health issues which completely removed me from society. If I may offer some advice, please do monitor your "symptoms". Until I witnessed my good lady's "irritability" I would never have understood how debilitating perimenopause can be. I've no wish to offend or patronise. I saw someone who was passive and caring, loving and serene turn into the complete opposite. She's had some super support from her GP and is now her former self.
Sunnypad wrote:I watched Joker last night. As well as being completely brilliant, it made me feel better in a lot of ways, as "dark" films often do. I put that in inverted commas because we all find different things dark. I didn't find this dark. I really laughed when he laughed at his therapist asking "do you have negative thoughts". I don't know the franchise but it's a brilliant film. Joaquin Phoenix is extraordinary.

I tell lots of Dad jokes. They always get a smirk and a please stop comment. But whenever I fall down the stairs my good lady and daughter cry with laughter :lol:

AiY

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#450111

Postby didds » October 14th, 2021, 1:56 pm

AsleepInYorkshire wrote:There's some science behind it, but I won't bore you too much. My depression was a symptom of a lack of sleep. And so was the aggression, the personality changes and behavioural problems. When we see a two year old crying and irritable we all seem to know s/he needs sleep. When we see a twenty year old man behaving the same way we chastise him and exclude him.


This.

As a society we still dont "get" that crying is (aside from joy!) a sign of a problem. The "man up" attitude is so last century but its clear as AiY says that blokes crying in public is a trigger for disgust and rejection. at "best" a "get your mate home - he's embarrassing people".

didds

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#450117

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 14th, 2021, 2:18 pm

didds wrote:
AsleepInYorkshire wrote:There's some science behind it, but I won't bore you too much. My depression was a symptom of a lack of sleep. And so was the aggression, the personality changes and behavioural problems. When we see a two year old crying and irritable we all seem to know s/he needs sleep. When we see a twenty year old man behaving the same way we chastise him and exclude him.

This.
As a society we still don't "get" that crying is (aside from joy!) a sign of a problem. The "man up" attitude is so last century but its clear as AiY says that blokes crying in public is a trigger for disgust and rejection. at "best" a "get your mate home - he's embarrassing people".

didds

If "we" look back to the time when our ancestors left the trees and started to wander the savannah we can see that they had three primal instincts which were all defaulted to be permanently on. These were

  • Procreation
  • Aggression - the need to fight something that would eat us or run away from it
  • Hunger
As we evolved and the frontal area of our brain developed the human being in us essentially arrived. The human being had chemicals available to them through the new frontal brain areas that suppressed the above primal instincts, that were no longer needed to be on all the time. But if you remove those chemicals from the brain then the default settings re-appear. Aggression being the one that others mistake for a choice by the individual. But if the default setting for aggression is on and the off switch has been removed it's impossible for the aggression to be controlled. It's hard to understand when it's happening to you too.

If you suffer with clinical depression and at the same time have feelings of aggression or behave aggressively it may be worth seeking a sleep study. Certainly that's the advice from NICE given to GP's.

I live in a much more serene world now. The aggressive feelings arise in response to external circumstances and I do feel cross at times. But the human part of my brain allows me to suppress and control the anger and my behaviour now fits that expected by society.

AiY

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#450130

Postby Sunnypad » October 14th, 2021, 2:51 pm

AiY
Sorry to hear about your mum
Hope she is on the mend

Didds - hello!

Insomnia - that was a major issue for me. I have had two days a week working at home since 2016 and could not have carried on without that. In 2018, it became 3 - 4 days. It makes such a difference. The "tired but wired" problem is made so much worse by the Tube. Well, everything is made worse by a Tube journey!

Speaking of which, at the moment it looks like I don't have to go to mum's at the weekend, yay!

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#450898

Postby Sunnypad » October 17th, 2021, 9:57 pm

How's everyone's weekend?

I had a nice one but it did not end well

On top of missing friends, I've had an...abrupt...conversation with one of the few left. She pulled out the old "you can't be English because your parents aren't."

I know she's entitled to her opinion. I know I shouldn't let this stuff get in the way of a friendship.

But it's hard.

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#450899

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 17th, 2021, 10:20 pm

Sunnypad wrote:How's everyone's weekend?

I had a nice one but it did not end well

On top of missing friends, I've had an...abrupt...conversation with one of the few left. She pulled out the old "you can't be English because your parents aren't."

I know she's entitled to her opinion. I know I shouldn't let this stuff get in the way of a friendship.

But it's hard.

We are all entitled to our opinions. Of course we are. But some opinions are possibly better kept to ourselves. Try and focus on the good parts of your weekend. Yes, you're right, it is hard. Sometimes almost impossible. Whilst you mull over the comments made you will only make yourself feel worse. And can I say, rather tritely, you don't have time for that.

My weekend has been mediocre. Mum remains in hospital with no visitors on the ward she's on. I've managed to get through on the phone twice and it was heart breaking talking with her as she's clearly very confused and having issues with her memory. Hopefully they will discharge her tomorrow. I worked yesterday to catch up on work I've done got done during the week. Today I've chilled out a little.

Take care

AiY

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#450900

Postby Sunnypad » October 17th, 2021, 10:29 pm

AiY
So sorry to hear that. Fingers crossed she is discharged tomorrow. Does she have carers?

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#450901

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 17th, 2021, 10:40 pm

Sunnypad wrote:AiY
So sorry to hear that. Fingers crossed she is discharged tomorrow. Does she have carers?

Thank you Sunnypad. She has a carer. We've sorted one for her. Continuing Care didn't do very well with sorting a carer. Well they didn't sort anything at all. Fortunately we were able to sort something very quickly. We've sorted ramps, a wheelchair and a host of other bits to make her comfortable. And Continuing Care have told me that I have upset them as I've inferred they aren't doing their job. You couldn't make it up. Ducks back and water for me.

AiY

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#450902

Postby Sunnypad » October 17th, 2021, 10:52 pm

I'm sorry to say that doesn't surprise me at all, that they were no help. Them taking umbrage about it is mad though!

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#450987

Postby Loup321 » October 18th, 2021, 12:37 pm

I've been reading this thread, because it's like catching up with friends, even though I don't know any of you personally. It's nice to have a chat that isn't really about anything. I don't contribute, because there's nothing much I feel I need to say.

Then I read this.

Sunnypad wrote:She pulled out the old "you can't be English because your parents aren't."


I suppose I just feel sad when people say things like that (once the initial anger subsides). My small one is 10, and discrimination comes up a lot at school as something not to be tolerated. She and I agree that it doesn't matter what colour your skin, what height, what jobs your parents have, what church (or not) you go to. It doesn't even really matter whether someone is clever or good at spelling and maths, although that helps to get a job. The only thing that really matters is whether you are kind.

Some people feel a stronger or weaker sense of identity with a particular country, and it's up to them whether they feel that. I suppose it's similar to religion - what you believe in, how you believe in it or show it, are all things personal to you and are what make you you. My way of thinking about stuff is mine. Mine isn't right or wrong, or more right or more wrong than yours. It's just mine. When people tell me that's not so, that's wrong and unkind.

I don't care whether or not you are English or feel English. Your opinion of how much it matters is up to you. You seem a nice person, and that's what matters to me. Arbitrary lines putting different people on different sides are not welcome.

On the internet, it's hard to gauge how to say what I feel, because I will probably end up upsetting someone, and it's here in black and white as a permanent record. So this doesn't say exactly how I feel, because the words are complicated (and I'm meant to be at work). But you friend is a silly meanie to have said that to you. And probably smells.

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#451073

Postby Sunnypad » October 18th, 2021, 6:43 pm

Loup"I've been reading this thread, because it's like catching up with friends, even though I don't know any of you personally. It's nice to have a chat that isn't really about anything. I don't contribute, because there's nothing much I feel I need to say."
-----
I love a chat that isn't about anything! Is the knitted Loch Ness monster selling well? :lol: The nice thing about chat boards is..chat. And I so miss my messaging chats with friends, hence hoping "random chat" would take off here. I'm sure I don't say anything very interesting either!

For the other stuff - I won't analyse it too closely either, on or offline. But there are other red flags with this woman and I've made some poor choices generally due to lockdown loneliness. Might have to let this one drift away.

Today's random chat - last night I started watching the 2010 adaptation of MR James "Whistle and I'll come to you".

It's v-e-r-y slow. Has anyone seen it? Does it speed up? Occasionally you do get a TV show made entirely from meaningful looks and mood music...with mumbled dialogue. I'm not a fan of those. I haven't read MR James but I will do at some point.

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#451078

Postby AleisterCrowley » October 18th, 2021, 6:57 pm

I can thoroughly recommend M.R. James - 'Oh, Whistle, and I'll Come to You, My Lad', to give it its full name, was in his first collection: 'Ghost Stories of an Antiquary'
Casting the Runes is my favourite, adapted into a very good film in 1957!

I used to live near Eton so visited his grave a couple of times. Sadly rather overgrown and neglected. He was provost of Eton college until his death in 1936

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Re: Random chat on Monday

#451094

Postby Sunnypad » October 18th, 2021, 7:28 pm

AleisterCrowley wrote:I can thoroughly recommend M.R. James - 'Oh, Whistle, and I'll Come to You, My Lad', to give it its full name, was in his first collection: 'Ghost Stories of an Antiquary'
Casting the Runes is my favourite, adapted into a very good film in 1957!

I used to live near Eton so visited his grave a couple of times. Sadly rather overgrown and neglected. He was provost of Eton college until his death in 1936


Definitely on the reading list. I think Mark Gatiss did a documentary about him.

Btw I came across the advice of your namesake...he said it wasn't good to fill one's mind with nonsense from newspapers, which I agree with! :lol:


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