Almost Adieu

[brightncheerful]

In July 2020, while standing in a queue at Waitrose, I watched an elderly man demonstrate the art of mimicking a Heath Robinson character by walking into a rope barrier, oblivious to a line of plastic cones toppling over. After he had disappeared, the man standing next to me in the queue went to pick up the cones. Noticing that he was having difficulty bending down, I went to help him. Between us, we restored the cones and the rope as they were.

We got talking. And after that, almost every Saturday morning, except when on holiday and with occasional absences, for the past 4 years, he and another man, slightly older, both in their 80s, and I have met from about 0710 outside the entrance to the store to exchange stories about our life history, events during the week, tell jokes, and so on.

His life history I find fascinating. His parents owned a hotel in Margate. He's worked in Newfoundland, on an American base in Guantanamo Bay, and for the retailer conglomerate, Great Universal Stores. The woman and her dog, who walks on the Hills most Saturday mornings - with whom I have become friendly - began meeting him and his wife for coffee. We exchange cards on birthdays and gifts, including Christmas presents. When one of us isn't there, we text in advance so that no one is worried. His wife, a retired teacher, began to suffer from dementia. In September 2020, when Mrs Bnc and I got a puppy, he, having had a labrador, gave me advice on puppy's upbringing, bought puppy presents and listens to me talking about our trials and tribulations. When he couldn't drive for a short while, the woman and her dog gave him a lift in her car so he could do the shopping.

A few weeks ago, he went to his doctor for some tests. Two weeks ago, an appointment with a consultant. Last Saturday, he told us he has liver cancer, and it's terminal; his expected life expectancy is 4-7 months. I asked if his wife knew, but he didn't think so. He now has a lot to sort out. I have never visited his house but am told it's massive, bought long ago when prices were low by modern standards. He doesn't have any children or precious little if any, family. I have offered to help within my capabilities.

We often chat in the Waitrose aisles. I had never seen him use a walking stick before. Last Saturday, he told me his gyroscope is failing. I remembered exhibitions at Olympia or Earl's Court where a gyroscope and a metal miniature Eiffel Tower were on sale. He isn't going to have treatment but will let nature take its course. There will come a time, he says, when he won't be able to come for our Saturday mornings. I suggest he write his autobiography in bullet points to record his life. Or else it would be forgotten.

The woman and her dog, both fond of him, text about how important it is not to take life for granted but to cherish every moment. An important part of what's left of my social life, I shall miss him terribly.

[DrFfybes]

What a remarkable story - it is amazing how such a firm and lasting connection can arise from such a random and trivial first encounter. Also that your Waitrose opens at 7am on a Saturday

[brightncheerful]

What a remarkable story - it is amazing how such a firm and lasting connection can arise from such a random and trivial first encounter. Also that your Waitrose opens at 7am on a Saturday

It opens at 8am

I arrive between 0520 and 0545, depending upon whether I hear my alarm at 0357. I used to park in the W car park but since they changed the free parking (3 hours) to apply 24 hours a day, and I got 2 tickets (at £40 a time) for overstaying, I now park in a nearby road and only go into the car park at about 0650. a consequence of not going into the car park earlier is that I miss watching the sunrise on the horizon, so now I stop more often en route to take photos. (My woman friend takes her photos from one of the summits on the Malvern Hills.)

PS—The man has noticeably aged since last week and is now very frail. He has nephews, one of whom drove over 400 miles to be with him for a couple of days and gave him a lift to W yesterday. He tells me he hasn't given up driving yet, so he expects to drive to W next week.

[Spet0789]

I’m sorry, I know this is a trivial detail but I am fascinated
by the timeline here.

You set your alarm for 4am, turn up at Waitrose before 6am to wait for it to open at 8am? Is that right?

[kiloran]

I’m sorry, I know this is a trivial detail but I am fascinated
by the timeline here.

You set your alarm for 4am, turn up at Waitrose before 6am to wait for it to open at 8am? Is that right?

It's even stranger than that. The alarm is set for 03:57, not 04:00.

--kiloran

[Watis]

I’m sorry, I know this is a trivial detail but I am fascinated
by the timeline here.

You set your alarm for 4am, turn up at Waitrose before 6am to wait for it to open at 8am? Is that right?

It's even stranger than that. The alarm is set for 03:57, not 04:00.

--kiloran

It's a crafty tactic that allows a few minutes for a snooze.

On the strength of these timings, I've no doubt that BnC turns up early for flights. A week early.

Watis

[Spet0789]

It's even stranger than that. The alarm is set for 03:57, not 04:00.

--kiloran

It's a crafty tactic that allows a few minutes for a snooze.

On the strength of these timings, I've no doubt that BnC turns up early for flights. A week early.

Watis

My father once waited at Heathrow for a flight to the US for longer than the flight itself.

[DrFfybes]

I’m sorry, I know this is a trivial detail but I am fascinated
by the timeline here.

You set your alarm for 4am, turn up at Waitrose before 6am to wait for it to open at 8am? Is that right?

Maybe he likes to avoid the queus

[Watis]

I’m sorry, I know this is a trivial detail but I am fascinated
by the timeline here.

You set your alarm for 4am, turn up at Waitrose before 6am to wait for it to open at 8am? Is that right?

Maybe he likes to avoid the queus

For the best part of two hours - he *is* the queue!

Watis

[abbeymeadster]

Is this the beginning of a spy novel? Surely no-one sets their alarm at 3:57am for a Waitrose which opens at 8am, unless the stories being exchanged are very valuable indeed

Is this the Waitrose near GCHQ?

[brightncheerful]

Before lockdown 1, I used to go to the gym at about 6.30am for its opening at 8am. Between arrival and opening time, I would listen to The Archers on catch-up and write my journal for the week. Getting there early originated from when I used to go to a gym a few minutes drive from where I live so I could do some shopping from a market stall beforehand and get a parking space for the newsagent. As there were only a couple of parking spaces at this gym, and someone else started arriving early. I realised that to get the space I wanted, I had to arrive earlier than him or else he would get it first.

After going to the gym, I would then go to Waitrose by about 10.30am. (2 hours at the gym included 45 minutes in a circuit training class, to begin with) At the start of lockdown 1, I found that getting to the W car park, listening to The Archers and finishing writing my journal meant that although I was there first, by the time I got out of the car, a long queue had formed. So I started arriving a lot earlier. (I considered listening to the Archers on the way there, but I found concentrating on listening too much of a distraction for safe driving - even though I mostly have the road to myself for 10 miles or so. Also, occasionally, I like to stop on the road for a couple of minutes to take photos of the sunrise and early morning sky. A couple of weeks ago, I overslept - didn't hear the alarm because I'd forgotten to turn up the volume the night before -and by the time I got going, I reckon there must've been about 3 times as much traffic as earlier, as I counted 6 vehicles on the other side of the road. )

The 0357 stems from where swiping my finger on the dial on my app ended up the first time I set the alarm.

[brightncheerful]

PS - My alarm is music - A Whiter Shade of Pale. played by King Curtis. Highly recommendedhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI8d36w_ijw

[brightncheerful]

Update

On Saturday last, it was obvious that was the last time he would go to W on a Saturday morning. When I asked about his health, he was reluctant to say ok. I changed the arrangements to drive him there in the future; instead, I asked him to text me if he wanted to go. But I doubted he would. We didn't stop and chat in the aisles like we used to. As far as I was concerned, it was over. My woman friend and her dog had told me she thought it would be the last time she would see him there.

Arrangements have moved fast since. One of his only two relatives having taken charge, he and his wife are now in a nursing home. I have received a photograph. His wife had had a nasty fall and a bandage on her forehead. Our woman friend will, but I won't visit him. She will send my best wishes and say thank you on my behalf.

When I returned home last Saturday, I spent a couple of hours listening to Mark Knopfler on Desert Island Discs, followed by via YouTube watching and listening to Mr Knopfler performing at the amphitheatre in Taormina, Sicily.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cy2t9fUXlk

As I immersed myself in the music, Taormina brought back memories; Mrs Bnc and I had been there on holiday for 3 years running. The video includes shots of the town, I recalled the same places we visited. We'd stayed at Villa Ducale, overlooking the town and the bay.

https://villaducale.com

With a clear view of Mount Etna in the distance, I'd suggested to the hotel reception they press a button to fire up Etna. My photo on TripAdvisor bears the caption "Taormina Flambé".

By the time the performance had ended, I had pulled myself together. Sadness passed; time to move on.

[brightncheerful]

Update.

Despite dithering whether to visit, I'm glad I did. He and his wife are now in a hospice care home. (Their doctor is its resident doctor, so it only took a few calls to get them a room each. even so, it's pricey!)

If I didn't know his wife has dementia, then I would never have guessed. Our conversation flowed, and apart from one thing she didn't remember, she answered all my questions and asked plenty of her own. When I asked if her memory comes and goes, she said that at her age it is not surprising: I think she is 90 but doesn't look it.

He was quieter than before and had lost weight (not before time) but looked content, particularly since his car, which he bought second-hand 15 years ago for about £9000, has been sold for just over £4000.

I envisaged staying for about half an hour but was there for about two hours. They enthusiastically said yes when I asked if they'd like me to visit again.

[Moosehoosenew]

Thank you for sharing BnC, a lovely interesting story.

[brightncheerful]

Thank you. In my update, I meant to add something that made them both laugh. I said that every time my dog poos, I think of him.

Last year, he'd given our dog a Christmas present of a £10 voucher for Pets at Home. I bought £10 of poo bags.

((I wouldn't recommend their poo bags: too flimsy and a fiddle to open. I prefer the bags we get on Amazon.)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dog-Waste-Bags-Earth-Rated/s?keywords=Dog+Waste+Bags&rh=n%3A13154166031%2Cp_89%3AEarth+Rated&c=ts&ts_id=13154166031

[DrFfybes]

A lovely story...

Last year, he'd given our dog a Christmas present of a £10 voucher for Pets at Home. I bought £10 of poo bags.

((I wouldn't recommend their poo bags: too flimsy and a fiddle to open. I prefer the bags we get on Amazon.)

Aldi ones are good.

Paul