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The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

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Clariman
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The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#386587

Postby Clariman » February 14th, 2021, 10:37 am

Over recent years I have become more aware of the passing of time and the circle of life. I think losing the last of my parents a few years ago and then becoming a grandparent myself, was a little bit of a jolt. I was no longer the middle of 3 generations, I was the oldest. This feeling has been exacerbated in the last 12 months with the loss of my MIL (the last of that generation) and the constant messages that the over 60s (and overweight like me) are more vulnerable to diseases like Covid-19.

When we both retired early (me at 56) it was a great opportunity to unshackle ourselves, travel more and enjoy a fulfilling retirement. Now it feels as if we are getting old and, of course, none of us can travel or do normal things right now. Being a grandparent is a great joy but that can't really be done either. Mrs C feels that we may never get to travel.

Apart from my weight, we are both fit and well and should have many years ahead of us, but the passing of time feels stark. I spent last week clearing out my home office, where I had my parents old photo albums. My dad had also kept albums and other family stuff from his cousin (my Dad was next of kin). So there is so much family history stuff around which I am now the custodian of. It makes me aware that in a generation's time or less, we will be part of that history too. While that is nice in some ways, it isn't in others.

Although I am fine day to day in lockdown, it has given too much time to think about the past and to wonder what the future might hold. We are marking time because living in the present is the only real time we actually have and that we can make use of.

This makes it sound as if I am terribly miserable. I'm not, but I am having to come to terms with the ageing process which I had largely disregarded until a few years ago. I think what did it this week was clearing thing out. Perhaps not so much the old photo albums but my own files. I had kept detailed correspondence and schedules of all our property purchases. When we moved here about 14 years ago they seemed recent and relevant. Now they seem to come from another life that happened decades ago, so I have thrown 90% of it out.

C

88V8
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Re: The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#386641

Postby 88V8 » February 14th, 2021, 12:59 pm

Clariman wrote:Over recent years I have become more aware of the passing of time and the circle of life. I think losing the last of my parents a few years ago and then becoming a grandparent myself, was a little bit of a jolt. I was no longer the middle of 3 generations, I was the oldest.

Yes, it's a reality check when all the parents are gone.
Less gone than they used to be because one has photos as you say, and perhaps even video.
I find the hardest thing to recall is the voice, the tone the timbre.

I too retired early, in 2007, did I spend the time well.... I spent a lot of it restoring a house we later sold and a classic car I no longer own, neither to make money, I just did it because that's what I did. I spent time as if time stretched endlessly ahead. I recall spending a whole evening cutting one fiddly bathroom tile.

We never were much into travelling.

Now I've turned 70, and having occupied much of the last ten years working on another old house, I begin to feel I am restoring it for someone else to enjoy, but It is hard to come to terms with the fact that one day, one will no longer be here.
Very much not here in our family's case, as my brother's wife was unable to have children and for environmental reasons we chose not to. So it's just my sister who has continued the line, once removed.

Yes, all those things that once seemed important; All this stuff. I'm not good at letting things go. Clutter, some might call it, but to me they are or were hopes dreams plans... until last week we were renting two storage units at £400/month, filled with stuff that we considered essential to keep after we 'downsized' rather too much. We downsized ten years ago, do the arithmetic.
Now we have cleared one unit, and at least half the contents have ended up at the charity shop or on eBay for not much money.

I still have the oak panelling I was going to put in the library of our previous house. There is no chance of using it in our present house, but I cannot bear to admit that I will never have an oak-panelled room. These little things we cling to. That and other little things are still costing us £200/month.

It takes time to come to terms with the passing of time and our finite span.

Fortunately other than a little arthritis we are well, and not overweight which is fortunate as we enjoy our food.
And fortunately because we have been careful with our money for 40 odd years - storage units aside - we have no worries on that score.

I suppose on the whole we will go on frittering our time away, me in the workshop the wife in the garden, until time comes to an end.

We will be reincarnated of course, our atoms incorporated into other living things, matter cannot be destroyed. Each of us contains the atoms of past generations, Einstein, Eric Sykes, Fanny Craddock, and Cecil the poodle who lived next door.
Walkies!!

V8

Itsallaguess
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Re: The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#386647

Postby Itsallaguess » February 14th, 2021, 1:16 pm

88V8 wrote:
I still have the oak panelling I was going to put in the library of our previous house.

There is no chance of using it in our present house, but I cannot bear to admit that I will never have an oak-panelled room.

These little things we cling to.


If no-one has yet written an authoritative paper on man's attempted immortality through purposely delayed DIY jobs, then it's probably only because they're currently putting it off for some reason....

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

Clariman
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Re: The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#386652

Postby Clariman » February 14th, 2021, 1:38 pm

Itsallaguess wrote:
88V8 wrote:
I still have the oak panelling I was going to put in the library of our previous house.

There is no chance of using it in our present house, but I cannot bear to admit that I will never have an oak-panelled room.

These little things we cling to.


If no-one has yet written an authoritative paper on man's attempted immortality through purposely delayed DIY jobs, then it's probably only because they're currently putting it off for some reason....

Cheers,

Itsallaguess


:lol: :lol:

Sussexlad
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Re: The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#386696

Postby Sussexlad » February 14th, 2021, 5:07 pm

I too am at that stage of life, where the realisation that the future isn't infinite has begun to hit home. We also don't have children to be concerned about, having lost our only son over 30 years ago. Fortunately we have been very content with a simple life and so any limitations due to ageing are just minor irritants.

One thing that makes me content with my life, is that I'm convinced we've enjoyed the best period this country is ever going to experience and I know several of my contempories feel exactly the same. The freedoms we enjoyed as children are unimaginable today and how we survived the terrors childhood apparently threatens, I have no idea. Our parents had just lived through a war, we actually had an air-raid shelter built in our garden and yet none of the adults in our lives ever mentioned it ! We enjoyed ignorant bliss, so different to how now, everyone feels they have the right, indeed the duty, to share their personal woes for the benefit of society as a whole but are then surprised by a growing mental health crisis !

Work too has changed for so many. Many people like me had a job for life. Promotion was always an option but I chose to remain hands on because that's what I enjoyed. A former colleague only said yesterday, that he always regretted taking up the pen in place of the wire cutters ! This insecurity plus housing inflation means the opportunities for so many have changed, not to mention the impending death of the life-long relationship.

Technology, along with personal choices have undermined the very stability of our society and I wouldn't have wanted to live in any other period. So all in all, I feel very fortunate, even if I have to accept it's drawing to a close !

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#386725

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » February 14th, 2021, 8:03 pm

I'm not sure I can say much on this subject without it becoming a narcistic rant about how hard my life has been due to health problems. I'll not lie there have been times recently when I have felt quite bitter about it. But I'm here. I've survived. If I suggested that East Enders scriptwriters wrote about my life they wouldn't believe it.

Longevity has it's place as Martin Luther King Jr said. And I'd like to think I've half a chance of my own innings being long.

When you're weary

Because it's Valentines Day

More advice

AiY

Sussexlad
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Re: The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#386728

Postby Sussexlad » February 14th, 2021, 8:30 pm

Sussexlad wrote:I too am at that stage of life.....


I just wanted to add one further change over the years which disappoints me and that is the way commerce feels it can treat it's customers, well they see them as 'victims'. You used to be able to deal with companies, believing they would treat you as any other customer, with openness and honesty. Sadly now you know that isn't the case and unless you are on your toes, you WILL be screwed! Of course as we become older, either through ignorance of inability, the chances of being taken advantage of increase. Even for the tech savvy, it's a constant and stressful battle. A simple example is the 2 for 1 or 50% off, clearly penalising those living on the own. I just find it so sad that it has come to this.

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Re: The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#386992

Postby didds » February 15th, 2021, 4:44 pm

interesting thread, if a tad depressing ;-)

I suspect Im relatively young round these here parts going by comments gleaned over the years - 58 now.
I've been fairly aware of my mortality since I reached 50 and I equated that to my paternal grandfather dieing at 70, and my dad at 69. I used to quip that I'd be off when im 68...

I've lost a load of weight in the last few years and got active again (long story) so Im probably good for north of 70 at least but I cant see myself making 80 (diabetes mainly). My wife will for sure - both her parents reached 90+ and he mum is still going strong. My mum's side of the family have some longevity so who knows...

I realise i have another bloody decade of working facing me. Not a prospect that particularly excites me but I in reality have no option. Even if/when I eventually give up the IT job I cant see me not working somewhere even if its just a day or two for pocket money. I cant see me being able to afford to... for various reasons my pension wont be amazing - but equally Ive done stuff in my life Id never have missed (4 years backpacking for starters)

We are trying to get the house fixed up while we are young enough to benefit from the upkeep and we have the income to support the fixes. the mortgage is paid off a short while back and what was the mortgage money goes into a house fund for such work. Retirement - howsoever that becomes defined - just seems so far away but we both got traveling done when younger so cannot say we've missed out... though we have of late discussed (post covid yaddayadda ) the idea of some sort of sabbatical to go to NZ maybe (wife never been - I played rugby there back in the early 90s).

In so many ways we are very lucky we know - and we are. I think its just some uncertainty and realisation that now whilst not necessarily "feeling old" we are becoming "old" from so many social viewpoints.

didds

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Re: The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#387042

Postby stevensfo » February 15th, 2021, 7:09 pm

Sussexlad wrote:One thing that makes me content with my life, is that I'm convinced we've enjoyed the best period this country is ever going to experience and I know several of my contempories feel exactly the same. The freedoms we enjoyed as children are unimaginable today and how we survived the terrors childhood apparently threatens, I have no idea. Our parents had just lived through a war, we actually had an air-raid shelter built in our garden and yet none of the adults in our lives ever mentioned it ! We enjoyed ignorant bliss, so different to how now, everyone feels they have the right, indeed the duty, to share their personal woes for the benefit of society as a whole but are then surprised by a growing mental health crisis !


As my uncle used to say, "Nostalgia's not what it used to be!" ;) I am terribly nostalgic and if there was an injection to cure it, I'd be first in the queue. My wife is not nostalgic in the slightest and finds the whole concept a form of mental illness.

I grew up in the 70s with strikes, power cuts etc but remember being very happy. Our village was full of kids on bikes, loads of shops and pubs, plenty to do, lots of fun. My mum and sister are still there but it's a depressing shadow of its former self, all streams gone, green areas hemmed in by houses and 1000 new houses planned. Not many people walk any more. Cars everywhere. Then the 80s, a sense of the world being your oyster, adult education, busy libraries, cheap evening courses at all the schools, Open University, affordable public transport. Our local Tech college offered something for everything and I did a French course while working a gap year in a local factory. If I step a foot in what it's become now, without a security badge, I'd be wrestled to the ground by security guards.
Then the 90s, end of cold war, growing sense of optimism, feelings of a new and better time.
Then the Financial Crisis, and the great idea by banks to make everyone think that they've learned their lesson by making life miserable for everyone.
Now 'Privacy', in true 'Animal Farm' style, keep droning on about increased privacy, while slowly making it painfully clear that nobody has privacy any more.

Oh well, at least we still have Special Brew!

Unless that's a glitch in the Matrix or I took the wrong-coloured pill. 8-)

Steve

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Re: The Passing of Time - Circle of Life

#392020

Postby ten0rman » March 3rd, 2021, 10:01 pm

It's nice to know that I am not alone in being cognisant that time is passing on I am getting older. I'm not sure when it dawned on me, but at 77 I've been aware of it for a few years now.
There are a number of things that I now know I'll never accomplish, eg a home built DSO, not that I've any use for one now; a decent lathe & milling machine; possibly not seeing my granddaughters get married - one's 14 and the other is 6.
I tend to spend a lot of time, too much perhaps, reminiscing about the past, and with it the sadness caused by the realization that the job I was trained for no longer exists, indeed the career progression I followed cannot happen today.
Healthwise I'm making the best of it - Menieres, heart attack, gall bladder removal, lung cancer, all of which add up to poor health even though by various means the first three are all under control, whilst the lung cancer is under chemotherapy. But, hey-ho, I've had a reasonable life and when I look back, I've done various things which have broadened my life experience.
Another life oddity is that of losing track of people I used to know many years ago. For example, people at school, people at work, people at the church I attended back in the 60's, and so on. I have made some tentative enquiries only to discover that one of the girls is dead, a boy I knew is probably dead and so on.
It's interesting that the owner of the garage that looks after my car made a very telling comment some months ago. He said that these days, the first thing he reads in the local paper is the Deaths & Obituraries section! He is approaching 60.

Regards,

ten0rman


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