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soon to be new auntie

A friendly ear
bitstrange
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soon to be new auntie

#2790

Postby bitstrange » November 9th, 2016, 1:14 pm

Hi all,

I'm not really sure where best to post this, but I thought I'd give this place a go. I'm in my mid-30s, don't have children and don't really know anything about kids! When colleagues who are new mums pop in the office with their new babies, I'm terrified of it being passed round, in case I drop it or say something stupid about it. They're cute and everything, and I think it's incredible how a person develops from a tiny crying thing, but I just haven't had many encounters with babies, so I don't really know how to handle them.

My younger sister is due to have her first baby in mid-January. I want to be a supportive sister and I'm excited about having a new little person in the family. However, I'm not really sure about how I can best help. There's obviously lots of books and advice out there for new mums, but is there anything aimed at non-mums/close family? Ideally I need a generic baby instruction manual ;-) But seriously, do people have any tips on what I could do to prepare, things to be aware of, anything I could read, anything I could buy for my sister or the baby, etc?

Thanks!

Clariman
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#2792

Postby Clariman » November 9th, 2016, 1:19 pm

Hi there. I'd say that the best thing is to simply share in the excitement and go with the flow. Ooh and aah over the baby. I'm sure you'll have a natural reaction to a baby in the family anyway, so I wouldn't stress about it :)

C

redsturgeon
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#2866

Postby redsturgeon » November 9th, 2016, 3:21 pm

Just speak to your sister, be honest about your fears and ask what she needs from you.

John

JessUK98
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#2902

Postby JessUK98 » November 9th, 2016, 4:24 pm

You'll be fine. It's all common sense really, you'll know much more about children than you think. I have no children and my little sister now has two (6yrs and nearly 1yrs). You will have subconsciously soaked up what to do with them by watching others in action. I found nappy changing is the most traumatic. One time a bit of poop touched my hand! My nephew also very kindly peed all over me on his first day on this planet, which I thought was awfully nice of him. Clearly I was far too slow trying to figure out which way to put the dratted nappy on (seriously, nappies are really hard to work out. I always wonder if I've put them on the right way or put them on tight enough etc. Compounded by the deliberate kicking of legs as they think it's funny, and the increased likely-hood of showers the longer you take, it's a nightmare!).
My niece also survived a week with me when she was 5 whilst my sister and brother in law went on holiday. I had comprehensive written instructions on what to do stuck to the fridge, but she left out the levitating and projectile vomiting so I had to figure that one out myself.
As Clariman says, just go with the flow, and just be supportive of your sister. Offer to do some housework for her, or watch the baby when she has a shower etc. When they are older offer to take them for the day or weekend to give the parents some respite. You will learn to tolerate them staring in your face at 5am declaring that they are no longer tired and want to get up.

NomoneyNohoney
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#2922

Postby NomoneyNohoney » November 9th, 2016, 5:03 pm

Babies are awkward to deal with at first meeting, as you're conscious that you're dealing with something beyond value. Despite that , very soon you'll become quite blasé. the only thing is, a new-born baby has very little neck strength, so don't chuck them around too much, support their head if you're lifting them. Regarding nappies, it is a natural function, and poo/wee is just liquidy stuff that you can wash off easily: it's only liquidised food, in a way.

Oh, and babies cry, and often won't shut up. It's not that you're a failure and doing anything wrong, it's just that babies cry. When they're older they play on X-boxes instead of crying, but initially, all they know how to do is eat/sleep/poo/cry so be ready for that.

One big tip - magic cream. This is used to ease nappy rash - it's called metanium cream, and is wonderful. If your sister doesn't know the product, you can show off by introducing her to it. We call it magic cream for obvious reasons.

Gosh, you can tell I'm a Dad, can't you?

muddle
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#3576

Postby muddle » November 11th, 2016, 1:05 am

You're overthinking it.
The single best thing my friend did for me was to nip in every Wednesday after work and take the baby for a walk in the pram or a drive depending on the weather so OH and me could have dinner together and hold a conversation without anyone crying or demanding our attention. The baby is now 14. I'm still grateful.
Give your niece/nephew some of your time and give your sister a break - you'll all benefit.
Top childcare tip about crying in a previous post. Sometimes babies cry because...don't let it phase you.
Enjoy it you sound as though you have all the makings of a brilliant Auntie!

wheypat
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#3849

Postby wheypat » November 11th, 2016, 4:35 pm

Don't do what a friend of mine did upon meeting his niece for the first time. He looked into the pram and came out with

"Ah, she's got all her limbs"

There was silence from all assembled, including his wife, mother, father, brother - you name it -- for a good few minutes until eventually his wife just came out with "what the ****?"

sg31
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#3930

Postby sg31 » November 11th, 2016, 6:47 pm

Ah, she's got all her limbs"

There was silence from all assembled, including his wife, mother, father, brother - you name it -- for a good few minutes until eventually his wife just came out with "what the ****?"


It may seem strange but when I was young I do remember people asking about the sex of the baby and it's weight. The proud parent would provide the information and then say "and he/she has got all his/her fingers and toes".

It may seem odd now but apparently children were often born with missing digits a generation or 2 before and it had just continued. As far as I'm aware it is no longer mentioned.

This memory is from the early 60's.

ten0rman
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#3984

Postby ten0rman » November 11th, 2016, 9:21 pm

Ok, I'm a grandad, but hopefully that does not disbar me from here?

Anyway, first grandchild, less than a week old. Daughter in kitchen, lad in pram yelling his head off, me on sofa reading paper because, well, he's her child and I don't want to interfere with her arrangements, even though I'm itching to pick him up and try to comfort him. After all, there have been almost as many fads on child rearing as there have been children. Then, "Dad, can't you pick him up?" It took perhaps 30 secs to find a position he was comfortable in, and then he didn't move for an hour. And neither did I.

Latest grandchild. Went to see her, only 2 or 3 days old so quite small and wrapped up in large amounts of oversize clothing. Son handed her to me, and eventually I tried to put her into another position. I could not feel her body through all the clothing etc so had no idea what I was getting hold of. So I handed her back.

Anyway, little children are remarkably tough. They don't know what might happen so if they get dropped, they remain all floppy and thus don't break anything. (As I understand it, one of the reasons for breakages etc is that when we get older we tend to brace ourselves and hence if the shock is too great, snap goes the bone.) All babies need is a full tummy, a warm & dry environment (and I'm not that sure of dry seeing where they have been for up to nine months), and comfort. Yes, they can wet you, or "dirty" you, but let's face it, farmers deal with all that day in and day out so it won't hurt you.

And of course, it won't take long before you are their favourite Auntie, dispensing sweets, toys, and playing games, going to the park etc. Enjoy them, they grow up faster than you think! My first grandchild is now 21, 6'6" & 19 stone!

Regards,

ten0rman

bitstrange
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#4244

Postby bitstrange » November 12th, 2016, 6:14 pm

Thanks for the tips so far. I certainly won't be lacking in excitement or willingness to support, I suppose I'd just like to have some basic practical knowledge in advance, like the one about supporting the baby's head. There must be loads of other things, for example I guess they must regulate their temperature differently given their size to surface area ratio, so do they need dressing warmer than you'd think? Or can it lie on its front, or is that a bad thing when they're very young? I honestly can't imagine how new parents know what to do!

Regarding the fingers/toes/limbs stories, they reminded me of when we went to Thailand on holiday a few years ago. Apparently the custom there is to compliment people on how fat and ugly their babies are. Apparently that keeps the evil spirits away. I wonder how well that would go down here!

Est

Satsuma
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#5144

Postby Satsuma » November 15th, 2016, 10:25 am

In general I have zero interest in children at all. Just a complete <shrug face> when I see a baby etc. Never once had a maternal bone in my body, and never will.

My sibling had kids though, and those are ok and I (don't tell anyone!) love them quite a lot!
As you become entwined in their life, you'll naturally get closer to them and find what they do of interest. They just grow on you.

I have one memory of visiting my newest born niece who was having great difficulty sleeping. She seemed to settle on me at some point during my visit, and I ended up stuck on the sofa for hours, unable to go anywhere because she was sparko for the first time in ages (and because her parents forbade me to move a muscle!).

Not having any interest in other people's children is quite normal - nobody is as fascinated with a child as their owners are. But don't worry and overthink that it will be the same for the ones you are related to, as you have a 'reason' to be involved with and interested in them.

Sats
PS. You also get to be the one who buys them noisy presents and then legs it when the din gets too much :lol:

taylor20
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#5240

Postby taylor20 » November 15th, 2016, 1:43 pm

muddle wrote:The single best thing my friend did for me was to nip in every Wednesday after work and take the baby for a walk in the pram or a drive depending on the weather so OH and me could have dinner together and hold a conversation without anyone crying or demanding our attention.
Give your niece/nephew some of your time and give your sister a break - you'll all benefit.
Top childcare tip about crying in a previous post. Sometimes babies cry because...don't let it phase you.


I second everything muddle says, even a short break can help get everything back in perspective if the little one has been grouchy all morning!

On the practical side I'd let your sister guide you, everyone has their own way of doing things and mum always knows best (do not under any circumstances contradict someone who has only had 3 hours sleep in the last 48 hours!). ;)

Mike88
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#5541

Postby Mike88 » November 16th, 2016, 10:25 am

My advice is not to read any books as you may well find the temptation to impart unwelcome advice too great. The last thing you want to do is tell the new mother how you think things should be done. Just go with the flow.

Polyxena
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#6237

Postby Polyxena » November 18th, 2016, 8:13 am

Lots of sensible advice. Have a look on Mumsnet if you want to get a sense of daily life with a baby (good and bad!).

I'd add: say the baby is beautiful even if he/she really isn't - lots of them are terribly odd looking at birth, but don't worry, nature sorts it out and a few months later they're mostly gorgeous.

And ask the parents beforehand what present they'd like - I bought a baby gym for my niece (having checked beforehand) and that worked well.

I can't say I'm a massive baby person, but my niece is now nearly 3 and excellent value; so if you're not really excited about the baby to begin with (some people are, some aren't) then just hang in there as it really is worth it in the long haul.

bungeejumper
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Re: soon to be new auntie

#7697

Postby bungeejumper » November 22nd, 2016, 12:29 pm

Have a look on Mumsnet if you want to get a sense of daily life with a baby (good and bad!).


You got there before me. Mumsnet is a huge resource for anyone wanting to get to grips with the realities of handling sprogs. No holds barred, sometimes, and kinda graphic in places, but utterly 100% realistic.

Having never been a parent, and having found myself suddenly a grandfather :shock: ), I thought I'd need all the advice I could get. It turned out that what was really needed was the willingness to volunteer in and give mum and dad a bit of a break every now and then. That included going for pushchair walks, sitting quietly, reading to the sprog (who was taking a lively interest even by five months), and just not worrying too much.

As others have said, babies don't generally break, although it's best not to drop them on the floor. :roll: If you're taking charge for a while to give mum and dad a break, it's a good idea to know how to change a nappy. (Hint: start at the front and work backwards, and don't forget the cream....) Unaccountable tantrums are more than likely due to tiredness and/or wind, and if putting them down doesn't work (and a nappy check doesn't provide a clue), you may need a bit of help, but probably not.

Most of all, relax. Nobody said it has to be easy for a baby, and actually they're tougher than you think, so no worries if you don't always get it right. Seven years on, I'm teaching my granddaughter to play the violin and ride a horse, and it's been the most wonderful adventure of my life. Just dancing for the first time, with her two little feet firmly planted on top of mine, was a memory I'll never ever forget. (She was two at the time.) You'll be great.

BJ

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Re: soon to be new auntie

#8206

Postby Dorsetbird » November 23rd, 2016, 3:20 pm

I was nonplussed by the baby versions, but now my nephew is 8 and his sister 6, they are great fun to be around.

They are just the sort of children I would have hoped to have myself, if I had had kids.

All I'm saying is that even if you don't feel you add much to their lives, that will probably change as they get older.


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