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Musings

A friendly ear
Sunnypad
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Musings

#410145

Postby Sunnypad » May 7th, 2021, 8:17 pm

Don't read if you're expecting a point, it's just me thinking aloud. :D

I was playing a lyrics game with my sister on the phone earlier. You have to chuck in an easy one, IMHO. I used Fast Car by Tracy Chapman.

It struck me after how much of what's not worked out for me is not my fault. Perhaps this is middle aged wisdom. :lol: I don't own the fast car; I don't drive any more because of health issues. I don't own the house and garden I always wanted, because property prices.

I had a look through the Circle of Life thread and it was a surprise to me that posters in 60s and 70s still thought about their parents. I think maybe if you have children, you see your parents differently.

I think mine is a generation who were taught that most things were within our control or grasp according to hard work and so on. Or maybe everyone is taught that? A few years ago, I got super lucky with something and it made me realise how much of life depends on luck.

I don't plan much at the moment. That might change when mum is gone, assuming I outlive her. But I can hear the lines "I got no plans, I ain't going nowhere/ So take your fast car and keep on driving" without the pang of memories of driving, which I used to love! I actually dreamt about it frequently after I had to stop.

And there are no plans, and that's okay.

I wonder how long this sense of peace will last!

AleisterCrowley
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Re: Musings

#410151

Postby AleisterCrowley » May 7th, 2021, 8:44 pm

Yep - I realised some years ago that most life outcomes have a massive element of chance - just the random noise of the universe
You can make the best of the hand you are dealt, but ultimately a lot of things are just a roll of the dice
Trouble is - the human brain is very good at making up stories to explain past events as a logical sequence*
'Ah yes, I'm rich because I spotted that x was a good investment based on my detailed analysis, and I got out of y at exactly the right time'
No mate, you just got lucky...

Just stick your tin hat on and enjoy the ride :-)
Best Wishes
AC


'The idea that the future is unpredictable is undermined every day by the ease with which the past is explained'
(Daniel Kahneman)

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Re: Musings

#410162

Postby Sunnypad » May 7th, 2021, 9:50 pm

Interesting that you think that too Aleister

I have one friend - probably friend from the past now - who is really big on luck not being a thing. I think there might be a book by Richard Wiseman on the subject, she's a big fan.

I was puzzled but when I mentioned examples of my good luck, she immediately tried to ascribe it to my "hard work". Um, no! :lol:

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Re: Musings

#410229

Postby Clariman » May 8th, 2021, 11:14 am

I think there are many factors that lead us to where we are. For example: what we were born with, how it was nurtured, how we used it, the opportunities that came our way, whether we took those opportunities, the choices we make, luck, serendipity, right/wrong place at the right/wrong time.

There is a lot of luck and chance in life, but I also think that the choices we make when presented with luck and chance play a part.

And there are no plans, and that's okay.

I wonder how long this sense of peace will last!


I think you are quite right. Whatever decisions we make about our life and the presence/absence of a plan are okay. I have often thought that people's drive to attain things or status - or to have a brilliant career, can cause more unhappiness because one is never satisfied. I think "contentment" is the important thing. Of course, earning more money to be able to provide food and shelter might be an important part of contentment.

C

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Re: Musings

#410265

Postby Sunnypad » May 8th, 2021, 1:39 pm

it's funny Clariman; I can't imagine many people teaching that to a child or a teenager, that it's okay not to have a plan.

the peace has been shattered by a frustrating conversation with the elderly mother.

I am trying to restore it now.

This is partly why I was surprised to see on the "Circle of Life" thread, that a few posters were thinking about their parents a fair bit.

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Re: Musings

#410277

Postby Sunnypad » May 8th, 2021, 2:33 pm

posting again as I am hoping for a chat really.

Another thing that struck me about the Circle of Life thread, with crossover into "things society tells you to expect" - I would be relieved if time seemed to be going quickly.

at 45 it mostly seems to go quite slowly still. Anyone at the same sort of age who finds that? There are some lovely days that go by really fast but they are a rarity rather than a norm.

in terms of expectations, I feel there is a sense that I should be feeling the passage of time but I'm not. And I would be rather relieved if I did! :lol:

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Re: Musings

#410289

Postby Clariman » May 8th, 2021, 3:17 pm

Sunnypad wrote:it's funny Clariman; I can't imagine many people teaching that to a child or a teenager, that it's okay not to have a plan.

I can't talk for others because I only had my own parents to judge by. They encouraged learning and to do well at school, but didn't overly influence anything else, nor suggest that I or my siblings needed a plan. The only time I recall them trying to influence me was when my mother expressed her disappointment that I was not going to a pursue a career in what I studied at university, because it had been something close to her heart.

Sunnypad wrote:the peace has been shattered by a frustrating conversation with the elderly mother.

I am trying to restore it now.

This is partly why I was surprised to see on the "Circle of Life" thread, that a few posters were thinking about their parents a fair bit.


Sorry to hear that. Hope you are finding some peace and restoration of contentment.

I lost the last of my parents 4 years ago. I think about them both quite regularly. I guess a lot depends on what kind of relationship we each have with our own parents. I think some people live their lives feeling that they need to please their parents or to seek their approval. For some reason, I didn't have that feeling whereas Mrs C did.

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Re: Musings

#410304

Postby Sunnypad » May 8th, 2021, 4:02 pm

Clariman,

that's interesting, I feel like my whole education was based on "you must make a plan".

I do wonder if some planning would be good as perhaps I would not be sitting around on a Saturday afternoon having done none of my chores and procrastinating online...which in reality will be annoying later when I try to settle to something and the flat is a tip.

I am lacking in discipline and discipline is something I associate with the older generation. I hope it's all right to say this here - I am clearly middle aged as I am never sure what's all right to say these days - but I think my lack of discipline needs a boot up the backside. Modern thinking is very much about figuring out whyyyyyyyyyyyyy you are not disciplined and often finding things and people to blame for it.

sometimes the answer is just "I'm lazy", sometimes it's "it's raining and I can't get my brain in gear" but the solution is always Bloody Get On With It and that certainly feels like something my parents generation were much better at.

I also really need to find more patience with my mother, who is doing nothing wrong. I am just baffled how people cope with elderly parents.

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Re: Musings

#410342

Postby Sussexlad » May 8th, 2021, 7:21 pm

I suspect most of life's twists and turns are chance rather than planning. The friends you happen to meet and choose to stick with. The quality of your education and eventual academic success. The job you end up in. The partner you happen across is invariably chance. The home you end up living in depends largely on what's available at the time.. Your health has a big element of chance and in our particular case, the health of your offspring. Your eventual wealth too, is frequently dependent on the fortune of others. You can not not expect life to be a calm experience, it will inevitably have it's ups and downs and rather than feeling victimised, you have to simply accept it as part of the whole rich experience.

I do believe earlier generations were better prepared for those inevitable challenges but there's little doubt that modern life is throwing up new uncertainties such as short-term relationships, job security and the environment, which are adding to those stresses. As with the political scene, I condemn a selfish media, solely driven by profit and displaying little support for strenghthening social cohesion.

I'm fairly convinced that my generation have enjoyed the best period of all.

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Re: Musings

#410345

Postby Itsallaguess » May 8th, 2021, 7:35 pm

Sussexlad wrote:
I suspect most of life's twists and turns are chance rather than planning.


It would be a real shame if we couldn't plan or work hard to influence things at least a bit though, don't you think?

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

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Re: Musings

#410346

Postby AleisterCrowley » May 8th, 2021, 7:39 pm

Sunnypad wrote:...
at 45 [time] mostly seems to go quite slowly still. Anyone at the same sort of age who finds that? There are some lovely days that go by really fast but they are a rarity rather than a norm.

:

I do find days drag occasionally but at my age (55) the years seem to fly by, which is worrying.
My 20s lasted forever, my 30s almost as long, but 40 to 50 seemed like a few years.

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Re: Musings

#410354

Postby Sunnypad » May 8th, 2021, 8:05 pm

Sussex lad "I'm fairly convinced that my generation have enjoyed the best period of all."

That's very interesting. A friend's father, in his 60s at the time, made the same comment. He meant it particularly with regards to property prices, lack of job security and the long hours culture my friend and I were stuck in at the time.

I think it's a problem that actual news is hard to find. I rarely seek it out out. Hyperbole and hysteria abound but if I hear of something and I wish to know more, I try to go the source.

For me, another bonus of getting older is I care much less about what's going on in the world, and also am more realistic about any role I might have. This doesn't seem to be socially acceptable but hey ho.

Itsallaguess - I think some things can be planned, sure. But maybe they are the smaller things.

Aleister - I've had different periods of life that seem to go at different rates. I have been accused of wishing my life away but I just like it when time goes fast. So hopefully I have that to look forward to! Does Thelema not have secret ways to make dull days go faster? :lol:

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Re: Musings

#410368

Postby AleisterCrowley » May 8th, 2021, 8:37 pm

Sunnypad wrote:Aleister - I've had different periods of life that seem to go at different rates. I have been accused of wishing my life away but I just like it when time goes fast. So hopefully I have that to look forward to! Does Thelema not have secret ways to make dull days go faster? :lol:


Time flies when you're sacrificing a goat

(not that I do as I'm an animal lover - I uses a tofu goat substitute. Makes less noise)

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Re: Musings

#410370

Postby Sussexlad » May 8th, 2021, 8:40 pm

Itsallaguess wrote:
Sussexlad wrote:
I suspect most of life's twists and turns are chance rather than planning.


It would be a real shame if we couldn't plan or work hard to influence things at least a bit though, don't you think?

Cheers,

Itsallaguess


Yes of course there are things you can plan but there's no guarantee they will work out, life's just not like that. I wont go into detail but a very early brief romantic encounter has shaped my entire life. Similarly, a neighbuor got divorced a couple of years ago, has now met an American on line. He's now here, they're married and moving soon to a very posh house. Let's all hope it does all go to plan ! :-)

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Re: Musings

#410371

Postby AleisterCrowley » May 8th, 2021, 8:43 pm

I was thinking earlier about how random my last long term (13 year) relationship was!
It started with an article in an old Time Out I was reading - probably on the train back to Sussex...

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Re: Musings

#410374

Postby Sunnypad » May 8th, 2021, 8:53 pm

AleisterCrowley wrote:I was thinking earlier about how random my last long term (13 year) relationship was!
It started with an article in an old Time Out I was reading - probably on the train back to Sussex...


Interesting! Do you remember what the article was about?

13 years is a long time, I've done 13 months. That was a long time for me!

Some bits of the past seem like a different planet, not just another country. For me, relationships is/are? one such part. I think that's another link to societal expectation, I think I thought I'd want a partner because that's what the world told me.

It's a shame I didn't put a stop to it all earlier in a way. Though the last one was a client and that definitely made work more interesting :lol:

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Re: Musings

#410376

Postby AleisterCrowley » May 8th, 2021, 9:02 pm

Oh yes - it was an article about 'forgotten areas of London' or something along those lines.
I was staying with a friend in Sussex at the time, having started working for a company based in Southwark SE1
I was looking for a London flat/bedsit, and this Time Out article mentioned Crouch End - which was apparently a bit odd/bohemian. I thought- ' hmm sounds like my sort of place'
I'd already looked at some pits in Battersea and 'West Hampstead' (Kilburn) but turned my attention to anything in N8....

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Re: Musings

#410381

Postby Sunnypad » May 8th, 2021, 9:19 pm

AleisterCrowley wrote:Oh yes - it was an article about 'forgotten areas of London' or something along those lines.
I was staying with a friend in Sussex at the time, having started working for a company based in Southwark SE1
I was looking for a London flat/bedsit, and this Time Out article mentioned Crouch End - which was apparently a bit odd/bohemian. I thought- ' hmm sounds like my sort of place'
I'd already looked at some pits in Battersea and 'West Hampstead' (Kilburn) but turned my attention to anything in N8....


Funny, I wouldn't have thought of Crouch End as "forgotten" 13 years ago.

I think we might have met at a London Fool do, is that possible? A pub near Warren Street? I might be misremembering.

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Re: Musings

#410390

Postby AleisterCrowley » May 8th, 2021, 9:49 pm

No it wasn't 13 years ago - I moved to N8 in 1993, but the resulting 'relationship' lasted 13 years..
Sadly I haven't experienced anything that has outlasted a year since then !!
The first socials I attended were at the Grafton Arms up in sort of Bloomsbury (Fitzrovia?) -so close to Warren St. I can't remember meeting you - but they were often a bit booze-clouded. I'm a tall,ugly bloke who looks like a psychopath (but who loves cats, and birds) Some people who met me are still receiving PTSD therapy.

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Re: Musings

#410396

Postby Sunnypad » May 8th, 2021, 10:05 pm

AleisterCrowley wrote:No it wasn't 13 years ago - I moved to N8 in 1993, but the resulting 'relationship' lasted 13 years..
Sadly I haven't experienced anything that has outlasted a year since then !!
The first socials I attended were at the Grafton Arms up in sort of Bloomsbury (Fitzrovia?) -so close to Warren St. I can't remember meeting you - but they were often a bit booze-clouded. I'm a tall,ugly bloke who looks like a psychopath (but who loves cats, and birds) Some people who met me are still receiving PTSD therapy.


D'oh, sorry, of course it wasn't 13 years ago

That's how well my brain is working today!

I don't recall anyone tall and ugly and I'm not convinced psychopaths have a particular look :lol:


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