The Lemon Fool
Posted: June 5th, 2022, 1:07 am
Two weeks ago I was 60. My daughter was 15 on the same day.
As luck would have it, and I'm talking about my luck and its direct association with my health, I managed to get Covid 19, 2 weeks before our joint birthday. I didn't test negative until 3 days before our birthday. After which I was still coughing, too a point of almost passing out and also feeling some significant post viral fatigue. And my luck didn't quite stop there. On Monday (7th June) I have some tests at Sheffield sleep clinic over two days. Ahead of that I've had to come off my "wake up medication". I have been wiped out. I've been worse than exhausted.
My Mum passed away in early December last year and my sibling has decided she doesn't like Mum's will and is, and please forgive me, playing at silly greedy devils. Our brand new carpet in the lounge has been damaged by an air freshener and the supermarket we purchased it from are being complete silly obnoxious devils. I've a little letter to complete to HMRC as they owe me about £15K and after 8 years of them playing at silly omnipotent devils I am quite worn out. We've had furniture delivered which was not fit to put in the garden as bird houses so it was sent back. Two weeks later the £1,450 is not back in our account. What a wonderful surprise. On the upside the Funeral Directors have, after two months of playing at silly, greedy devils put £2,000 back in Mums account. I've not left it there. I've escalated.
Over the last week I've started to get a little frustrated as I want to get jobs around the house done and don't have the energy. Hopefully when I go back on my "wake up meds" on Wednesday life will seem a little easier.
None of the above is of any real importance though. It's "noise" and I need to man up and deal with it. [expletive deleted] happens.
I'm disappointed. I think I'm disappointed with myself. Because I think my values aren't realistic. I thought TLF was a community, albeit small. I'm struggling to dovetail that with some of the "blunt" responses I see. Oh, before the angels appear, I know I can fight my own corner [very] more well than I need to. I try to understand other posters feelings. Stupid I know. I try to respond to each poster in a way that I think may communicate best with them. I know I'm probably over-thinking that too.
I'm trite - I know.
What is trust? How do we learn to trust? Trust is usually learned at a very early age when a baby is nurtured by kind caring parents. "The" baby learns to trust other human beings from its early interaction with its parents. Not all babies learn to trust. There is a breakdown in the process. It can be caused by the parents behaviours or some babies simply do not "learn" to trust. Later in life that becomes a heavy burden.
I struggle to trust. I can assure you it's not insecurity. It's way past that.
I'm not posting to ask you to sympathise with me. Come on, why would I do that? Nothing to gain for me on that score. I know many of you carry pains, be they emotional, financial, physical or mental. Those pains are just as important as anyone else's.
I can't always be kind. I can't always be silent when I should be. I can't always be perfect. I can't always be tolerant. I can't be angelic, never. I can only ever be human. But sometimes I do feel as if that's just not quite enough. TLF is a special place for me. Some of you may share that feeling.
AiY(D)
As luck would have it, and I'm talking about my luck and its direct association with my health, I managed to get Covid 19, 2 weeks before our joint birthday. I didn't test negative until 3 days before our birthday. After which I was still coughing, too a point of almost passing out and also feeling some significant post viral fatigue. And my luck didn't quite stop there. On Monday (7th June) I have some tests at Sheffield sleep clinic over two days. Ahead of that I've had to come off my "wake up medication". I have been wiped out. I've been worse than exhausted.
My Mum passed away in early December last year and my sibling has decided she doesn't like Mum's will and is, and please forgive me, playing at silly greedy devils. Our brand new carpet in the lounge has been damaged by an air freshener and the supermarket we purchased it from are being complete silly obnoxious devils. I've a little letter to complete to HMRC as they owe me about £15K and after 8 years of them playing at silly omnipotent devils I am quite worn out. We've had furniture delivered which was not fit to put in the garden as bird houses so it was sent back. Two weeks later the £1,450 is not back in our account. What a wonderful surprise. On the upside the Funeral Directors have, after two months of playing at silly, greedy devils put £2,000 back in Mums account. I've not left it there. I've escalated.
Over the last week I've started to get a little frustrated as I want to get jobs around the house done and don't have the energy. Hopefully when I go back on my "wake up meds" on Wednesday life will seem a little easier.
None of the above is of any real importance though. It's "noise" and I need to man up and deal with it. [expletive deleted] happens.
I'm disappointed. I think I'm disappointed with myself. Because I think my values aren't realistic. I thought TLF was a community, albeit small. I'm struggling to dovetail that with some of the "blunt" responses I see. Oh, before the angels appear, I know I can fight my own corner [very] more well than I need to. I try to understand other posters feelings. Stupid I know. I try to respond to each poster in a way that I think may communicate best with them. I know I'm probably over-thinking that too.
I'm trite - I know.
What is trust? How do we learn to trust? Trust is usually learned at a very early age when a baby is nurtured by kind caring parents. "The" baby learns to trust other human beings from its early interaction with its parents. Not all babies learn to trust. There is a breakdown in the process. It can be caused by the parents behaviours or some babies simply do not "learn" to trust. Later in life that becomes a heavy burden.
I struggle to trust. I can assure you it's not insecurity. It's way past that.
I'm not posting to ask you to sympathise with me. Come on, why would I do that? Nothing to gain for me on that score. I know many of you carry pains, be they emotional, financial, physical or mental. Those pains are just as important as anyone else's.
I can't always be kind. I can't always be silent when I should be. I can't always be perfect. I can't always be tolerant. I can't be angelic, never. I can only ever be human. But sometimes I do feel as if that's just not quite enough. TLF is a special place for me. Some of you may share that feeling.
AiY(D)