Strictly - politicians voted out week?

[zico]

It’s Lockdown night, but Boris Johnson misses his time slot to tell us about it, so the BBC shove him off after a bit so we can watch more important stuff such as Strictly. Also Halloween, but Tess tells us they won’t be doing a Halloween theme tonight. Why ever not?

Max & Diane (Jive). Max isn’t completely terrified like last week, but still looks pretty nervous and watches Diane constantly, song should have been “Can’t take my eyes off you”. On the positive side of things, he’s on time, but a bit flat-footed and tentative. Judges say it was OK. Claudia tells him “no offence” (so offence is coming) “we know you’ve never danced before, we’ve seen your Wanted videos!” Ooh, bit sharp. 6,7,7 for 20 points.

Clara & Aljaz (Viennese Waltz). This is a rather Halloweeny number, with dramatic costumes and dance. Aljaz is Draculaing it up a bit, and Clara has intensity to match the mood of the dance. This is good stuff and I enjoyed it, but unfortunately the judges didn’t. Craig tells her she has a loose frame. 5,6,6 for 17 points.

Bill & Oti (Quickstep). Music for this is “talk to the animals” which is a good excuse to get some Poundland animatronic animals on the set, monkeys, alligators, elephants plus a fly-by from a toucan on a wire. Bill is surprisingly good in this, light on his feet, and has a natty waistcoat. All very pleasant. Shirley tells him he’s made a vast improvement from last week, in a similar theme, Motsi says she’s really surprised at his performance (subtext – I thought you’d be rubbish). 8,8,8 for 24 points which gets Oti very excited indeed.

JJ & Amy (Paso doble). JJ talks about how difficult this will be for him with his disabilities and doesn't appear to be looking forward to it at all. Appreciate he’s had a really tough time with injuries, but he’s certainly the contestant least likely to be confused with a ray of sunshine. For his serious paso face he’s channelling the guy from Sparks (You have to be aged over 45 to get this reference). Judges dole out a smidgen of faint praise and scores of 5,5,6 for 17 points, which puts him into a mood and Amy has to jolly him along by saying how great he is.

Jamie & Karen (American Smooth). Jamie reminds me of a more likeable young Boris. He’s certainly enjoying himself, though his posture isn’t up to much and he seems to have no neck. His dancing is strangely enjoyable to watch though. Craig tells him how bad his ballroom sections were, but liked his showmanship. 5,6,6 for 17 points.

Maisie & Gorka (Tango). You can tell from the first few seconds of her dance that Maisie is this year’s obvious ringer and she gives a strong powerful performance in a dramatic tango. Really enjoyed that. So did the judges. 8,9,8 for 25 points as for once, Motsi doesn’t give the highest judges score.

Jacqui & Anton (Samba – or Saaarrrmmmba, as everyone on the show calls it). You wouldn’t really expect Jacqui and the samba to get on well, and they don’t. She and Anton waft some giant feathers about and she spends the second half of the dance on a swing while Anton does comedy samba. All the best bits are where she isn’t moving her feet. Tough dance to give one of the oldest contestants – I reckon they want her out. Shirley and Motsi try to be nice saying she tried hard considering she’s never danced and is god-awful at it. Craig thought she’d ruptured her Achilles tendon due to the way she was limping around the dance floor, which is a mean even for Craig (boo!), and he follows that up with an equally cruel 2, as if otherwise she might be in line for an undeserved first place. 5’s from Shirley & Motsi for 12 points.

HRVY & JNTT (Viennese Waltz). This is cute and competent and not that dull, with HRVY looking about 12 years old in his old-fashioned brown suit which puts me in mind of a Hitler Youth kid in civvies. Craig has some minor quibbles, but is generally happy. 7,8,9 for 24 points.

Ranvir & Giovanni (Quickstep). Ranvir has to play a very different character this week and does it convincingly. Ranvir is a natural performer and this looks pretty good to me, but Craig says there were quite a few messy bits, and I’m sure he’s right. Shirley likes Ranvir’s frame. 6,7,8 for 21 points.

Nicola & Katya (Couple’s Choice). The dreaded (by me) couple’s choice is telling the entire story of Nicola’s life through the media of running about with floaty chiffon flags. I actually enjoyed this more than most couple’s choices, admittedly a very low bar, and Nicola’s energy and enthusiasm are nice to watch. Craig says he did see Nicola’s entire life story flashing before his eyes, with the consummate story-telling. Me, not so much. 8,8,8 for 24 points.

Caroline & Johannes (Paso). This is an ideal dance for Johannes as it allows him to take centre stage on his own and show off for a bit, before having to share the limelight with Caroline. I was expecting this to be really good from Caroline, but it was just quite nice. Shirley also thinks it was quite nice and advises Caroline to shed a few inhibitions and just enjoy the dance more. 7,7,7 for 21 points.

Jason & Luba (Salsa). I was expecting this to be TOTALLY AWESOME, but it wasn’t. A few good bits, but not very polished. I don’t think Jason has put a lot of hours into this routine, and is relying on dazzling us with his teeth so we can’t see his footwork. Brightest thing here was their fluorescent yellow outfits. Craig calls it stompy, and says there was no hip action or fluidity. Motsi tells him she can see which bits of the routine he liked, and the bits where he wasn’t so keen. Jason tells us he had SO MUCH FUN and it was SO AMAZING, so I am so glad he so enjoyed himself. So 6,6,6 for 18 points.

HRVY is top and Jacqui is bottom. I’ve no idea who’ll be in the bottom two, because Anton’s fanbase should save him. Wouldn’t be surprised to get a couple of surprise visitors in the first results show, maybe Clara and Caroline.

Results Show

Scary Halloweeny group dance with Janette taking centre stage dressed like the girl in the Thriller video, and being dance-menaced by a grisly gaggle of gyrating ghouls and goolies before being imprisoned in their twilight world, which could easily give nightmares to a few little kids.

Tess is going for the Essex clubbing little black dress, while Claudia appears to have borrowed Peter Crouch’s disco pants. They inform us that nobody wants to be the first to leave. Time for scary music and results, with Jamie being the first in the bottom two, which he takes with good grace.

Musical interlude courtesy of Sam Smith who either has appalling diction, is singing in an unfamiliar language, or forgot to write proper lyrics and is just making up words as he goes. The only thing I can make out is that it’s a sad song, as is usually the case with our Sam.

For the Len’s Lens corner our three judges are joined by Bruno on videolink from LA. He’s finally run out of Grecian 2000 and has gone for the silver fox look which quite suits him. He’s also got a silver suit, white shirt, gold medallion, deep tan and doesn’t look to be missing Elstree one bit.

More results now, and Clara is looking the most miserable and tense person ever as all the celebs around her go through. Jamie’s prayers are answered as Jacqui joins him in the dance-off. An unimaginative choice by the viewers who picked the two worst dancers, and it means we have to see the two worst dances again before it’s over to the judges to agonise over their tough decision throw Jacqui out for being obviously the worst. Thankfully Jacqui isn't an American politician, otherwise she'd be complaining about totally rigged ballots, demanding recounts, and would refuse to leave the show until Christmas.