Strictly - movie week

[zico]

We start with a James Bond tribute routine from our pro dancers, where no expense has been spared, including driving all the way down to Clacton for a 2 second shot of Gorka emerging from the North Sea in just his speedos and a million goosebumps. Back to the studio where Tess is wearing an extremely bright red dress, Shirley has come as a Southern Belle, while Motsi has skinned a zebra and arranged it roughly in front of herself, rather than actually wearing it. Motsi is developing a definite theme of wearing dresses that aren’t people-shaped, just large lumps of material that she wraps around herself.

Nicola & Katya (Jive). They are a pair of glittery mechanics dancing to Greased Lightning. Nicola has good timing, a fair bit of energy, and zero musicality, but it’s quite fun. Judges aren’t too impressed and it’s 6,7,6 for 19 points.

Maisie & Gorka (American Smooth). Maisie is dressed as Disney princess Elsa from Frozen 2 (so song isn’t Let It Go) only with much taller hair than the cartoon character. We know she’s not going to mess anything up, but it’s all rather dull. Judges get picky about her footwork, but the scores are a lot better than the comments. 8,7,9 for 24 points.

Caroline & Johannes (Couple’s Choice). As it’s movie week, Caroline wants to do musical theatre. We hear way too much about how much Caroline loves the theatre. They’re dancing to “Everything’s Coming Up Roses” from the musical Gypsy. Good start from Caroline, striding on and giving us her best Brooklyn accent, but then the dancing starts. This is a high-energy song, but Caroline’s dance certainly isn’t. Not so much half-hearted as quarter-hearted. Caroline clearly thinks she’s a huge treat as she wafts over to hear the judges praise her to the skies, but she gets a major sulk on when the judges are underwhelmed. Shirley says she wants to see improvement from week to week, and says this was just a little teeny-wenny bit better. Motsi praises Caroline's speaking intro, which says it all really. 6,7,8 for 21 points. Caroline is coming across as a huge luvvie and the celeb you’d least like to be stuck in a lift with.

Jason & Luba (Paso). I think Jason has a Robin Hood costume, but apparently not, he’s a Star Wars character. Luba is the only person in the known universe who has never heard of Star Wars so Jason has to explain what it’s all about – light-sabres, money, merchandising, repeat ad infinitum/nauseum. They dance to the Star Wars theme which is just a 10 seconds long theme repeated again and again and again. It’s totally unsuitable music for a paso, but then Jason is a totally unsuitable person for a paso, and this is just a hot mess. Luba seems disengaged as well. I don’t get the feeling that Jason is spending much time in rehearsal, or caring too much about whether or not it’s any good. Shirley tries hard to comment without using the word “rubbish” and Craig says it was dancing by numbers. Judges give 3,4,5 for 12 points, sadly missing a glorious opportunity to each give 4 points so Claudia can say “May the fours be with you”.

JJ & Amy (Foxtrot). Song is “Raindrops keep falling on my head” and JJ is pretending to be Robert Redford (or maybe the other one) and is wearing a bowler hat and an odd expression. He does actually get into some sort of character for this dance, has some nice movement, and almost seems to be enjoying himself. That was surprisingly good. Judges go absolutely overboard with praise and their marks, giving him three 8’s for 24 points.

HRVY & JNTT (CH-CH). They are dressed as gnomes for this and HRVY tries his best, but gnomes doing latin dances just looks weird and not right. Janette must be heartily sick of being dressed as gnomes, trolls, leprechauns, dwarves, elfs, Smurfs and any other diminutive character. They should just tattoo “Small Person” on her tiny little forehead and have done with it. At least with Covid restrictions this year, Janette doesn't have to put up with Tess towering over her and saying "Ooh, how little, cute, sweet and adorable you are". Judges aren’t impressed and Shirley harrumphs about lack of basic cha-cha content. 6,7,8 for 21 points.

Ranvir & Giovanni (Foxtrot). This is a proper foxtrot, and Ranvir has a great slinky blue dress to give some old-fashioned elegance. They’re really dancing as one here, and this looks like the best dance yet for this series. It all looks effortless, which usually means there’s a lot of effort gone in to make it look easy. Ranvir is very versatile, producing a different character for each dance. Judges are very happy and Craig just says his first Fab-u-lous. 9,9,9 for 27 points.

Jamie & Karen (Charleston). Jamie is dressed up as cartoon Hercules and milks the part for all it’s worth, giving people a laugh, but you really can’t say it’s decent dancing. Jamie manages to be irritating, amusing and likeable, sometimes all 3 at once. Good bit at the end where he lifts Karen onto his shoulders, then seems to forget about her, and she ends up sprawled on the floor. Lots of laughter amongst the judges who use words like OMG and LOL. 7,8,8 for 23 points which is outrageous overmarking unless you get bonus points for being funny. Jamie celebrates by lifting Karen up again, but again he forgets about her, and she has another undignified tumble on the floor. Would dearly love to see what she’s like with Jamie once the cameras turn away. Their discussion would probably involve detailing unpleasant consequences to Jamie if he ever, ever, ever drops her again.

Clara & Aljaz (Tango). They're dancing to a Moulin Rouge song and Clara certainly looks the part, with Aljaz done up as a camp ringmaster. Clara has a loose style all her own, which is definitely not sharp and staccato, but works quite well for this routine, with a fair bit of drama and attack. Aljaz has thrown in lots of disco moves to play to Clara’s strengths. Enjoyed that. Craig didn’t like the Disco Tango, but Shirley praises Clara’s improved frame. 7,6,7 for 20 points, and 3 whole points fewer than Jamie’s larking about. Time to demand a recount. I'm getting the distinct feeling that Clara isn't the judges' pet.

Max & Dianne (Couple's choice). Oh joy, two couple’s choice dances in one programme. This one is based on the Simpsons. They both have terrible costumes, with a fat suit strapped onto Max who also has a bald wig. But that’s not the worst thing here. Oh no. The actual dance is the worst thing. It's just horrible, like watching a really bad bit of Play School, with all sorts of broken up bit-and-pieces nonsense going on, and strange expressions from Max. There's even a segment where they wear inflatable rubber rings. That was just embarrassing to watch. What were they thinking? Judges are a bit nonplussed, with Craig describing it as Street Charleston, and says people will either love it or hate it - he's right therre. Judges decide that even though they didn’t know what was happening, it was done well. Max’s strange expression appears to have been stapled on because it doesn’t change even when he’s talking to Claudia. 8,8,8 for 24 points so Clara is outscored yet again.

Bill & Oti (Paso). Dancing to theme from the Good, Bad and the Ugly. Oti looks great in cowboy dance gear and Bill keeps up manfully. Very entertaining stuff. Bill is steadily improving. Judges are pleasantly surprised and hand out huge scores - 8,9,9 for 26 points to put Bill second behind Ranvir. With these scores, I'm not sure whether they are marking Bill's performance or Oti's.

Some very strange and inconsistent scoring from our judges, and surprisingly high scores for so early in the series. Viewers seem to be following judges’ scores this year, so it’ll be Nicola and Jason in the bottom two. Motsi’s scoring is getting a bit silly, with a 50% chance of getting 9 points for any celeb that doesn’t fall over, and oh my goodness, wouldn't it be great if she could stop saying “Oh my goodness”.

RESULTS SHOW

We start with a Vera Lynn tribute danced on top of the white cliffs of Dover. Shirley has pinched one of Tess’s one-shoulder numbers. Jamie is first through and is very pleased about it, and also very loud. Nicola is first in the bottom two, a bit of a surprise as I thought she’d have had more of a following in the gay community. Then more results and it’s Jason in the bottom two, so Nicola is safe as houses.

In the dance-off, both celebs do quite a bit better than first time round, but it’s no contest and Jason is out. If he’s shattered by the decision, he’s hiding it very well. I wonder he may not have realised when he signed up how tough the Covid restrictions would be, and is relieved to be out.

Shaping up to be a fight for the Glitterball between HRVY, Ranvir and Bill. Maisie is probably the best dancer, but also a colossal ringer, so she’ll be in the final, but won’t win.