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Peak

Laughter is the best medicine, find and post jokes. nothing too saucy please, Dad jokes, Current news jokes..
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brightncheerful
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Peak

#328259

Postby brightncheerful » July 23rd, 2020, 5:57 pm

I’ve just finished building a model of Mount Everest.

My mate asked “Is it to scale?”

“No” I replied, “It’s to look at”

Mike4
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Re: Peak

#328260

Postby Mike4 » July 23rd, 2020, 6:12 pm

My wife is going on holiday to the Caribbean.

My mate asked "Jamaica?"

I said "no, she decided without even asking me".

stewamax
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Re: Peak

#328374

Postby stewamax » July 24th, 2020, 9:18 am

Mike4 wrote:My wife is going on holiday to the Caribbean.
My mate asked "Jamaica?"
I said "no, she decided without even asking me".

My mate then asked "Genoa"?
I said "Not really, even though we've been married for 20 years"

brightncheerful
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Re: Peak

#328482

Postby brightncheerful » July 24th, 2020, 4:13 pm

Where's your wife going on holiday this year?

Alaska.

No, it's okay I'll ask her myself.

Arizona11
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Re: Peak

#328814

Postby Arizona11 » July 26th, 2020, 3:52 pm

My Wi-Fi is going to Spain to get her wonky nose fixed by a doctor.

Andalucia?

No, just her wonky nose.

Mike4
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Re: Peak

#328863

Postby Mike4 » July 26th, 2020, 10:32 pm

Arizona11 wrote:My Wi-Fi is going to Spain to get her wonky nose fixed by a doctor.


Your WHAT?!



Thruppennybit
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Re: Peak

#328897

Postby Thruppennybit » July 27th, 2020, 8:32 am

Seems appropriate to post this old one, even if it is thwack-worthy:

A guy texts his neighbour "I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: "Damn autocorrect! I meant "wi-fi", not "wife" "

stevensfo
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Re: Peak

#329236

Postby stevensfo » July 28th, 2020, 5:41 pm

Mike4 wrote:My wife is going on holiday to the Caribbean.

My mate asked "Jamaica?"

I said "no, she decided without even asking me".


Although before I was out of nappies, that joke was already so well known that they even made fun of it in the 1960s in At last the 1948 show with Tim Brooke Taylor and John Cleese, where they assume that everyone knows the joke, so take it further. I have the mp3 somewhere.

As a Barrister, John Cleese states "M'Lord, my client is here to clear his name, .......... and I am here for the money." :)

Steve

Arizona11
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Re: Peak

#330164

Postby Arizona11 » August 1st, 2020, 1:17 pm

Should read “my wife” not “My Wi-fi”. Damned autocorrect!


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