Quotes

[laladonny]

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refused to be English.
- Winston Churchill

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
- Steven Wright

"You can't go to a public pool and splash around any more. Everyone is swimming laps now. Some guy jumped in behind me and said, "How long you gonna be using this lane, dude?" And I said, "Until my bladder's empty, punk."
- Tommy Sledge

"Orville Wright said to his brother, Wilbur, 'You were only in the air for twelve seconds. How could your luggage be in Cleveland?'"
- Red Buttons

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
- Woody Allen

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

"A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you."
- Jay Leno

"I feel like I'm in a rut. Every time I go to bed at night, I find myself just getting up again in the morning."
- Brad Stine

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
- Marty Feldman

Following the Vatican declaration that women cannot become priests because they do not resemble Christ, sources reported that Colonel Sanders declared that he would not employ anyone who didn't resemble a chicken.
- Jane Curtin

"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
- Spike Milligan

"My wife keeps telling me I shouldn't eat cookies for breakfast because too much sugar in the morning makes me irritable. I don't know why she can't get it through her thick skull that cookie dough isn't cookies."
- Dave Brennan

[bungeejumper]

"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."

Which reminds me of the old medical advice that you should never put anything in your ear if it's smaller than your elbow.

Liked the dog IQ one.

BJ