The Talking Dog

[mannannan]

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid," the owner says.

"£10!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying bugger, he's never been out of the garden."

[GrahamPlatt]

A ventriloquist was stopping at a farmhouse B&B. Strolling around he met the farmer himself, at the stables with his dog. “Hello there, said the ventriloquist to the dog, do you like it here?” To which the dog replied, “Oh, it’s great! I love it here. Plenty of space to run around and the work’s right up my street”. Needless to say, the farmer was shocked, moreso when the horse, who was looking over his stable door also chipped in. “It’s true what the dog says, it’s a good living here. We’re very well cared for”. Again the farmer was amazed. Just then a sheep pushed its head through the fence. The farmer quickly grabbed his guest, leading him away saying “Now don’t you go listening to that lying sheep”.

[monabri]

In Wales?

[jfgw]

I asked a Welsh farmer once how many sex partners he had had. He started to count them and fell asleep.

Julian F. G. W.