The Lemon Fool

I’ve just finished building a model of Mount Everest.

My mate asked “Is it to scale?”

“No” I replied, “It’s to look at”

My wife is going on holiday to the Caribbean.

My mate asked "Jamaica?"

I said "no, she decided without even asking me".

Mike4 wrote:My wife is going on holiday to the Caribbean.
My mate asked "Jamaica?"
I said "no, she decided without even asking me".

My mate then asked "Genoa"?
I said "Not really, even though we've been married for 20 years"

Where's your wife going on holiday this year?

Alaska.

No, it's okay I'll ask her myself.

My Wi-Fi is going to Spain to get her wonky nose fixed by a doctor.

Andalucia?

No, just her wonky nose.

Arizona11 wrote:My Wi-Fi is going to Spain to get her wonky nose fixed by a doctor.

Your WHAT?!

Seems appropriate to post this old one, even if it is thwack-worthy:

A guy texts his neighbour "I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: "Damn autocorrect! I meant "wi-fi", not "wife" "

Mike4 wrote:My wife is going on holiday to the Caribbean.

My mate asked "Jamaica?"

I said "no, she decided without even asking me".

Although before I was out of nappies, that joke was already so well known that they even made fun of it in the 1960s in At last the 1948 show with Tim Brooke Taylor and John Cleese, where they assume that everyone knows the joke, so take it further. I have the mp3 somewhere.

As a Barrister, John Cleese states "M'Lord, my client is here to clear his name, .......... and I am here for the money."

Steve

Should read “my wife” not “My Wi-fi”. Damned autocorrect!