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Burning questions

Laughter is the best medicine, find and post jokes. nothing too saucy please, Dad jokes, Current news jokes..
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laladonny
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Burning questions

#339346

Postby laladonny » September 10th, 2020, 1:00 am

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, "My name is Ron, and I am an alcoholic?"

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp that no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

jfgw
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Re: Burning questions

#339371

Postby jfgw » September 10th, 2020, 8:44 am

laladonny wrote:Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, "My name is Ron, and I am an alcoholic?"

I'm not sure. Members used to hide their identities in the thick clouds of smoke from the cigarettes that they had started smoking since giving up alcohol but that probably isn't allowed any more.

laladonny wrote:Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

I don't have a gyneocologist.

laladonny wrote:If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

Not if it contains minerals.

laladonny wrote:Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

They can't keep it closed long enough.

laladonny wrote:Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

I thought they were called "Steps" wherever they performed.

laladonny wrote:Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

It is sold in plastic bottles containing horrible chemicals that leach into the water over time.

laladonny wrote:Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp that no one would eat?

For toasting waffles.

laladonny wrote:Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Yes, it is just how they kiss normally over there.

laladonny wrote:Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

Probably some complete pervert who, today, would be locked up for several years on a charge of bestiality and have to sign a sex offender's register.

laladonny wrote:What do people in China call their good plates?

Porcelain.

laladonny wrote:Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

Yes. The law does not always recognise common sense or logic.


HTH,

Julian F. G. W.

stewamax
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Re: Burning questions

#339399

Postby stewamax » September 10th, 2020, 10:33 am

In May, a homeless man Sultan Monsour was charged with being outside his home “without reasonable excuse” during a CORVID lockdown.

And re "Is French kissing in France just called kissing?" beware: in French un baiser [noun] is a kiss but baiser [slang verb] means to f*ck. A French kiss [noun] is actually un baiser amoureux, but this doesn't apply to the verb since it is assumed that all such (consensual) activities are amoureux

ReformedCharacter
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Re: Burning questions

#339401

Postby ReformedCharacter » September 10th, 2020, 10:41 am

stewamax wrote:In May, a homeless man Sultan Monsour was charged with being outside his home “without reasonable excuse” during a CORVID lockdown.


CORVID = Crow family, COVID = Coronavirus

RC

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Re: Burning questions

#339438

Postby bungeejumper » September 10th, 2020, 12:37 pm

laladonny wrote:Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

The same reason you chew a pencil when you're trying to solve a problem. Or why children stick their tongues out to one side when they're really concentrating. There's no accounting for the taste/smell/brain relationship.

It also explains why, after you shake hands with somebody, you'll sniff your hand within the next 30 seconds. Oh yes you will! (Unless you're a politician or some kind of professional greeter.) Mind you, in the age of Covid, you probably couldn't smell your hand anyway, even if you were stupid enough to do the handshake in the first place. :|

You have not been charged for this essential but curiously useless information. Aye thang yew.

BJ

Mike4
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Re: Burning questions

#339444

Postby Mike4 » September 10th, 2020, 12:56 pm

stewamax wrote:In May, a homeless man Sultan Monsour was charged with being outside his home “without reasonable excuse” during a CORVID lockdown.


Stone the crows, really??!

Mike4
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Re: Burning questions

#339447

Postby Mike4 » September 10th, 2020, 1:01 pm

laladonny wrote:Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?


Someone less gallant than me might suggest the question stands whatever the activity! But I would never make such a suggestion....

stewamax
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Re: Burning questions

#339467

Postby stewamax » September 10th, 2020, 2:21 pm

Mike4 wrote:
stewamax wrote:....during a CORVID lockdown.

Stone the crows, really??!

There is an R and and an E in the month; if not I would just be an ass...

brightncheerful
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Re: Burning questions

#339751

Postby brightncheerful » September 11th, 2020, 7:12 pm

etymology:

Stair is Old English stæger "stair, flight of steps, staircase," from Proto-Germanic *staigri (source also of Middle Dutch stegher, Dutch steiger "a stair, step, quay, pier, scaffold;" German Steig "path," Old English stig "narrow path"), from PIE *steigh- "go, rise, stride, step, walk" (source also of Greek steikhein "to go, march in order," stikhos "row, line, rank, verse;" Sanskrit stighnoti "mounts, rises, steps;" Old Church Slavonic stignati "to overtake," stigna "place;" Lithuanian staiga "suddenly;" Old Irish tiagaim "I walk;" Welsh taith "going, walk, way").

Step (n) is Old English steppa (Mercian), stæpe, stepe (West Saxon) "stair, act of stepping," from the source of step (v). Old English steppan (Anglian), stæppan (West Saxon) "take a step," from West Germanic *stap- "tread" (source also of Old Frisian stapa, Middle Dutch, Dutch stappen, Old High German stapfon, German stapfen "step"), from PIE root *stebh- "post, stem; to support, place firmly on" (see staff (n.); source also of Old Church Slavonic stopa "step, pace," stepeni "step, degree"). The notion is perhaps "a treading firmly on; a foothold."

--

On the stairway to heaven, would you experience every step of the way?

Does a step-daughter wearing stockings get step-ladders?

brightncheerful
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Re: Burning questions

#339755

Postby brightncheerful » September 11th, 2020, 7:38 pm

Some more burning questions:

Why when a person washes their hands do they sing Happy Birthday?

Why does a tenant pleading a rent reduction get stroppy when told they're begging?

Why do people chatter during the adverts at the cinema?

Why in an otherwise empty car park does another car invariably park next to yours?

Why is a TV programme called a repeat if you've not seen it before?


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