Ha Ha

[Dod101]

Taken from the Times this morning

1. What do accountants do when they are constipated? They work it out with a pencil.

2. I'm very pleased with my new fridge magnet. So far I've got 12 fridges.

3. A jar of Omega 3 vitamins fell on my head when I opened the cupboard. I sustained super fish oil injuries.

4. A horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'Hey, why the long face?'

Dod

[Dod101]

In a reader's letter in today's Times.

'A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.'

Dod

[csearle]

'A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.'

This was one of my favoutite jokes for many decades. I like the shortness and cleverness of it. Cf. the dog in a zoo joke. C.

[Nimrod103]

'A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.'

This was one of my favoutite jokes for many decades. I like the shortness and cleverness of it. Cf. the dog in a zoo joke. C.

I like the way this gets a rec, even though the joke is not completed, because everybody knows the punchline.

Not a bit like:
An man's car breaks down outside a monastery, and he asks to stay for the night. At the evening meal the monks eat in silence until one monk stands up and says, "16".
The other monks all laugh heartily and then go back to eating their meal in silence.
A few minutes later another monk stands up and says "32", at which point all the monks collapse into gales of laughter. The Abbott laughs so much that tears run down his cheeks.
When everyone is eating again the visitor says to the Abbott, "I don't understand, father. Why do you all laugh when someone says a number?"
"Well," says the Abbott, "we all love jokes. But we are a closed community, and so all the jokes are well-known by everyone. To save time, we wrote the jokes down and gave each of them a number. So if one of us says a number we all remember the relevant joke."
The abbott then says "It's you turn", so the man reluctantly gets up and says the first number that comes into his head "64".
At first there is silence, but then all the monk burst out laughing louder than anything that had gone before.
The abbott turns to the man and says "That was really good. I hadn't heard that one before".

[panamagold]

1. What do accountants do when they are constipated? They work it out with a pencil.......or in logs.


The Abbot then says "It's you turn", so the man reluctantly gets up and says the first number that comes into his head "64".
Nothing, zilch, nada not even a titter or a smile.
The man turns to the Abbott and with a pained expression of anguish asks "Why not"?
The Abbot replies " My good man, humour and jokes are all about delivery and the way you tell them".

[Nimrod103]

This is the zoo with the dog (from today's Daily Mail):
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/articl ... d-age.html

[AsleepInYorkshire]

In a reader's letter in today's Times.

'A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.'

Dod

I found it hard to understand

AiY

[AsleepInYorkshire]

In a reader's letter in today's Times.

'A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.'

Dod

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks innuendo seminar

Looks like I'll have to fill her slot instead

AiY

[AsleepInYorkshire]

In a reader's letter in today's Times.

'A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.'

Dod

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks innuendo seminar

Looks like I'll have to fill her slot instead

AiY

Famous English Public House Sign
Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear

But my favourite

I’ve got to get Mrs Gimlet to Oldham and then I’m going to Bangor as fast as I can” – Viz comic

AiY

[DrFfybes]

Taken from the Times this morning

4. A horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'Hey, why the long face?'

Dod

A White Horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "we've got a drink named after you"
The horse syas "What, 'Eric'?"

A bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a pint of,

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.lager please"

The barman asked "why the big pause"

[brightncheerful]

A man walked into the pub and said to the barman "Guess what, I've just got back from visiting London and Birmingham".

The barman said "What the Dickens".

[Nimrod103]

A man walked into the pub and said to the barman "Guess what, I've just got back from visiting London and Birmingham".

The barman said "What the Dickens".

London and Paris surely?

[kempiejon]

"Do you like Dickens?"

Dunno I've never been to one.