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On the way home...

Laughter is the best medicine, find and post jokes. nothing too saucy please, Dad jokes, Current news jokes..
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Itsallaguess
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On the way home...

#408412

Postby Itsallaguess » April 30th, 2021, 9:24 pm

I phoned my wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins....

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: On the way home...

#408435

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » April 30th, 2021, 10:12 pm

Itsallaguess wrote:I phoned my wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins....

I know you live at Twin Faulty Towers but I think you may have gone two far with thisese one two

AiY

csearle
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Re: On the way home...

#408439

Postby csearle » April 30th, 2021, 10:19 pm

Itsallaguess wrote:I phoned my wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins....
I'd thwack this if the search function worked. C.

Mike4
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Re: On the way home...

#408441

Postby Mike4 » April 30th, 2021, 10:22 pm

Did you hear about the Spanish plumber who called his newborn twins Jose, and Hose B?

(This joke works much better spoken aloud.....)

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: On the way home...

#408443

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » April 30th, 2021, 10:24 pm

csearle wrote:
Itsallaguess wrote:I phoned my wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins....
I'd thwack this if the search function worked. C.

You don't need providence ... just thwack away :lol:

It was funny though ... even the fourth time round :lol:

AiY

Itsallaguess
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Re: On the way home...

#408444

Postby Itsallaguess » April 30th, 2021, 10:26 pm

csearle wrote:
I'd thwack this if the search function worked.


Hey - c'mon - if the search function worked, we'd be able to check!

OB joke 1 -

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their Mum only carries one baby photo in her wallet.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal...

OB joke 2 -

A woman is pregnant with twins when she gets into a car accident...

...she wakes up in the hospital and the doctor says her twins have already been delivered, a boy and a girl, but since she wasn't around to name them, they had to ask her brother to give them legal names.

The woman was worried, because her brother was a bit of an idiot...

"What did he name them?" she asked.

"He named the girl Denise," the doctor said.

"Oh, that's a nice name," she said in relief. "What did he name the boy?"

"Denephew..."

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: On the way home...

#408445

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » April 30th, 2021, 10:32 pm

Itsallaguess wrote:
csearle wrote:
I'd thwack this if the search function worked.


Hey - c'mon - if the search function worked, we'd be able to check!

OB joke 1 -

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their Mum only carries one baby photo in her wallet.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal...

OB joke 2 -

A woman is pregnant with twins when she gets into a car accident...

...she wakes up in the hospital and the doctor says her twins have already been delivered, a boy and a girl, but since she wasn't around to name them, they had to ask her brother to give them legal names.

The woman was worried, because her brother was a bit of an idiot...

"What did he name them?" she asked.

"He named the girl Denise," the doctor said.

"Oh, that's a nice name," she said in relief. "What did he name the boy?"

"Denephew..."

No please ... quit whilst you're ahead ;)

AiY

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: On the way home...

#408448

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » April 30th, 2021, 10:37 pm

What do you call twin policemen/women

Copies

I'm heading for the door

AiY

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: On the way home...

#408451

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » April 30th, 2021, 10:44 pm

AsleepInYorkshire wrote:What do you call twin policemen/women

Copies

I'm heading for the door

AiY

I found out the other day I have a long lost twin brother

I was beside myself

AiY

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: On the way home...

#408452

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » April 30th, 2021, 10:45 pm

My father was a conjoined twin. I always referred to his brother as "my uncle on my father's side."
But everything's ok now. They were able to surgically be separated. He's now "my uncle, once removed."

AiY

mc2fool
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Re: On the way home...

#408454

Postby mc2fool » April 30th, 2021, 10:49 pm

Itsallaguess wrote:I phoned my wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins....

Thwack! :D viewtopic.php?f=64&t=27791

mc2fool
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Re: On the way home...

#408455

Postby mc2fool » April 30th, 2021, 10:50 pm

Itsallaguess wrote:A woman is pregnant with twins when she gets into a car accident...

...she wakes up in the hospital and the doctor says her twins have already been delivered, a boy and a girl, but since she wasn't around to name them, they had to ask her brother to give them legal names.

The woman was worried, because her brother was a bit of an idiot...

"What did he name them?" she asked.

"He named the girl Denise," the doctor said.

"Oh, that's a nice name," she said in relief. "What did he name the boy?"

"Denephew..."

Thwack! :D viewtopic.php?f=64&t=27791#p385729

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: On the way home...

#408456

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » April 30th, 2021, 10:56 pm

mc2fool wrote:
Itsallaguess wrote:A woman is pregnant with twins when she gets into a car accident...

...she wakes up in the hospital and the doctor says her twins have already been delivered, a boy and a girl, but since she wasn't around to name them, they had to ask her brother to give them legal names.

The woman was worried, because her brother was a bit of an idiot...

"What did he name them?" she asked.

"He named the girl Denise," the doctor said.

"Oh, that's a nice name," she said in relief. "What did he name the boy?"

"Denephew..."

Thwack! :D viewtopic.php?f=64&t=27791#p385729

Boo ... haven't you heard the rules about thwacking? It's a disease, desist or decease

AiY

csearle
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Re: On the way home...

#408460

Postby csearle » April 30th, 2021, 11:09 pm

You've got to admire Itsallaguess's cuddly, thawackable nature! C.

AsleepInYorkshire
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Re: On the way home...

#408466

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » April 30th, 2021, 11:28 pm

csearle wrote:You've got to admire Itsallaguess's cuddly, thawackable nature! C.

Yup

AiY

Itsallaguess
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Re: On the way home...

#408479

Postby Itsallaguess » May 1st, 2021, 5:27 am

mc2fool wrote:
Thwack!


Spoilsport...

:O)

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

Itsallaguess
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Re: On the way home...

#408480

Postby Itsallaguess » May 1st, 2021, 5:32 am

My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed...

Itsallaguess
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Re: On the way home...

#408481

Postby Itsallaguess » May 1st, 2021, 5:34 am

I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

It was very hard to differentiate between them...

stevensfo
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Re: On the way home...

#408575

Postby stevensfo » May 1st, 2021, 1:39 pm

Talking of twins, I think I finally twigged that my mum didn't like me very much when she asked me to pop out to buy some balloons for my twin brother's surprise birthday party.


Steve


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