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Odds and ends

Laughter is the best medicine, find and post jokes. nothing too saucy please, Dad jokes, Current news jokes..
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laladonny
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Odds and ends

#408680

Postby laladonny » May 2nd, 2021, 1:06 am

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Snakes don't have arms, that's why they don't wear vests.

stevensfo
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Re: Odds and ends

#408756

Postby stevensfo » May 2nd, 2021, 1:12 pm

laladonny wrote:It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

Snakes don't have arms, that's why they don't wear vests.


It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I have to get this off my chest. I've worked in labs for most of my life and Room temp (RT) always meant exactly that. Until one place in London where I discovered in a very embarrassing way that all samples supposed to be kept at RT, had to be placed in a special lab kept at a constant 18'C. Nobody had told me. Deep down, I guess I often wondered about RT, since in various labs throughout they year, it could vary from almost freezing to over 30'C, depending on the heating, air con etc.

OB Joke:

"Hi young Johnny, why you digging that hole in your garden?"

"My goldfish is dead and I'm burying him."

"Oh, sorry. But why such a big hole?"

"Cos it's in your %^##!! cat!" ;)

Steve

AndyPandy
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Re: Odds and ends

#408825

Postby AndyPandy » May 2nd, 2021, 8:16 pm

stevensfo wrote:
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I have to get this off my chest. I've worked in labs for most of my life and Room temp (RT) always meant exactly that. Until one place in London where I discovered in a very embarrassing way that all samples supposed to be kept at RT, had to be placed in a special lab kept at a constant 18'C. Nobody had told me. Deep down, I guess I often wondered about RT, since in various labs throughout they year, it could vary from almost freezing to over 30'C, depending on the heating, air con etc.


Red wine is supposed to be drunk at RT, but I've read somewhere that this rule predates Central Heating. Modern day room temperatures are too high for it. I concur as I prefer mine slightly chilled from Room temperature.

brightncheerful
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Re: Odds and ends

#408906

Postby brightncheerful » May 3rd, 2021, 9:28 am

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.


That's a non sequitur. When training a dog, you can use any word you like to confirm a desired action or behaviour. Although dog owners tend to use the same terminology, probably because trainers do and owners follow suit, there is nothing to stop you from coming up with your own terminology for your dog. The only downside is when someone else tries to get your dog to do something and the dog doesn't understand what someone else is wanting the dog to do.

o/b joke:

Every dog has its day—and that's basically every day if you're a dog owner.

MyNameIsUrl
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Re: Odds and ends

#408945

Postby MyNameIsUrl » May 3rd, 2021, 11:03 am

A friend of mine named his dog 'Lookatme'.

It was embarrassing in the local park when he was calling for it.

csearle
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Re: Odds and ends

#408950

Postby csearle » May 3rd, 2021, 11:13 am

MyNameIsUrl wrote:A friend of mine named his dog 'Lookatme'.

It was embarrassing in the local park when he was calling for it.
Like that bloke that let his mate walk his dog without telling him that he used the name of the dog to mean attack! C.

gryffron
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Re: Odds and ends

#408970

Postby gryffron » May 3rd, 2021, 12:31 pm

brightncheerful wrote:When training a dog, you can use any word you like to confirm a desired action or behaviour. Although dog owners tend to use the same terminology, probably because trainers do and owners follow suit, there is nothing to stop you from coming up with your own terminology for your dog. The only downside is when someone else tries to get your dog to do something and the dog doesn't understand what someone else is wanting the dog to do.

I always thought you should train a dog to bark really loudly at “Ssssh” or “nice doggie”... because that’s what a burglar would say.

:lol:

TUK020
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Re: Odds and ends

#408975

Postby TUK020 » May 3rd, 2021, 12:44 pm

MyNameIsUrl wrote:A friend of mine named his dog 'Lookatme'.

It was embarrassing in the local park when he was calling for it.

Fenton?

bungeejumper
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Re: Odds and ends

#409011

Postby bungeejumper » May 3rd, 2021, 3:19 pm

MyNameIsUrl wrote:It was embarrassing in the local park when he was calling for it.

Willie Rushton used to tell of a chap who named his twin dogs Castor and Pollux. Castor wasn't such a problem. :|

BJ

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Re: Odds and ends

#409014

Postby bungeejumper » May 3rd, 2021, 3:26 pm

stevensfo wrote:"My goldfish is dead and I'm burying him."

They say that pets are a way of introducing children to the fact that unfortunately death happens. One small girl decided to give her hamster the full Church of England ceremonial. At least, what she'd understood of it.

"Glory be to the father, and to the sun. In the hole he goes......."

BJ


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