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I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it!

Laughter is the best medicine, find and post jokes. nothing too saucy please, Dad jokes, Current news jokes..
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AsleepInYorkshire
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I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it!

#452849

Postby AsleepInYorkshire » October 25th, 2021, 10:12 am

It's true ... I saw it with my own eyes

AiY

servodude
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Re: I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it!

#452861

Postby servodude » October 25th, 2021, 10:40 am

AsleepInYorkshire wrote:It's true ... I saw it with my own eyes

AiY


On a par with "being out standing in his field" or "turning his car in to a garage"
- you should be commended
- but this crappy rec is all I have

- sd

Mike4
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Re: I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it!

#452869

Postby Mike4 » October 25th, 2021, 11:04 am

servodude wrote:
AsleepInYorkshire wrote:It's true ... I saw it with my own eyes

AiY


On a par with "being out standing in his field" or "turning his car in to a garage"
- you should be commended
- but this crappy rec is all I have

- sd


Ah yes, and my daughter's fave joke combines the two.

"I was following a magic tractor down a lane. I know it was magic because it suddenly turned into a field."

servodude
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Re: I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it!

#452873

Postby servodude » October 25th, 2021, 11:12 am

Mike4 wrote:
servodude wrote:
AsleepInYorkshire wrote:It's true ... I saw it with my own eyes

AiY


On a par with "being out standing in his field" or "turning his car in to a garage"
- you should be commended
- but this crappy rec is all I have

- sd


Ah yes, and my daughter's fave joke combines the two.

"I was following a magic tractor down a lane. I know it was magic because it suddenly turned into a field."


Yes a veritable classic!

Up there with:
Two snowmen in a field. One asks "do you smell carrot?"
or
Two fish in a tank.; One asks "how do you drive this thing?"

My current favourite is:
"A truck carrying guitar pedals has crashed on the motorway: expect delays!"

-sd

stevensfo
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Re: I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it!

#452883

Postby stevensfo » October 25th, 2021, 11:47 am

servodude wrote:
My current favourite is:
"A truck carrying guitar pedals has crashed on the motorway: expect delays!"

-sd



A truck carrying one thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus has crashed on the motorway!

Police have said they are shocked, aghast, amazed, stunned, gobsmacked, appalled, overwhelmed, astonished, dumbfounded, astounded and perplexed.


Steve

Mike4
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Re: I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it!

#452885

Postby Mike4 » October 25th, 2021, 11:52 am

servodude wrote:
Mike4 wrote:
servodude wrote:
On a par with "being out standing in his field" or "turning his car in to a garage"
- you should be commended
- but this crappy rec is all I have

- sd


Ah yes, and my daughter's fave joke combines the two.

"I was following a magic tractor down a lane. I know it was magic because it suddenly turned into a field."


Yes a veritable classic!

Up there with:
Two snowmen in a field. One asks "do you smell carrot?"
or
Two fish in a tank.; One asks "how do you drive this thing?"

My current favourite is:
"A truck carrying guitar pedals has crashed on the motorway: expect delays!"

-sd


Lol yes, your guitar pedal one's a cracker!!


I heard a more elaborate version of the 'fish in a tank' one...

Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "You steer, I'll fire the gun".


And of course the one that started off the whole 'misleading joke' thing:

Two budgies sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"

servodude
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Re: I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it!

#452896

Postby servodude » October 25th, 2021, 12:19 pm

stevensfo wrote:
servodude wrote:
My current favourite is:
"A truck carrying guitar pedals has crashed on the motorway: expect delays!"

-sd



A truck carrying one thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus has crashed on the motorway!

Police have said they are shocked, aghast, amazed, stunned, gobsmacked, appalled, overwhelmed, astonished, dumbfounded, astounded and perplexed.


Steve


indeed!
leading to the questions of whats a synonym for thesaurus? and why is there only one monopolies commission?

- sd

kempiejon
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Re: I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it!

#452902

Postby kempiejon » October 25th, 2021, 12:34 pm

servodude wrote:leading to the questions of whats a synonym for thesaurus? and why is there only one monopolies commission?


and why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like it's description and dyslexia is hard to spell?


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