Cliches

[laladonny]

Frank Lingua, president and CEO of Dissembling Associates, is the nation's leading purveyor of buzzwords, catch phrases, and clichés for people too busy to speak in plain English. "Business Finance" contributing editor Dan Danbom interviewed Lingua in his New York City office.

Danbom: Is being a cliché expert a full-time job?
Lingua: Bottom line is I have a full plate 24/7.

D: Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless supply of clichés that spew from business?
L: Some days, I don't have the bandwidth. It's like drinking from a fire hydrant.

D: So it's difficult?
L: Harder than nailing Jell-O to the wall.

D: Where do most clichés come from?
L: Stakeholders push the envelope until it's outside the box.

D: How do you track them once they've been coined?
L: It's like herding cats.

D: Can you predict whether a phrase is going to become a cliché?
L: Yes. I skate to where the puck's going to be. Because if you aren't the lead dog, you're not providing a customer-centric proactive solution.

D: Give us a new buzzword that we'll be hearing ad nauseam.
L: "Enronitis" could be a next-generation player.

D: Do people understand your role as a cliché expert?
L: No, they can't get their arms around that. But they aren't incented to.

D: How do people know you're a cliché expert?
L: I walk the walk and talk the talk.

D: Did incomprehensibility come naturally to you?
L: I wasn't wired that way, but it became mission-critical as I strategically focused on my go-forward plan.

D: What did you do to develop this talent?
L: It's not rocket science. It's not brain surgery. When you drill down to the granular level, it's just basic blocking and tackling.

D: How do you know if you're successful in your work?
L: At the end of the day, it's all about robust, world-class solutions.

D: How do you stay ahead of others in the buzzword industry?
L: Net-net, my value proposition is based on maximizing synergies and being first to market with a leveraged, value-added deliverable. That's the opportunity space on a level playing field.

D: Does everyone in business eventually devolve into the sort of mindless drivel you spout?
L: If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you're a duck. They all drink the Kool-Aid.

D: Do you read "Dilbert" in the newspaper?
L: My knowledge base is deselective of fiber media.

D: Does that mean "no"?
L: Negative.

D: Does THAT mean "no"?
L: Let's take your issues offline.

D: No, we are not going to take them "offline."
L: You have a result-driven mind-set that isn't a strategic fit with my game plan.

D: I want to push your face in.
L: Your call is very important to me.

D: How can you live with yourself?
L: I eat my own dog food. My vision is to monetize scalable supply chains.

D: When are you going to quit this?
L: I may eventually exit the business to pursue other career opportunities.

D: I hate you.
L: Take it and run with it.

[AsleepInYorkshire]

As one door closes another slams in your face

People who live in glass houses shouldn't shower in the daytime

There are more ways to kill a cat other than stuffing it's [expletive deleted] with concrete

Don't eat yellow snow

Don't look down you'll break your neck

The grass is always greener if you paint it

Better safe than sorry ... unless you're on a price

Ignorance is bliss - to hell with education

Love is blind and so is alcohol

You can't please everyone all the time - so please yourself

You cant judge a book by its cover - but you can tie your shoelaces on a swing

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree - I conclude apples need wings

Actions speak louder than words - tell that to a blind man

AiY

[Mike4]

I avoid clichés like the plague.

[DrFfybes]

I avoid dentists like the plaque

[XFool]

The grass is always greener if you paint it

Ah. Michelangelo Antonioni In his 1966 film 'Blow-Up' allegedly asked for the grass in Maryon Park to be painted green.

"But it's green already, Michelangelo", "It's the wrong shade of green!"

[Mike4]

I avoid dentists like the plaque

Oo that reminds me of an old joke about the "Blue Plaques" ones sees on houses once occupied by famous people that amuses me:

Me: I say, I say, I say, I passed the house where the inventor of toothpaste once lived, the other day.
Stooge: How do you know it was their house?
Me: There was no plaque, boom boom!


I'll get my coat.

[servodude]

I avoid dentists like the plaque

Oo that reminds me of an old joke about the "Blue Plaques" ones sees on houses once occupied by famous people that amuses me:

Me: I say, I say, I say, I passed the house where the inventor of toothpaste once lived, the other day.
Stooge: How do you know it was their house?
Me: There was no plaque, boom boom!


I'll get my coat.

How do you know the inventor of the toothbrush supported one of the "Old Firm"?
- it would have been called a teethbrush otherwise

-sd

[UncleEbenezer]

How do you know the inventor of the toothbrush supported one of the "Old Firm"?
- it would have been called a teethbrush otherwise

-sd

Can't remember when I last bought a toothbrush. It's generally a pack of two or three teethbrush.

[csearle]

People who live in glass houses shouldn't shower in the daytime

I'd like to take issue with this. If the person in question has a splendid physique and doesn't mind showing it off to onlookers then I see no harm done! C.

[servodude]

People who live in glass houses shouldn't shower in the daytime

I'd like to take issue with this. If the person in question has a splendid physique and doesn't mind showing it off to onlookers then I see no harm done! C.

Just be careful if you get in to the habit and find yourself traveling to Singapore

[csearle]

Just be careful if you get in to the habit and find yourself traveling to Singapore

Might still be interesting in an academic sense. C.

[servodude]

Just be careful if you get in to the habit and find yourself traveling to Singapore

Might still be interesting in an academic sense. C.

Knock yourself out!
- if you do... hopefully somone will see and help