Three envlopes

[brightncheerful]

A new CEO was hired to take over a struggling company. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run into serious trouble,” he said.

Well, three months later, sales and profits were still way down, and the new CEO was catching a lot of heat. He began to panic, but then he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.” The new CEO called a press conference and explained that the previous CEO had left him with a real mess and it was taking a bit longer to clean it up than expected, but everything was on the right track. Satisfied with his comments, the press – and Wall Street – responded positively.

Another quarter went by, and the company continued to struggle. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.” So he fired key people, consolidated divisions and cut costs everywhere he could. This he did, and Wall Street, and the press, applauded his efforts.

Three months passed, and the company was still short on sales and profits. The CEO would have to figure out how to get through another tough earnings call. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”

[GrahamPlatt]

Last heard that one on TMF. Still good though.

[didds]

Last heard that one on TMF. Still good though.

I heard that pre-internet - mid 80s or thereabouts

[bungeejumper]

I heard that pre-internet - mid 80s or thereabouts

It was popular in communist Eastern Europe, as I recall. Pretty seditious, those cynical Czechs and Poles under the tired Stalinist yoke. (Both countries had devastatingly biting cartoon cultures, too.)

But I suppose the beauty of this particular joke is that it's so universal. The ancient Egyptians probably told the same joke about the pharaohs, but with ox blood and papyrus and tomb chambers instead of envelopes.

BJ

[servodude]

I heard that pre-internet - mid 80s or thereabouts

It was popular in communist Eastern Europe, as I recall. Pretty seditious, those cynical Czechs and Poles under the tired Stalinist yoke. (Both countries had devastatingly biting cartoon cultures, too.)

But I suppose the beauty of this particular joke is that it's so universal. The ancient Egyptians probably told the same joke about the pharaohs, but with ox blood and papyrus and tomb chambers instead of envelopes.

BJ

Grogg took over a struggling flint axe knapping business....

[brightncheerful]

It was popular in communist Eastern Europe, as I recall. Pretty seditious, those cynical Czechs and Poles under the tired Stalinist yoke. (Both countries had devastatingly biting cartoon cultures, too.)

But I suppose the beauty of this particular joke is that it's so universal. The ancient Egyptians probably told the same joke about the pharaohs, but with ox blood and papyrus and tomb chambers instead of envelopes.

BJ

Grogg took over a struggling flint axe knapping business....

Ancient stone house builder overestimates demand and dumps excess on a plain near Salisbury.

[bungeejumper]

Grogg took over a struggling flint axe knapping business....

Ancient stone house builder overestimates demand and dumps excess on a plain near Salisbury.

"Strewth", said God as he surveyed his great cosmic task. "What cowboy installed this shambles, then? Stars are all over the place, the foundations are well dodgy, and some of this wiring system totally defies logic. Haha, I bet that builder didn't leave his calling card in the meter cupboard. Let's forget he ever existed, shall we?"

"Still, I reckon I can fix it up in a week or so. I can fit you in on the 21st, but I'm off to Ursa Major on the 29th. Got a big contract to build a Total Universe Domination Module for - naah, sorry, I can't tell you the client's name. I'm still working on the physics, actually, and it's running a bit late. See you later, if there's a later. "

BJ