Quickies

[laladonny]

My wife told me, “If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.”
Apparently, “anything” doesn’t include getting stuck in traffic.

Man to wife: ''Boy, you are getting old, look at all the wrinkles you are getting!''
Wife: ''They aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines!''
Man: ''Nothing is that freakin' funny!!'''

My ex drove me nuts; she was awful. We're watching a television show once, and it was about euthanasia -- you know, mercy killings. And she said, 'Would you do that for me if I was really sick?' I said, 'I'll do that for you if you get the flu. Just let me know.'