The Lemon Fool

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Some snippets from the 2023 Edinburgh festival -

Olaf Falafel - Getting mythology wrong is my Hercules ankle.

Leila Navabi - I have an unconscious bias. I’m biased firmly towards being unconscious.

Sikisa - Cats are like strippers – they sit on your lap and make you think they love you.

Richard Stott - I have a suntanning addiction, so only go on holiday in winter. I went cold Turkey last year.

Ginny Hogan - Everyone says your 20s are all about finding yourself. If that’s true, your 30s are about wishing you’d found somebody else.

Kuan-Wen Huang - My relationship with my mum is like the evolution of payment technology – we went from physical contact to electronic only, then it was contactless.

Eric Rushton - There’s a lot of shame surrounding sex. After I have sex with someone, they often whisper “that’s a shame”.
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I guess it must be all be in the telling .

If not, I'm glad I didn't bother making the trip.

Laughton wrote:I guess it must be all be in the telling .

If not, I'm glad I didn't bother making the trip.

I think I must share IAAG's dry humour.


GS
P.S. Alt-x seems to log you out of the site. A surprising result when you meant Ctrl-x...

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Whilst we're on Scottish humour...

10 cows in a field, which one's on holiday?

The one with the wee calf...

Itsallaguess wrote:‎
Some snippets from the 2023 Edinburgh festival -

Olaf Falafel - Getting mythology wrong is my Hercules ankle.

Oops, I misread that as a theme and looked for how the other jokes related to the names!

Ginny Hogan - Everyone says your 20s are all about finding yourself. If that’s true, your 30s are about wishing you’d found somebody else.

That one genuinely made me laugh You're too funny for edinbug.

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Sticking with the Scottish theme -


What do you call a man with one foot in his front door?

Hamish...

A joke about an unfaithful zookeeper has been named the funniest gag at this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

Comedian Lorna Rose Treen was voted the winner with her pun: "I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah."

Is this like the junior Fringe or something?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland- ... e-66569215

Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Fringe

I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah - Lorna Rose Treen

The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.' - Liz Guterbock

Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now - Amos Gill

When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast - Sikisa

I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice - Masai Graham

How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag - Frank Lavender

My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's Costa-phobic - Roger Swift

I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and I won hands down - Bennett Arron

Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch - William Stone

My grandma describes herself as being in her "twilight years" which I love because they're great films - Daniel Foxx

Tedx wrote:
A joke about an unfaithful zookeeper has been named the funniest gag at this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

Comedian Lorna Rose Treen was voted the winner with her pun: "I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah."

Is this like the junior Fringe or something?

An article covering the above story in the Telegraph actually has a much better zoo-related joke in it's user-comments -

"I dated a nice guy who worked at the aquarium, feeding frozen fish to the dolphins. It wasn't a glamorous job, but he felt he served a porpoise."

:O)

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

We had better zoo jokes back in the (Motley Fool) days...

I went to the zoo but they only had a small dog.
It was a Shih Tzu.

FO.

You're 'avin' a giraffe mate.

This is getting as bad as that time I was stung by a bee..
...20 quid for a jar of honey!

I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah

I started dating a Zookeper, but it turned out she was a lion cu.......b

I got a blind date with a Lioness, but she bit my head off and kicked me while I was down!

I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice - Masai Graham

I'm reminded of a caption of a cartoon in Punch magaine. The cartoon depicts a newstand about the Titantic sinking, some distraught people, and a man with a polar bear on a leash.

The caption reads "yes, but is there any news of the iceberg?".

Laughton wrote:I guess it must be all be in the telling .

If not, I'm glad I didn't bother making the trip.

talking with a friend that loves humour, he thinks comedians nowadays aren't as funny as they used to be. having read the op, I'm inclined to agree. mind you it must be getting harder to come up with something original when so much more is considered disparaging.

o/b joke:

I've just got one of them Humpty Dumpty toys from Aldi for my granddaughter.

It's brilliant.

It comes with Aldi King's horses and Aldi King's men

brightncheerful wrote:

Laughton wrote:I guess it must be all be in the telling .

If not, I'm glad I didn't bother making the trip.

talking with a friend that loves humour, he thinks comedians nowadays aren't as funny as they used to be. having read the op, I'm inclined to agree. mind you it must be getting harder to come up with something original when so much more is considered disparaging.

o/b joke:

I've just got one of them Humpty Dumpty toys from Aldi for my granddaughter.

It's brilliant.

It comes with Aldi King's horses and Aldi King's men

I love a good accent joke - chappeu!

There's a very risque one about a "dress as an emotion" fancy dress party.. I'll do what I can.. if it's pulled so be it

The hostess opens the door wearing a green body stocking with with two large golden letters on it (one N... one V) to find two naked men covering their crotches with props, namely a bowl of dessert and a large green fruit.
"Well chaps! You can see I'm "green with EN-VY" says the hostess gesticulating to the letters on her.
"Can I ask what you are?"
In a heavily accented dialecst she gets the replies "I'm deep in dis pear"... "and I'm f*****ng dis custard"

brightncheerful wrote:

I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice - Masai Graham

I'm reminded of a caption of a cartoon in Punch magaine. The cartoon depicts a newstand about the Titantic sinking, some distraught people, and a man with a polar bear on a leash.

The caption reads "yes, but is there any news of the iceberg?".

Probably one of Bill Tidy's most famous, and the title of his autobiography. https://www.amazon.co.uk/There-Any-News-Iceberg-Autobiography/dp/1856851028

Not sure if it came before or after Les Barker's touching poem, Any news of the iceberg?, which can be read at https://monologues.co.uk/Les_Barker/Any_News_Iceberg.htm or you can see him performing at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhXEgiyjdtA, and which several folks have set to music, here's one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puTwNqL0nsE

Tedx wrote:Comedian Lorna Rose Treen was voted the winner with her pun: "I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah."

Think I'd have worded it: "I started dating this cool cat, but it turned out he was a cheetah."

Probably explains why I'm not a comedian. C.

mc2fool wrote:Not sure if it came before or after Les Barker's touching poem, Any news of the iceberg?, which can be read at https://monologues.co.uk/Les_Barker/Any_News_Iceberg.htm or you can see him performing at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhXEgiyjdtA, and which several folks have set to music, here's one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puTwNqL0nsE

I was going to quote this one by Les, too. Happy days. Had jaw ache the first time I ever saw him perform and still have a record of his filed away somewhere. just Googled him and found out that he passed away this year.


Back on topic, does anyone else think the quality is going down? Certainly this year's winner seems to be a rehash that you would have thought the judges would have picked up on. Some of the runners-up can get honourable mentions though.

csearle wrote:

Tedx wrote:Comedian Lorna Rose Treen was voted the winner with her pun: "I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah."

Think I'd have worded it: "I started dating this cool cat, but it turned out he was a cheetah."

Probably explains why I'm not a comedian. C.

I have to say that would be an improvement IMHO

Unless, for the original, the comedy is in the "it's so bad it's funny" vein (and I'll accept that can work at times with the right delivery) , or is a really clever "cherry on top" callback to something else in the routine I'm struggling to see how it beats the output of the average xmas cracker