The Lemon Fool

Hi Pedants,
If my hubby suggested 3 different models for a new car, and I said 'I'm ambivalent between those three options', I would mean that I don't have a preference. But 1) am I using the word ambivalent correctly and 2) if I'm not, what would the man on the Clapham omnibus think I meant?
TIA
Maylix

I think it's commonly used to mean I don't care or have a preference, but the dictionary meaning is a bit more nuanced, "having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone".

Scott.

I don't live in Clapham, but think that you are using the word wrongly.

I'd say that you could be ambivalent about any or indeed each and all of the choices. However I believe that it doesn't mean not having a preference but both liking and disliking. Hence attributable to each of the options.

I think you can only be ambivalent about a pair of options. It means (to me) that you favour neither of a pair of possibilities. Or more particularly, that you do not feel strongly about either of them. The focus is on there being two options specifically.

If there are three options, a different word would needed. In electronics 'bivalent' means 'in one or the other of two possible states'. If there were three or more possible states, the term used would be 'multi-valent'.

So with your three cars none of which you care much about, I think the non-existent word you need is "amtrivalent".

The meaning of words often changes over time and moves away from their literal meaning.

For example, historically, the word 'decimate' meant to cut by one tenth. As in decimate a legion, where one tenth of a mutinous or cowardly legion would be put to death.

Now decimate is often used to mean destroying a large proportion.

Maylix wrote:Hi Pedants,
If my hubby suggested 3 different models for a new car, and I said 'I'm ambivalent between those three options', I would mean that I don't have a preference. But 1) am I using the word ambivalent correctly and 2) if I'm not, what would the man on the Clapham omnibus think I meant?

So I think the strict answers are:
1) No.
2) As long as the man on this bus isn't being an awkward git, he'd think you meant you didn't have a preference.

How did your husband interpret it?

Scott.

scrumpyjack wrote:The meaning of words often changes over time and moves away from their literal meaning.

For example, historically, the word 'decimate' meant to cut by one tenth. As in decimate a legion, where one tenth of a mutinous or cowardly legion would be put to death.

Now decimate is often used to mean destroying a large proportion.

And don't get me started on 'fulsome'!

Whenever a politician or other worthy offers their 'fulsome apologies' for some cock-up or other, it's abundantly clear they misunderstand the meaning of the word!

In this context, it suggests the apologies are exaggerated and insincere - the opposite of what the speaker intended.

Watis

Maylix wrote:Hi Pedants,
If my hubby suggested 3 different models for a new car, and I said 'I'm ambivalent between those three options', I would mean that I don't have a preference. But 1) am I using the word ambivalent correctly and 2) if I'm not, what would the man on the Clapham omnibus think I meant?
TIA
Maylix

I reckon you're "indifferent" about the options and possibly "ambivalent" about any given one of them

I've never been to Clapham (that I remember) so I couldn't possibly comment about how they on public transport that way might feel

-sd

servodude wrote:

Maylix wrote:Hi Pedants,
If my hubby suggested 3 different models for a new car, and I said 'I'm ambivalent between those three options', I would mean that I don't have a preference. But 1) am I using the word ambivalent correctly and 2) if I'm not, what would the man on the Clapham omnibus think I meant?
TIA
Maylix

I reckon you're "indifferent" about the options and possibly "ambivalent" about any given one of them

I've never been to Clapham (that I remember) so I couldn't possibly comment about how they on public transport that way might feel

-sd

Indeed, if you're ambivalent you're pulled in different directions about the choice and can't decide. If you're indifferent you really don't care about the choice and are happy whatever the outcome.

https://wikidiff.com/indifferent/ambivalent

GS

scrumpyjack wrote:The meaning of words often changes over time and moves away from their literal meaning.

For example, historically, the word 'decimate' meant to cut by one tenth. As in decimate a legion, where one tenth of a mutinous or cowardly legion would be put to death.

Now decimate is often used to mean destroying a large proportion.

I think it is more often used to mean "devastate -- but I can't remember that word and would like to use a fancy-sounding word whose meaning I don't quite know."

GS

GoSeigen wrote:
Indeed, if you're ambivalent you're pulled in different directions about the choice and can't decide. If you're indifferent you really don't care about the choice and are happy whatever the outcome.

https://wikidiff.com/indifferent/ambivalent

GS

This is a very good point.

I used to say I am ambivalent about Brexit, because I understand the arguments on both sides and I agree wholeheartedly with all of them.

swill453 wrote:

Maylix wrote:Hi Pedants,
If my hubby suggested 3 different models for a new car, and I said 'I'm ambivalent between those three options', I would mean that I don't have a preference. But 1) am I using the word ambivalent correctly and 2) if I'm not, what would the man on the Clapham omnibus think I meant?

So I think the strict answers are:
1) No.
2) As long as the man on this bus isn't being an awkward git, he'd think you meant you didn't have a preference.

How did your husband interpret it?

Scott.

Thanks Scott. The consensus seems to be with you on 1), and on reflection I agree. I should have used indifferent.
As for how my husband interpreted it, it's slightly more complicated :
In my (hypothetical!) example, we both liked model 1, then I said 'if you prefer a longer wheel base how about model 2 or model 3?' He then tries to convince me that there is no advantage in model 2's longer wheel base because blah, blah, blah,and that's when I said to him,
'You don't need to convince me, it's you that wanted the longer wheel base, I'm ambivalent between the 3 models'
A day later he turns up with a 4th model which I definitely don't like and says 'Well you said you were ambivalent.....'
I made him take it back.
Maylix

https://www.etymonline.com/word/ambivalence

I have always thought of it in the sense of "being in two minds" about something. Probably because of the "bi" (two) in there.
So if you'd have simply said "I'm ambivalent",that, to my thinking would be correct. But "between the three of them" sort of muddies the water.
Had you said "I'm ambivalent about the three of them", then I think you'd have been on safe ground.

Maylix wrote:... and says 'Well you said you were ambivalent.....'
I made him take it back.

If he'd said "Well you said you were indifferent..." he'd still have been in the wrong

I don't think your choice of word was the problem.

Scott.

Has it not been a married woman's prerogative to use the wrong word since the days of Mrs Malaprop?

My late mother caused great hilarity when she was travelling across Europe by train (before the era of cheap air travel) and was going to indulge by booking herself the luxury of a courgette for overnight. We wondered if there might be something of the symbolism of the broomstick! In her defence, English wasn't her native language.

I recall a friend of my brother was staying with an Italian family when he was about 18 to improve his Italian.

The mother, father and 2 teenage daughters were also at the dinner table and of course the conversation turned to his family.
Unfortunately his Italian wasn't very good and he got the word for 'parents' wrong. He should have referred to his 'genitori' but mistakenly said 'genitali'

Whoops, his hosts all collapsed in uncontrollable laughter!

scrumpyjack wrote:I recall a friend of my brother was staying with an Italian family when he was about 18 to improve his Italian.

The mother, father and 2 teenage daughters were also at the dinner table and of course the conversation turned to his family.
Unfortunately his Italian wasn't very good and he got the word for 'parents' wrong. He should have referred to his 'genitori' but mistakenly said 'genitali'

Whoops, his hosts all collapsed in uncontrollable laughter!

Hehe.

But was it accidental or deliberate? Being a foreigner is a great excuse, and a well-placed howler can generate hilarity all round: you have more-than-plausible deniability of nuances that might ordinarily cause offence or embarrassment. In my time in Italy I progressed from ignorant mistakes to conscious ones.

I've always understood ambivalent to mean mixed feelings about one thing, so you could like option 1, hate option 2, and be ambivalent about option 3.
I reckon you will get away with it though, as long as you don't use the word 'dilemma'

AleisterCrowley wrote:I've always understood ambivalent to mean mixed feelings about one thing, so you could like option 1, hate option 2, and be ambivalent about option 3.
I reckon you will get away with it though, as long as you don't use the word 'dilemma'

But it is a dilemma! The choice of expressing an opinion she doesn't have vs saying nothing and disappointing/failing to support hubby.

Either way, she could be in for some blame when hubby regrets his choice.