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Unicorn droppings

Grumpy Old Lemons Like You
bungeejumper
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Unicorn droppings

#276458

Postby bungeejumper » January 10th, 2020, 3:44 pm

Sparkly unicorn droppings. Sparkly, slimy unicorn droppings.

Each Poopsie Cutie Tootie has "a surprise scent that smells amazing". Yours for only seven quid each. https://www.argos.co.uk/product/8907387

Reduced from ten pounds a poop (sorry, I meant pop). Hurry while stocks last. Looks like it's going to be a long year. :roll:

BJ

Rhyd6
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276493

Postby Rhyd6 » January 10th, 2020, 5:38 pm

Which colour did you but BJ? :lol:

R6

bungeejumper
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276631

Postby bungeejumper » January 11th, 2020, 9:05 am

Rhyd6 wrote:Which colour did you but BJ? :lol:

I'm still trying to decide at the moment. But TBH I'm feeling a little bit off colour right now. :mrgreen:

I did like the warning that these were "Only for domestic use". The mind boggles as to what other sorts of uses they might be put to?

BJ

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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276695

Postby stewamax » January 11th, 2020, 1:23 pm

Rhyd6 wrote:Which colour did you but BJ?

The red one is only for purchase by unicorns with er... piles.
The green one is for more serious colonic complaints

bungeejumper
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276824

Postby bungeejumper » January 12th, 2020, 10:07 am

bungeejumper wrote:I did like the warning that these were "Only for domestic use". The mind boggles as to what other sorts of uses they might be put to?

[Smacks forehead.] Just answered my own stupid question. As missiles for throwing at politicians, of course. :lol: The amazing smell would presumably add insult to injury?

I think they should be banned. Although others' views might differ. I couldn't possibly comment.

BJ

kiloran
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276842

Postby kiloran » January 12th, 2020, 12:28 pm

bungeejumper wrote:
bungeejumper wrote:I did like the warning that these were "Only for domestic use". The mind boggles as to what other sorts of uses they might be put to?

[Smacks forehead.] Just answered my own stupid question. As missiles for throwing at politicians, of course. :lol: The amazing smell would presumably add insult to injury?

I think they should be banned. Although others' views might differ. I couldn't possibly comment.

BJ

Banning politicians is rather extreme in my view. Who would run the country?

--kiloran

AleisterCrowley
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276843

Postby AleisterCrowley » January 12th, 2020, 12:33 pm

The Civil Service, as always

servodude
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276850

Postby servodude » January 12th, 2020, 1:19 pm

And here's me believing they never get round to making those things they dream up on "the apprentice"
- doh!

- sd

scotia
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276868

Postby scotia » January 12th, 2020, 4:20 pm

servodude wrote:And here's me believing they never get round to making those things they dream up on "the apprentice"
- doh!
- sd

I agree - but clearly we are just not attuned to the workings of this world. Today, while regaling this story to my wife, in my son's presence, I learned that my granddaughter received one of these at a birthday party - and seemed to quite like it.
This is just another matter concerning Unicorns which is clearly beyond our ken. In a previous case, I seem to recollect from my Latin class sixty years ago that Caesar, in De Bello Gallico, reported the presence of Unicorns in the German Forests. I don't think he mentioned the droppings

bungeejumper
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276969

Postby bungeejumper » January 13th, 2020, 9:05 am

scotia wrote:In a previous case, I seem to recollect from my Latin class sixty years ago that Caesar, in De Bello Gallico, reported the presence of Unicorns in the German Forests. I don't think he mentioned the droppings

Ah yes, that'll be the Caesar who reported that the British were weeny, weedy and weaky?

Catullus was your man for scatology, and a lot more besides. Our Latin master would spend hours reading the rude poems to us. And he was a devout christian who had published a translation of the new testament! You never can tell.....

BJ

scotia
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#276997

Postby scotia » January 13th, 2020, 10:36 am

bungeejumper wrote:
scotia wrote:In a previous case, I seem to recollect from my Latin class sixty years ago that Caesar, in De Bello Gallico, reported the presence of Unicorns in the German Forests. I don't think he mentioned the droppings

Ah yes, that'll be the Caesar who reported that the British were weeny, weedy and weaky?

Catullus was your man for scatology, and a lot more besides. Our Latin master would spend hours reading the rude poems to us. And he was a devout christian who had published a translation of the new testament! You never can tell.....

BJ

It was Churchill in one of his writings who claimed to have settled the argument as to whether the Roman v should be pronounced v or w.
He claimed that Caesar could never have said weeny, weedy, weaky!

bungeejumper
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#277010

Postby bungeejumper » January 13th, 2020, 11:18 am

scotia wrote:It was Churchill in one of his writings who claimed to have settled the argument as to whether the Roman v should be pronounced v or w.
He claimed that Caesar could never have said weeny, weedy, weaky!

I don't suppose anybody can say with any certainty either way - least of all Churchill, who wasn't even allowed to attempt latin at school! (Too thick - https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/54427- ... m-i-gained) I think he might have been evening up the score a bit? :lol: You can always deduce a certain amount about pronunciation of ancient languages from comparing puns, alliteration and basic linguistic principles (such as whether a v is easier to say than a w). And from hearing how their usages spilled over into other countries' tongues that we subsequently know a bit better.

We also have no real idea what the 'dog latin' spoken by the common roman man sounded like - it certainly wasn't very Ciceronian, or very grammatical either. But again, puns and poetry can give us clues. One thing's for sure, old Julius wasn't called Seizer. Probably spent years trying to transliterate Vercingetorix too. ;)

Anyway, back to class. You there, Scottier, decline causa, plural. "Cow's eye, cow's eye, cow's @rse....."

BJ

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Re: Unicorn droppings

#277037

Postby PinkDalek » January 13th, 2020, 12:44 pm

bungeejumper wrote:I don't suppose anybody can say with any certainty either way - least of all Churchill, who wasn't even allowed to attempt latin at school! ...


This https://harrowonline.org/2016/09/21/chu ... ow-school/ would suggest he may have studied Latin at Harrow, albeit maybe not for long nor that successfully, but it is poorly worded! Perhaps they are only talking of the entrance exams.

Here https://winstonchurchill.org/publicatio ... 88-1892-2/ it is suggested that prior to his Harrow entrance exams, he ... had spent a full year translating Caesar and Virgil.

Unfortunately I never coped with Latin, scraping through a couple of exams here and there, but failing to answer a single question in a Latin paper sounds all too familiar. I'd like to blame the teachers but I think it is how my brain is wired. Told recently that those who are good at Maths/logic should be good at Latin. There's always an exception to the rule. 'O' level failure.

:oops:

bungeejumper
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#277043

Postby bungeejumper » January 13th, 2020, 1:12 pm

PinkDalek wrote:Unfortunately I never coped with Latin, scraping through a couple of exams here and there, but failing to answer a single question in a Latin paper sounds all too familiar. I'd like to blame the teachers but I think it is how my brain is wired. Told recently that those who are good at Maths/logic should be good at Latin. There's always an exception to the rule. 'O' level failure.

Ha, I was the other way round. My school reports from the time all say, in essence: "If Master Bungee would only apply himself more to the work, he would do better in class and he wouldn't keep on getting all those detentions for his poor homework. So how in god's name did he manage to come fourth in class during the year-end Latin exams?" :lol: :lol: :lol:

Spoiler: I was better at English and languages than virtually anything else at school. Just the way my own brain was/is wired, I suppose? I did once score 4% in a chemistry exam, though. I hated old Collins almost as much as he hated me, and he was settling an old score at my expense. ;)

Gosh, we're a long way off-topic.

BJ

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Re: Unicorn droppings

#277061

Postby PinkDalek » January 13th, 2020, 2:24 pm

bungeejumper wrote:[Gosh, we're a long way off-topic.


Well you started it, the Topic that is.

On the subject of school reports from way back, when they were allowed to write what they wanted, someone recently sent me something they'd read in their report, which was along the following lines:

“Winston*** was brilliant at getting himself out of problems that he should never have got himself into”

*** Not his real name. His real name is Spencer.

bungeejumper
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Re: Unicorn droppings

#277070

Postby bungeejumper » January 13th, 2020, 2:47 pm

PinkDalek wrote:On the subject of school reports from way back, when they were allowed to write what they wanted, someone recently sent me something they'd read in their report, which was along the following lines:

“Winston*** was brilliant at getting himself out of problems that he should never have got himself into”

Not bad at all. ;) My best was from my PE teacher (ex army instructor), who wrote: "Master Bungee has worked steadily and has made good progress this term." I had spent the entire term with my leg in a full-length plaster cast, having broken said leg in three places. And the clueless bastard hadn't noticed me sitting there at the side of the gym, week after week, month after month. It was good to know that my physical welfare was in such safe and attentive hands. :lol:

BJ

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Re: Unicorn droppings

#277272

Postby servodude » January 14th, 2020, 9:48 am

bungeejumper wrote:
PinkDalek wrote:On the subject of school reports from way back, when they were allowed to write what they wanted, someone recently sent me something they'd read in their report, which was along the following lines:

“Winston*** was brilliant at getting himself out of problems that he should never have got himself into”

Not bad at all. ;) My best was from my PE teacher (ex army instructor), who wrote: "Master Bungee has worked steadily and has made good progress this term." I had spent the entire term with my leg in a full-length plaster cast, having broken said leg in three places. And the clueless bastard hadn't noticed me sitting there at the side of the gym, week after week, month after month. It was good to know that my physical welfare was in such safe and attentive hands. :lol:

BJ


PE teachers were a funny breed; creepy and intimidating in a way that even the priests couldn't muster.
And bitter, really bitter that they weren't still doing whatever their excuse for not getting a real job was.

To bring this back loosely on topic, I suppose though that the unicorn might be the original bitter lemon? given it's still current status as the national animal of Scotland? Chosen as it was the obvious enemy of the English lion.

A bit like our PE teacher naming a boy Susan because he was English in 1st year (school in land of unicorns). Never found out his real name, I left in 5th year and he'd been Susan ever since. Really bitter those PE guys, wouldn't have been surprised if he'd written Susan on this guys report card

-sd

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Re: Unicorn droppings

#277275

Postby UncleIan » January 14th, 2020, 9:55 am

bungeejumper wrote:Not bad at all. ;) My best was from my PE teacher (ex army instructor), who wrote: "Master Bungee has worked steadily and has made good progress this term." I had spent the entire term with my leg in a full-length plaster cast, having broken said leg in three places. And the clueless bastard hadn't noticed me sitting there at the side of the gym, week after week, month after month. It was good to know that my physical welfare was in such safe and attentive hands. :lol:


Similarly, I signed up for mixed hockey at 6th form college, didn't go to the team trials as they were after college and I couldn't make it for some reason (couldn't be arsed probably), so wasn't in the team, so never had to turn up for practice or matches. Every Wednesday afternoon off. Huzzah! Report card at the end of term said attendance 12/14. Nice!

Then the only report comment I remember was also from a PE teacher "Tries hard at a subject he clearly finds difficult." Talk about backhanded compliment!

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Re: Unicorn droppings

#277279

Postby Watis » January 14th, 2020, 10:00 am

UncleIan wrote:
bungeejumper wrote:Not bad at all. ;) My best was from my PE teacher (ex army instructor), who wrote: "Master Bungee has worked steadily and has made good progress this term." I had spent the entire term with my leg in a full-length plaster cast, having broken said leg in three places. And the clueless bastard hadn't noticed me sitting there at the side of the gym, week after week, month after month. It was good to know that my physical welfare was in such safe and attentive hands. :lol:


Similarly, I signed up for mixed hockey at 6th form college, didn't go to the team trials as they were after college and I couldn't make it for some reason (couldn't be arsed probably), so wasn't in the team, so never had to turn up for practice or matches. Every Wednesday afternoon off. Huzzah! Report card at the end of term said attendance 12/14. Nice!

Then the only report comment I remember was also from a PE teacher "Tries hard at a subject he clearly finds difficult." Talk about backhanded compliment!



Yeah, I know the feeling!

I always got: 'He gives of his best'.

Watis

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Re: Unicorn droppings

#277317

Postby didds » January 14th, 2020, 11:53 am

[quote="bungeejumper" My best was from my PE teacher (ex army instructor), who wrote: "Master Bungee has worked steadily and has made good progress this term." I had spent the entire term with my leg in a full-length plaster cast, having broken said leg in three places. And the clueless bastard hadn't noticed me sitting there at the side of the gym, week after week, month after month. It was good to know that my physical welfare was in such safe and attentive hands. :lol:

[/quote]

quite. I spent 2 years at a secondary school in the mid 70s where the PE teachers didnt have a clue who I was - as evidenced by them calling me my cousin's surname as I had his pe kit hand me down and my mum (this was the 70s after all) hadnt changed the name on the breast. He clewarly didnt know after "teaching" me for 18 months that my surname was not what was displayed on my shirt.

He was the bl;oody idot that had twop of us hitting a hockey ball to each opther across a playground while the orther 22 out the class of 24 played a game of hockey because "hockey is an 11 a side game isnt it?". Twat.

I happened to move schools after that and to their credit the PE staff there did mknow who everybody was individually.

I have to say in restrospect based on my direct experience as a pupil, being a PE teacher in thae mid 70s must have been the dossest job going.


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