Isolation - Working from Home

[Cookie]

I know a lot more people have been working form home during the virus, I have been working from home for the past 15 years.

It definitely has it's benefits:
- No commute
- Can complete other non - work tasks
- Control work environment
- Flexibility working schedule

However there have been a number of problems that I have found difficult to cope with isolation - no chance of making friends from work and being alone in the house for long periods

I have considered going back to work in an office, but the main benefits above are lost and I would very much like to keep them.

I wondered if anyone else has experienced this and what they might have done to combat this?

[redsturgeon]

I know a lot more people have been working form home during the virus, I have been working from home for the past 15 years.

It definitely has it's benefits:
- No commute
- Can complete other non - work tasks
- Control work environment
- Flexibility working schedule

However there have been a number of problems that I have found difficult to cope with isolation - no chance of making friends from work and being alone in the house for long periods

I have considered going back to work in an office, but the main benefits above are lost and I would very much like to keep them.

I wondered if anyone else has experienced this and what they might have done to combat this?

I worked from home all of my working life apart from two years spent working in an office which I hated.

Fortunately I made sure I cultivated friends outside the work environment and having a wife and family has helped in this.

I think if you can have friends outside of your work mates then it is actually much more healthy.

Hobbies and sports are the main areas where these friends can be made.

Do you have a hobby? Do you participate in any sports? Are there clubs near you that you can join?

I agree the the benefits of working from home outweigh the disadvantages and if you can nail the isolation problem then you have the best of both worlds.

John

[bungeejumper]

I've been working from home for 35 years now, of which the first eight were while living alone (long-suffering girlfriend was nearby). Yes, the lack of work collegiality can be an issue, unless your work involves a lot of cross-contact. (Mine didn't, as it happens - it's the kind of work that goes best amid pure silence, so it was never that great in the office anyway.) I used to really enjoy the occasions when I had to go out on business, but I wouldn't have wanted to do that on any regular basis.

I did have the advantage of living in a small village where there was quite a busy social scene, thanks to the activities of a smallish committee. Getting onto that committee was one of the key things that kept my social horizons wide, and it paid off hugely in every respect. Sadly, I'm not sure how many of those activities would be happening right now under covid-19 - not many, I'd imagine?

The current absence of pub, club and football have added to the pressures, I think. Many people do find that social media offer some kind of an alternative, although personally I don't do that stuff because I see it soaking up too much of other people's time. I've been working on my painting recently - I picked up my brushes and easel a couple of years ago after a fifty year hiatus(!), and it's been fun to share images with others from my art group - basically a local authority adult class, although that too isn't meeting at present.

Somebody's going to suggest volunteering at some point, so I'll do the same!

Best

BJ

[Cookie]

Thank you

I do think it's likely I could possibly have the best of both worlds, if I could just nail down the social side outside of work

When working in an office previously, most of my friends were from work. So I have considered going back to an office to help in making friends, but it could mean changing careers and a pay cut and ultimately losing the things that I like about working from home. Although the isolation is hard, I decided against going back to an office in some way

When working from home I have no problem being on my own during the day and my ex-partner used to be my main social interaction and also the source of friends. When we split, our friends went with her as they were mainly from her work

I hope to join a badminton club when this virus is over, but not great at many other sports, other than that I don't have many ideas
I am not really into volunteering, though I would in an animal shelter, but the nearest is quite far away
It's a bit too intimidating for me to just walk into the local pub on my own (it's more of a town than a village, so a little harder to know people from the street)
I've seen this website suggested but have not tried it due to the virus www.meetup.com

[chas49]

At the risk of being the nth person to suggest volunteering despite your comment, do consider having a look for various things you might not have considered before. There are a whole range of outdoor volunteering things you could do - gardening, conservation type things which (in my experience) don't force you into too much socilaing but you are at least ouside and occasionally talking to someone else. It's up to you how much of the socila bit you do - if you just want to work quietly on your own, with others nearby but not involved too much, you can do that.

Have a look at https://www.tcv.org.uk/ to see anything is going on in your area. Also (especially if gardening etc isn't your thing) find your local Community Volunteering Organisation (CVO) - who should have a list of all the different opportunities in your area.

[bungeejumper]

I've seen this website suggested but have not tried it due to the virus http://www.meetup.com

That looks like a pretty good place to start. It's a little heavy on the yoga/alternative health/"transformational thought" scene, but there are a lot of properly sociable events up there by the look of it. Nice, too, that you can enter your location and it tells you what's happening nearby.

I can vouch for the general idea. About forty years ago, when the internet hadn't been invented, and when I was newly separated and starting life afresh in a brand new town, I joined up with a local group that did country walks, theatre visits, history, art, and "safe" fortnightly drinks meetings in a respectable hotel bar. (Yes, pubs can be daunting places, especially for single women.) And before very long I was running the organisation. Our branch had about 40 members, and there were another 100 or so elsewhere in the county.

It was emphatically not aimed at relationships, but at friendships and shared activities. Although you can bet your life that plenty of the former were happening on the fringes as well. (I honourably tried never to date anybody from my own branch, until the fateful day when I met my future wife on a horse-riding afternoon, and that was when the celestial thunderbolt hit me and I resigned the leadership because my impartiality was now shot to ribbons. )

The main thing was that it created a "safe" social bridge between people, with none of the usual sexual undertow that often proves so tough for women in particular. The majority of our members were there for the social context and the like-minded people, and the chat and activities and the feeling of community. I'll always be glad that I did it. My wife, likewise.

BJ

[neversay]

A homeworker here with occasional 1-3 day visits to the sites of different organisations. These visits are stopped for the time being, which is wonderful. I don't like offices at the best of time, particularly open plan ones with loud conversations and distractions. Having occasional visits helps form friendships without the possible annoyances if one had to work with them day in day out. In most cases, being in their roles and having to do that day in day out for the rest of my career would be my idea of a nightmare.

Perhaps I'm unusual in that I don't mind being alone. People would describe me as being friendly, popular and outgoing. They would describe me as an extrovert, but I'm a strong introvert (on the basis that I recharge by being alone rather than draw my energy from others). I do have many friends in the UK and around the world, but I don't like being 'best mates' and seeing people week in, week out. That would be suffocating. Likewise I'm friendly with neighbours but don't want to live in anyone's pockets. I have volunteered and been in clubs/societies but find them draining and prefer my personal space. I don't like social media. The kids think I have no friends whatsoever.

So @Cookie (OP), I'm the opposite in positively enjoying being isolated (although have the pleasure of my wife and kids) and never get bored. On the flip-side, I do wonder if I should be planting more friendship seeds for the future when the kids have flown the nest and one the day when you need a true friend close by. The key question is whether the apparent friendships we have with people, near or far, are actually reciprocal or illusory?

[AleisterCrowley]

I live alone, and normally work from home three days a week
'Social' is normally office Tue/Wed and going to the pub Fri/Sat
I also travel home a fair bit to meet up with family/friends , and go to music festivals.
Of course, in this Time of Coranavirus (los tiempos del Coronavirus?) all the social stuff is not possible so I'm limited to occasional chats with the neighbours and solitary walks
I'm finding it a bit difficult to be honest, it was OK for a month or so but it's really dragging now and my sleep patterns are disrupted

[Cookie]

How do you just start going to the pub without knowing people?

I talk to people all the time on the phone through work and some site visits around the country, but I have never had this knack of just starting up conversation with anyone on the street for instance or never seen the benefit. I want too, my Dad was always doing it (a Gemini, whether you believe in horoscopes). I hope conversational skills like that can be learnt and not just born with

[AleisterCrowley]

I'm not the sort of person who goes into a pub and starts chatting to the regulars, but I'm quite happy to sit by myself reading or people watching (without staring!) I find that one inevitably gets to know a few people after a while- perhaps a conversation with the bar person expands a bit.
After all, how do we end up with our circle of friends anyway?
It's either;
They are friends of existing friends/family
They are people we went to school with, or work with
They are people we just end up talking to 'randomly'

My best friend of the last twenty years or so was new in my hometown and ended up talking to a friend of mine. As he was on his own he ended up in our 'drinking group' and we got on well due to shared interests (music, books)
I was his best man when he got married, and we always meet up when I'm back home

[Sobraon]

Just to say if you are interested in doing some volunteering with the local police service then they will have a dedicated volunteer team. A big advantage with this is that the roles are normally very clearly defined in terms of role profile. In my local force these range from people who like to clean police cars on a Sunday morning through to 'Cyber Special' Constables (no, not Robocop see - https://cscv.police.uk/).

[JohnB]

Aren't all the Fools here your friends (well, except for XXXX, who's an idiot). Find a hobby with an online forum and make friends through that. Online friendships never seem quite as good as physical ones, but its a great way to maintain weak relationships

My friends all come through SF Fandom, many dating back 30 years, and we've taken to Zoom very well, indeed I now have social calls 4 nights a week, and on 2 other nights online lectures from other geeky groups. I like a wide range of friends, I find just feel seeing a few people, as you might in an office, too tiring for my introversion.