Not my problem

[AsleepInYorkshire]

Over the last 18 months my good lady and I have found our time taken up with problems. My Mum had cancer and needed a lot of support before she died. My good ladies Dad has been in hospital or a care home for over a year before returning home and her Mum's health has needed a fair amount of time. We need to build an extension on their home so her Dad can live there permanently. We both work and we have a 14 year old daughter. My better half needs a back operation for disc problems and neither of us is getting any younger.

Just over a week ago I received a solicitors letter regarding my Mum's will. I'm not going to bore you with the details.

Over the last week I have reflected on my own thought processes. One of which is that sometimes I willingly accept that I am the source of someone else's problem, because I am made to feel by them that if I don't help them with their problem, I am a bad person. The other person sends me on a guilt trip and I oblige.

We all need help and support. Me included.

But I also need to recognise when I am not the underlying cause of a problem. The problem has been created by others. And when people look to me as a source of solution for their problems they should ask transparently for help and allow me to say yes or no. Emotional blackmail, guilt tripping and other strategies to "influence" my decisions aren't helpful and can often be emotionally draining and time consuming.

Yes. Be kind. Help others if possible. But be aware of those who aren't as transparent as they seem.

AiY(D)