Sunnypad wrote:Argh
I can only say this here
Parents
Good grief. Just why?!
Sadly, because that is life. Good for you though.
Dod
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Sunnypad wrote:Argh
I can only say this here
Parents
Good grief. Just why?!
She is so frail, and she sleeps a lot. She doesn't want any medical interventions.
BigB wrote:She is so frail, and she sleeps a lot. She doesn't want any medical interventions.
Does your mum have an advanced decision in place, regarding interventions.
My mum is 87, lives alone in a retirement flat in a block with a warden, has dementia. She has recently stated she doesn't want medical interventions . We'll explore the advanced decision option(s).
Best wishes.
Loup321 wrote:I'm still reading, although haven't replied. I tend to only have practical responses though, although a virtual [hug] is here too.
If your Mum is so frail, and doesn't want carers or medical interventions, how does she believe she will cope when she goes home? If the answer is "well you could pop in from time to time" then you need to make sure she understands that you cannot do it all and carers will be necessary at some points of the day / week at least. I know it's a struggle and drains all your well-being energy, but helping a bit is inevitable.
As for your sister's inheritance being spent - she was born with nothing and will take nothing with her when she dies. Inheritances are a lucky bonus if you get one, but if your mother has worked and saved (or if your father did it for her), and needs to spend the money now on care home fees, that's what she was saving for. Equally, if she chose to spend it all on luxury cruises and there was none left for you or your sister, that is also fine.
Thinking of you...
Sunnypad wrote:Loup321 wrote:I'm still reading, although haven't replied. I tend to only have practical responses though, although a virtual [hug] is here too.
If your Mum is so frail, and doesn't want carers or medical interventions, how does she believe she will cope when she goes home? If the answer is "well you could pop in from time to time" then you need to make sure she understands that you cannot do it all and carers will be necessary at some points of the day / week at least. I know it's a struggle and drains all your well-being energy, but helping a bit is inevitable.
As for your sister's inheritance being spent - she was born with nothing and will take nothing with her when she dies. Inheritances are a lucky bonus if you get one, but if your mother has worked and saved (or if your father did it for her), and needs to spend the money now on care home fees, that's what she was saving for. Equally, if she chose to spend it all on luxury cruises and there was none left for you or your sister, that is also fine.
Thinking of you...
Sorry, I'm doing that thing when I forget what I have and haven't said. I don't know how she thinks she'll manage either but the reality is I would probably be there 5 days a week. I am not keen to become her carer but okay to be there with support.
I have seen people much more frail than her living alone but I don't want her to do that and neither does she.
I agree re the care home fees but when mum and sis both think they are too high, I am outnumbered. Perhaps I am being selfish because the care home makes my life easier.
I will be stopping work btw. I was very part time and don't wish to continue with mum to deal with as well.
Sunnypad wrote:We have a family friend who ended up with stress cardiomyopathy after her father was in hospital for six months.
She was about the age I am now. Now, at not yet 50, she walks with a stick and has a very limited life.
When dad was in hospital, at one stage my BP went to 190/? and I joked about it but it's pretty awful really.
I must remember this. I think people who cope well with this sort of thing are able to detach themselves from it.
kiloran wrote:As a carer, you need support too. Have a look at https://carers.org/help-and-info/carer- ... s-near-you and find your local organisation. They will undoubtedly have expertise to help, support and advise you. I'm sure your situation is one they have seen a hundred times before.
--kiloran
Dod101 wrote:kiloran wrote:As a carer, you need support too. Have a look at https://carers.org/help-and-info/carer- ... s-near-you and find your local organisation. They will undoubtedly have expertise to help, support and advise you. I'm sure your situation is one they have seen a hundred times before.
--kiloran
Things may have changed. When do full time careers get time to see such people? I had some people turn up occasionally, introduced by well meaning family members, but I thought them worse than useless. If they had got stuck in to help with the washing or something that would have been good, but I did not have the time or inclination to listen to them waffling on about the help I could be getting or how and why I needed to take time out.
Dod
kiloran wrote:Dod101 wrote:kiloran wrote:As a carer, you need support too. Have a look at https://carers.org/help-and-info/carer- ... s-near-you and find your local organisation. They will undoubtedly have expertise to help, support and advise you. I'm sure your situation is one they have seen a hundred times before.
--kiloran
Things may have changed. When do full time careers get time to see such people? I had some people turn up occasionally, introduced by well meaning family members, but I thought them worse than useless. If they had got stuck in to help with the washing or something that would have been good, but I did not have the time or inclination to listen to them waffling on about the help I could be getting or how and why I needed to take time out.
Dod
I guess each local organisation will be different, Dod, but our local carers centre was excellent. We weren't full-time carers for MiL but my wife did find it stressful at times. They ran training courses and chat sessions where my wife could discuss her problems with other carers. The centre could also provide respite carers to look after MiL while wifey was on a training course, though she did not need to use this service. Sunnypad may find that they can suggest solutions which are beyond her imagination. Discussing with the carers centre is the only way to find out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
--kiloran
kiloran wrote:Dod101 wrote:kiloran wrote:As a carer, you need support too. Have a look at https://carers.org/help-and-info/carer- ... s-near-you and find your local organisation. They will undoubtedly have expertise to help, support and advise you. I'm sure your situation is one they have seen a hundred times before.
--kiloran
Things may have changed. When do full time careers get time to see such people? I had some people turn up occasionally, introduced by well meaning family members, but I thought them worse than useless. If they had got stuck in to help with the washing or something that would have been good, but I did not have the time or inclination to listen to them waffling on about the help I could be getting or how and why I needed to take time out.
Dod
I guess each local organisation will be different, Dod, but our local carers centre was excellent. We weren't full-time carers for MiL but my wife did find it stressful at times. They ran training courses and chat sessions where my wife could discuss her problems with other carers. The centre could also provide respite carers to look after MiL while wifey was on a training course, though she did not need to use this service. Sunnypad may find that they can suggest solutions which are beyond her imagination. Discussing with the carers centre is the only way to find out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
--kiloran
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